Break

I rest my head on my cozy pillow 

As the clock ticks every hour away. 

I'm still drained from the rituals of life

No matter the hours of rest I had today. 

I need a break

I can feel it in my fatigued soul

I need a break 

To indulge in life again, to be in control.  

Author's Note

Any suggestions would be appreciated! Just a rant I did, I guess. :)

Reviews

[kitty]

Yes Amanda I do believe all writers deserve that break - to recharge to study other forms. Lovely piece. Thank you for sharing it!

[Lorry]

If you think about it, what wey when we say we need a break, is a break from the broken. The broken life we trudge through, barely even registering the next broken thing to make our soul sigh, until our mind finds itself in the basement of despair. Life should be more than getting by, it isnt too much to ask for, that we can make our way through it with at least some element of reward anf happiness, is it?
The cycle of broken things only leads us deeper down the rabbit hold. Been there, done it, bought the t shirt and season book, for when I inevitably visit there again. Not too soon though, please.
You have my sympathies, and hopes that your days brighten.

[Onlyme]

To feel overwhelmed and burnt out is what we all feel at times. Well said and expressed Amanda.

[Chris Shaw]

A good read. We all need to take timeout every now and again, or else we will burn ourselves out. A relatable topic.

Chris

[Richard M]

fatigued soul, left out the 'd' Amanda lol Great poem though and wonderful depiction of a common situation.

[emipoemi]

"I'm still drained from the [disyllabic synonym for "everyday"] rituals of life
No matter the hours of rest I had today"

That would improve the musicality, and make better sense. You might also consider giving "hold" a full rhyme with "control" (since the latter's line is the stronger), but this is just something to consider - I'm not heavily emphasizing a "should do" as I am with the first comment (the first stanza by those lines have some musicality trouble, and my suggested edit would solve that problem). This poem otherwise is fantastic. Short, snappy, and powerful! Well done!

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you for you're amazing feedback again! So glad to hear it is powerful.

Regarding to change "hold," do you mind to switch it with "control?"

[emipoemi]

No. I mean switch "hold" for a word that fully rhymes with "control". "Hold" is ok - it's a bit of a cheat, because it's not a full rhyme, but it's ok. I'm just suggesting that because you have "away" and "today" fully rhyming, to make "control" fully rhyme with a word would make the poem much more powerful. And judging by what I've seen with your other poems, you can definitely make that change work. But if you're feeling "hold", then ok, keep "hold". It was not an urgent comment, because it does work (I'm not going to come down on you if you don't decide to change it).....but a good full rhyme ("good" being the operative word) would work better.

[Amanda Trerotola]

I totally agree with you! It sounds much better now.

[emipoemi]

......to be fully honest, not really, because "fatigue" (which is actually a noun, not an adjective.....the adjective is "fatigued") has the stress on the second syllable. It would sound better with a synonym which has the stress on the first syllable (like "weary" or "worn out" OR you could go stronger with "listless" or "languid").....but the line as a whole is muuuuuuch better! I knew you could do it!

[Amanda Trerotola]

Ohhh I like those adjectives better!