Chapter 1: Dreams and Fantasies

A warrior, Geyser Rhodes, travels to Sacred Square in Trafalgar Forest to slay a serpentine monster, Yama, that has thwarted recent efforts by the Andalusian government to cut down the forest.

Chapter 1: Dreams and Fantasies

            Geyser Rhodes was losing his patience. He was in the middle of the vast Trafalgar Forest on horseback, lance in hand, ready to slay the spirit of the Sacred Square and yet he was stuck waiting on his guide, Manchettar.

            “That forest punk better get here quick before I destroy this whole forest,” grunted Geyser to himself. Sure enough, he could hear some rustling of leaves as a short man climbed down from a tree in front of Geyser. They began moving through the forest on their way to the Sacred Square.

            “You sure took long enough. We were supposed to meet up next to Reme, the tallest tree in this forest, at high noon. The sky is turning red. What took you?” asked Geyser.

            “I apologize. It was more difficult to persuade my tribe to let me leave than I had anticipated. They are suspicious of me and they may kill me if they find out I am cooperating with the Andalusian government. But, don’t worry. I was careful to make sure they did not follow me. The deal still stands, doesn’t it?” asked Manchettar with a glare.

            “Yes. For aiding me in slaying the monster, Yama, you will be given a position as a noble with the wealth and privileges that come with it. So, you will no longer have to fear for your life,” explained Geyser.

            “Regardless of whether you kill the monster?” inquired Manchettar.

            “Yes. But, of course, I don’t anticipate failing my mission,” said Geyser. Manchettar chuckled.

            “You are either very brave or very foolish. Great warriors and sorcerers from the tribes of Andalusia have fought against Yama with optimism such as yours. None have ever returned. Yama is so horribly feared, he’s actually worshipped by many tribes as a vengeful god of destruction. You government people have only seen a tiny fraction of his power. You’ve seen how he’s sabotaged your efforts to violate the region of forest known as the Sacred Square, how he’s destroyed your people with wind and lightning and fire. But, none of you have actually seen Yama before and yet you think you can kill him?” said Manchettar smiling. Geyser laughed loudly.

            “Yes. I know I’m a scapegoat but this mission is important to me personally. I have trained all my life to be the greatest warrior in the world, to join the warrior’s guild known as Legacy. If an upstart like me gets a victory on a monster the entire government is too scared to face, it’ll definitely make an impression on the greatest warrior’s league among humans. And if I die, then that just means I wasn’t cut out to be the legend I thought I was going to become,” explained Geyser. Manchettar glared.

            “So then, you don’t fear death? There is no shame in losing to Yama. He is a formidable enemy. They say his true form is revealed during the night of a full moon and that his body casts a shadow that spans the entire Sacred Square. He is said to be a giant serpent possessing great intelligence and guarding an ancient treasure. People even say that his very presence causes humans to pass out,” said Manchettar.

            “I am nervous but I’m not scared. I will gladly give my life in the name of God. I will surely emerge glorious and give the gold and other riches for the benefit of this country. I am fully aware of the tribal traditions surrounding this Yama and I have trained much too hard to fail. Tonight, Yama will fall!” exclaimed Geyser.

            Geyser and Manchettar finally stopped as the last sliver of sunset left the sky and the night became clear. They came to the edge of the forbidden part of the forest known as the Sacred Square, separated from the rest of the forest by a very thin but very deep crevice that surrounded this sacred ground.

            “This is strange,” said Geyser. “This part of the forest surrounding the Sacred Square was reportedly decimated by the Andalusian government just six days ago. Yet, this forest looks completely untouched. Could this be Yama’s power?”

            “I believe so,” remarked Manchettar. “But, this is as far as I will go. Good luck,” said Manchettar leaving. Geyser looked towards the Sacred Square.

            “This will be an interesting fight, Yama,” said Geyser as he crossed the barrier.

Author's Note

I want to know what you think of this exposition. Based on a recent criticism, I plan to revise this section in the future in the following ways: make them do stuff, break up blocks of dialogue, use italics for thoughts.

Reviews

[Arturo A. Estrada]

Interesting. So far I'm enjoying this and I can't wait to see where this goes. You offer great descriptions and enjoyable dialogue. Though my biggest critique would be that I couldn't tell what happened between when Manchettar joined Geyser and when they arrived at the square. It seemed so sudden, I suggest adding description for that section.

Everything I would say is what you've mentioned in your authors note so theres no need to be redundant. But, adding to breaking up dialogue, separate when someone finishes their dialogue and when the other reacts to it. (i.e "[dialogue]"...said Geyser. Manchettar chuckled.). "Manchettar chuckled should be separate from "said Geyser"

Other than that so far its a good story and I want more! I can't wait to see more from you.

[Azmain Nisak]

Thanks for a constructive review, Arturo. I will definitely keep your advice in mind!

[Michael L]

I like where this is going - you have a lot of creativity here, and the prose is very promising. I think we both might be influenced by the same fantasy books lol

[Azmain Nisak]

Thanks for your review, Michael!