Does she?

10/25/13

 

 

 

I heard you're dating someone

a girl just caught your eye

Tell me about this new love

the cause of your "Goodbye".

 

Does she greet you good morning

with breakfast in your bed?

Does she know your fav'rite songs

and sing them in her head?

 

Does she kiss you 'til you're breathless

and treat you like a prince?

Does she keep all your love letters,

not throwing them in bins?

 

Does she sing in the shower

and waltz on the floor?

Does she fix your black necktie

and wave bye from the door?

 

Does she pack up your lunch

a sandwich with a note?

Does she send you thoughtful texts

an "I love you" and a quote?

 

Does she understand your hobbies

the cigars and the games?

Does she also love your friends

the quirks behind the names?

 

Does she miss you when you're gone

and wait 'til you're back?

Does she offer better things

all the things that I lack?

 

Does she love you like I did

or does she love you even more?

And baby, does she even know

she has all I'm wishing for?

 

 

Author's Note

I missed rhymes. :)

Reviews

[dillonjensen]

A fascinating story within the poem itself. I really enjoyed this, along with its structure. Well done, miss!


Honestly reminds me of a song:"Maybe I'm your Mr. Right. Baby, maybe I'm the one you like. Maybe I'm a shot in the dark and you're my morning light."

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Hey, what's the title of the song??? Thanks, Dillon! :)

[dillonjensen]

"Mr. Right" by A Rocket To The Moon!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you! :)

[Lobster Goldberg]

Missed rhymes or not.. This was fantastic!

[icelandicblue]

Oh you do rhyme so very well. And the longing and questions echo far beyond your words. Will she ever- does she- those questions are fraught with the depth of emotion. Well done!

[Joyce S. Greene]

Any girl who would do all of those things for a guy certainly doesn't deserve to be dumped, Blue. Very nicely done. You don't need rhyme. This reads well just the way it is.

[Silent Wolf]

This reminded me of teardrops on my guitar, especially the ending. Really nice poem.

[Baby Ricochet]

Wow that's so sad. Good poem

[Rose of many colours]

Wow, 'And baby,does she even know she has all I'm wishing for?" It is like a song hidden in a song..Great write , I like how you flow here,like a river flowing during the mids of summer.. god bless you..

[kublakhan27]

I don't just feel like I relate to this character, I feel like I know her. This really cuts to the core of love lost and the sadness that comes from it, wondering if those little tendencies that brought the pair together remain intact with a new love, and were I in this case, not sure if I want to know the answer. The emotions really jump off the page (i.e. monitor) here. Well done Blue :)

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
This was very well written. You matched rhythm and syllables so precisely this could be sung to a tune. And yes, I would say NO, I don't believe she would love him - not as much as you do.

Not when you make the statement that all your wishes are wrapped up in him. Here is hoping smooth sailing in your dating days ahead. :)

[Tam Warink]

Superb, Blue! It's reads like a melancholy Dr. Suess; really it does. It is a marvelous construction - very easy to read and the story is simple yet poignant and, I would gather, quite meaningful to anyone in that position. I see only one minor usage problem: "waltz in the floor" ... perhaps you would consider a "waltz on the floor" instead? I would find the former difficult and the latter delightful.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Always the meticulous, you are. Such gift! Amazing, Tam! Thank you for the correction. :)