Chapter 1

1/1/13 �" Sunday

My name is Alexis Ash. I am 17 years old. I go to Bookview High. I currently don’t have a boyfriend, in fact I have never had a boyfriend. I plan on waiting until I am in college. You see I’m the good child. I haven’t gotten into trouble for years. My little sister Emily Ash, is 14 and has been arrested 4 times. My parents don’t need another problem child. So I am the good girl my parents wish my sister was. I don’t do anything wrong. I cuss when my parents aren’t around but other than that… but I mean who doesn’t?

Oh its 10:00, time to go to bed.

1/2/13- Monday

Wake up �" I open my eyes as the alarm clock blares. When I get out of bed, I get dressed in light blue jeans and a pink sweater. I don’t wear make-up I never have. I don’t believe in covering up my                       ` face. Then I run downstairs and eat breakfast and then brush my teeth. I get in the car and drive to school. When I get there I grab my backpack and head to my locker. I have advisory with Mr. Booker. He teaches history, I have him 5^th. First period is Science. I have that with Mrs. Blum. Then I go to English lll honors. Mrs. Leggett teaches that class. Next I have P.E. that when I see him. I was walking to gym. He walks up to me and begins talking. I can hardly listen. But I force myself to.

“Hi, um, today is my first day, do you know where the gym is?” he asks, he is wearing black jeans and a black shirt with a skull on it. As well as a leather jacket. He has green eyes and black hair. He looks into my grey eyes and smiles. I smile back at him as I put my long blond hair into a pony-tail.

“Yeah, I’m heading to the gym now. Come on I’ll show you.”

“thanks.” He says. “By the way I’m Edgar. Edgar Barth.”

“Alexis Ash.” I say. He holds out his hand and I shake it. We start walking towards the gym. When we get there I go to the girl’s locker room and I can feel his eyes on me the entire way there. Once I’m inside, I change into my shorts and t-shirt. Then I go back into the gym and sit in my usual spot on the bleachers, alone. I pull my book out of my gym bag and start reading. Then feel someone sit by me. I look up and see Edgar. I smile but somehow he could see right through it.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing, just not used to company.” I lie, partly. I am not used to company but my sister assaulted a cop last night and I’m worried about her and my parents but I’m not going to tell him that.

“Oh, well do you mind?” he asks

“no.” I smile for real this time.

“Hey do you want to go out sometime? Like now? Maybe we could skip this class and go walk around.”

“What? God no!”

“Oh. Um ok.”

“Not to be mean but I don’t date and I don’t skip class, my parents don’t need another problem child.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look maybe when I get to know you better I’ll tell you but for now…” I let myself trail off. He looks at me sadly.

We don’t talk for the rest of the period. But when the class is over he waits for me.

“Here’s my number, how about you text me when you get home, maybe we can hang out, as just friends. I don’t want to push you too far.” He says.

“ok.” I take the slip of paper from his hand and start to walk away. Until he asks.

“Um, Alexis, do you know where the Spanish classroom is?”

“Yea, I have it next, come on.” I say.

He follows me up 2 flights of stairs and into Mrs. Voss’s class.

“Ma’am” I say. “We have a new student.”

Mrs. Voss looks at me and then at Edgar, “hijo puede usted sentarse junto a su amigo?”

“Si.” Edgar says.

“Perder, qué tiene que?” I ask.

“Si.” Señorita Voss says.

I show Edgar to the empty desk next to mine and he sits down. Soon class starts and I get a note from him.

Hey. ~Edgar

I don’t pass notes, I don’t need to get into trouble. ~ Alexis  

Ok, but will you please do it this once? I want to get to know you…

How about this, I give you a ride to the my favorite restaurant after school and we hang out for a while then I give you a ride home before I go home and do my homework.

Ok. But I still want to talk to you, and I get to give you a ride, I want you to see my cool as hell motorcycle.

How about not and heck no! I don’t rise motorcycles! They are dangerous!

Ok.

I go back to listening to Señorita Voss. Soon the class is over. I rush out and head to history. With Mr. Booker. This is the class I go to lunch with. We go about 20 minutes into class. 

Reviews

[Phillitup]

This is kind of rushed, not enough detail and you just skip around. Let us really know the characters, lead us through a day of your main characters life before you start the plot twist. Let us meet all her teachers, make her jot down her homework in her diary so she doesn't forget it. The boy shouldn't be as upfront, maybe one class before he starts talking to her. He can stare and stuff.

Does this help? I really like your idea, you just need to thicken it a little. Nice work!

-Dell

[writingurl14]

thanks... i will work on it :)

[Phillitup]

no problem :)

[writingurl14]

:)

[sivan]

this is written very well since you only 14... theres work that could be done on it but i think depending on the age group of the reader that is debatable... plus it's a diary form so there are less rules to follow... overall nice start

[writingurl14]

Thanks so much! i really hoped people would like this! thanks again :)

[Samantha Lynn]

slow things down. no need to rush to get to the point. The great thing about writing is the fact that we can talk all we want with no rush to get to the ending. :) Work on your editing. Indent every time some one speaks to ease confusion on the reader. Check your grammar. Add more back story as to what is happening as well because remember that the reader has no clue what happened before. I mean, that would definitely make my life easier if they did, but alas. No such luck.

There is potential in this, it just needs some work. But also remember that books take years of work and you are never going to be happy with the finished product because you are going to be a book perfectionist. It is a writers curse so try not to eat yourself up over the little things.

That is the best advice I can give you. :) Message me if you want some help with anything at all. :) I will be happy to help in any way that I can. XP

[writingurl14]

thanks my editor hasnt edited this yet so i will type the new version asap :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. I like the thoughts and the interesting situation. The boy doesn't give up. I like this. I like the girl attitude. Trying to do the right things. You have my interest. Where is the story going? Thank you for the excellent opening chapter.
Coyote