The Boy Who Made Arrows

I stood there, completely lost in the breathtaking view in front. I gripped tightly and leaned against the railing which was separating me from the 200 feet fall. The wide canyon was spanning my entire field of view, touching the horizon far away. It was nearing sunset. I was seriously wishing that if the sun could set behind these hills, it would've been a mesmerizing view. But the sun was already en-route to the western horizon. I could see my long shadow getting dissolved in the wilderness in the deep.

'Kokra Kho, rather a funny name for this beauty.' I thought. That place used to be a waterfall, I came to know afterwards. But we couldn't find any trace of water anywhere near. I have to admit that our choice of visiting time was not an ideal one. It was mid-June, and the monsoon was just starting to get on. There were patches of green springing to life hither and thither. By the end of July, that place would be gleaming with greenery.

The waterfall is around 6 kilometres from Mandu, a famous tourist spot near Indore. Anyone who makes plans for Mandu excluding this place is, I would call, unfortunate. It was around 6 in the evening we reached there. There wasn't much crowd at that time of the day. A few families, a group of youngsters, we eight and, of course, the local merchants. I guess there were more monkeys than there were humans. When all my companions were busy taking photos of themselves, I was trying to capture the other monkeys on my mobile camera. I was extra cautious while using my phone, because these monkeys were experts in pickpocketing and anything I hold in my hand will be their point of interest.

"Don't go too close. She's guarding her child." the lady who was selling corn shouted from behind (in Hindi) as I was struggling to capture the mother and baby monkeys which were sitting on the railing on my right. Going too close wouldn't be a wise thing to do, I realized. Not knowing what to reply, I smiled at her. After all, I was not very confident about my Hindi skills. While walking back towards my friends she asked me:

"Sir, mind for a corn?"

"Ah... No." I said hesitatingly.

There was haste in their manners. It was nearing sunset and the place would be deserted afterwards. So this was their last chance to finish things their way. Everyone, in that way, was restless. While many were trying to finish their day's work, the others were concerned about taking photos before it gets dark.

It was then I noticed a group of kids, 4 kids I suppose, playing archery. In each one's hand was self-made bows and arrows made out of wood. It seemed to me that they were competing for the 'best-archer' title. But as I stood there watching them, I realized that they were not playing the game of archery, but were trying to canvas the tourists to try it out, so that they can charge them and earn money. I remembered that I too used to make bows and arrows for myself and play with it when I was a kid (though I was nowhere near to hitting my target). But these kids were not playing it for fun but for an earning. As I stood there fixing my eyes on those little archers, one kid- the most restless among them- noticed my interest. He was in dire need of a customer as the sunset was closing in. Without letting others take over, he came running towards me.

"Baiyya, want to try one?" he asked, fixing an innocent smile on his face.

I didn't give a quick reply as I was studying that curious little guy. He was not more than 6 years old. His face, though childish, was made tough by the unmerciful summer. The untidy hair looked like it hasn't seen water for months, growing freely on his head, leaning whichever way the wind blew. The shirt he was wearing had the same colour as the earth. Only two buttons were remaining, holding his shirt in place. But the thing that was most noticeable about him was something else. In spite of all these, he was happy! That smile I saw on his face was refreshingly original, unlike those fake smiles I was bored of seeing. He repeated his question when he realized I was lost in my own thoughts.

"Baiyya, one try? It will be fun!"

I wanted to say 'yes' and learn more about him, except I didn't. Partly because my Hindi wasn't very good, especially when talking to a kid.

Saying 'No' to him was the single hardest thing I did on that whole Mandu trip. I saw disappointment flashing across his face for a moment. But the smile returned in no time and he was insisting that I should try it out. There was something magnetic about his attitude, something that was standing out. It was definitely something I was missing in myself.

"Arjun!!" I heard my friends shout my name from uphill. They were preparing for the last groupie of the day. So I ran into the frame leaving the boy back at his playground.

After the battery of the camera drained, we decided to head back to Indore before it's late. As a finishing touch, we decided to end things on a glass of lemon juice. As we eight were sitting on the wooden bench sipping our lime juice slowly, the boy came back. I observed a sign of recognition when he saw me. He came near to me and repeated his words once again.

"Baiyya, try it once?"

This time it was more a request than a question.

"Come here, boy." Abhinav called the boy before I could respond. I guess he was aware of my level of expertise in Hindi.

"What's this?" Abhinav asked the boy, examining the bow in his hand.

"It's archery baiyya. You just have to hit the target I show."

"But we don't know how to do it!" he exclaimed.

"Don't worry, I will teach you." The boy replied with his grace.

"You made all these yourself?" asked Kritika referring to the bow and arrows in his hand.

"Yes, didi." the boy replied, his voice proud.

"Very good!" she said patting him on the back and asked:

"What's your name, beta?"

"Govind."

"Where do you live? Where's your home?"

"There..." Govind said pointing in a random direction without any sign of interest. He was clearly dissatisfied where the conversation was going.

"Please try once, didi. I will teach you how to do it." he said steering the conversation for his good.

"How much?" Abhinav asked.

"Only two rupees, baiyya." Govind replied with his playful smile.

"Let's do it Na?" Kritika asked Abhinav and turning to Govind she added:

"But you should teach me how you hit the bull's eye."

That was the moment I was waiting for, all the talking's been done. While Abhinav was paying for the 8 lime juices, I thought I would give it a try.

Govind's bow and arrows were not what I would call ‘the first class’. Neither the arrows were completely straight nor was the bow in a good shape. But I was stunned when he hit the small bottle, which was kept as the target, twice in a row with his crude weapon while demonstrating.

"Go on baiyya. Hit the bottle." Saying this, he handed me his toy.

I hesitated for a moment. Bearing the name of the great archer, it would be a shame to miss the target miserably. But in spite of all my efforts, I proved that I'm unworthy of the name.

"You're not holding it right." Govind said with all the seriousness of a teacher. He took the bow back and showed how to hold the bow, giving emphasis to the way he was holding his fingers. But before I could try it again, Abhinav came back and the game was his.

He did quite well actually, each time missing the target by an inch or two. Govind was constantly encouraging him to try better. But he couldn't hit the target, neither could Kritika.

"That's enough, I guess.” Abhinav announced after a series of failed attempts.

"Try once more baiyya. You're close!"

"I'm done beta. So, how much did you say?" he asked with a tone of closure.

"That'll be 12 rupees." Govind said realizing that there’s no point in pressing further.

"12 rupees? You said 2, didn't you?"

"Yes, baiyya. 2 rupees for each try."

"You naughty little guy, you didn't tell that!" Kritika tapped on his head playfully.

Govind shrugged his shoulder with an innocently mischievous smile on his face. The smile didn't fade even after we gave him the money.

"Thank you baiyya. Bye bye, didi." He said, waving his hand as we started to walk towards our cab.

Kritika waved back and said to me:

"He'll make a good businessman, I tell you."

I turned and looked at him and thought the same:

"He would make a good businessman. But he's making bows and arrows now."

As we walked back I saw a boy- who resembled Govind, but in more fancy clothes - shouting to his mother:

"Ma... Your phone camera is not working... I want to take a pic of those monkeys. I think these..."

I couldn't follow the rest because something heavy was setting down my chest.

"The world is an unfair stage.” I uttered to myself and turned once again to glance at the master of archery. 

He was already busy teaching his next customer how to hit the 'bull's eye'!

Reviews

[Anjali]

Thanks for sharing this story. I know you are a writer of simple words but deep meanings and that reflects in this piece of work as well. And there's more room for improvement.

[Leslie Philibert]

A good write, and as the excellent review from Silt notes, it needs some work on the dialogue !

[Silt]

Hello

I believe you need to do a bit of research on passive and active sentences. Though you have descriptions here, what lessened their impact is how you voiced them in a passive way. He stood on the brink of a canyon and yet I only felt it through an observational tone. What this does is filters the surroundings(sort of like putting a silk screen in front - I can sense the images but they are muted from what they can be.

Is this a bad thing? Well, the story can be enjoyed but you are cheating yourself, your writing, and the audience, by doing this.

Do a little research on passive and active voice, at the same time look up 'filtering'.

Your story has potential and so I would like to see it bloom. Make sure you understand not only the definitions of those terms, but also how they apply to writing, and more importantly, how you can apply them to your own voice. It is easy to change your words on the grounds of reviews/critiques - but without understanding those changes fully, your writing will suffer as it staggers around blindly.

Try to refrain from using 'I was.... / he was.... etc. The past is easy to establish, and once it is, those 'was' do you no justice.

Keep your eyes forward. It may sound like a negative review but it is not. I am only wishing to see your writing do what it has the possibility to be.

Best writing to you,

Silt

[The ArK]

Thank you for the review. I will certainly look into improving my language and style.

[Najam Us Saher]

I don't read stories usually, but the story drawn my attention towards this especially the place Indore.
The way you have written this captures every minute details.

[The ArK]

Thank you. Are you from around Indore?

[Najam Us Saher]

I was born in Indore, brought up in Hyderabad.

[Weeping willow]

Wonderfully written story, a bit long but was enjoyable ;-]

[The ArK]

Thank you :)

[barleygirl]

One of the best longer stories I've read in awhile here. I was transfixed to every detail as I was reading along, rather than feeling like skimming becuz of the length of your story. I find that online readers tend to be a little impatient, as far as reading the longer stories. That's why I'm emphasizing how much yours is a compelling story to read. I didn't feel like getting to the end quickly. I wanted to savor your story. It felt like I'd been transported to a different culture, which you show so well with abundant details. Your dialogue is also very well done, easy to follow, revealing the personalities of your characters, as much as showing what they are saying to each other.

In the first part of your story, I felt your writing to be a little repetitious in a few spots. So your story didn't start off as briskly as it could have. Example: paragraph 4 -- dialogue "don't go too close" then the other person repeats the same thing. Again in paragraph 7 -- you mention "finishing things" in two different ways, which feels repetitious. Later on, your storytelling becomes more focused & in this way it's more compelling. The paragraph which starts: "I didn't give a quick reply as I was studying the little guy" -- this paragraph is where your story really shines. You bring in many vivid details about your characters & the storytelling is done in an artful way (without any repetitiousness). From this point onward, your storytelling is really strong (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[The ArK]

Thank you Margie. I was fearing whether the story is too long. Glad you found this interesting.

[Wild Rose]

Ah Yes > He was a good business man
We were on the north shore of Scotland Man came up I a posh motor and a lady in an old banger
Man gets out and goes to the banger > It had been parked empty back down the road > He lifted out n artist easel some paints and a stool Then put on an old coat > set up his stall and returned to the posh car an took out a few finished paintings

Now he sat by his easel > Some people came up - he took up his brush and proceeded to paint
The people came over; watched him a while: offered to buy the painting "This is still wet the man said I have one here I finished earlier it is dry They gave him the money > The man went to the banger and got out some wrapping material
As the people left with the painting they wee herd to say "Poor old man he wont make much of a living with his paintings here "