chapter 1

just chapter one going all the place

Ch1

A young woman sit alone in a small apt on a Friday night in front of computer try to come up with an idea for a book. She wish to make a book that someone someday would want to read and feel like they understand want so mean and feel it themselves. But it not going so good because she not good at make story up and keep to the plot. She has so many thoughts in her head and music playing in her ears that it makes it hard.  She feeling like throwing her hand up in the air and give up.

 

That young woman is me for sure I would sit here try to come up with story with a real plot but nothing would come to me.  See I have not find my place in this world let and still looking for it. I knew people about my age are still looking themselves. But I feel like I should know by now.  I come up with so much idea and plan for my life it some I feel like Iive in my head more and more.  I know it not a good thing to do but I have no idea or clue has to start or get what I need to make idea come to live.   You asking me what idea give us an idea of what you talking about.  So will give you some idea that I have.  See I crochet so I make bags and scarfs and thing like that I want to selling online and make money that way. But I have been doing that for two year now.  No one has bought a thing from me. I’m not give up on it just not going the way I want it to go right now.  The next idea is to open a store that let other arts and handmade sell they things but store itself would be work of art in ego green.  It would have reused thing like paint and flooring and have rain water bathrooms. And new on idea is to make it big on YouTube but I find it hard and out of my hand at this point and time.  Yes I do a lot thing online.  I big in social network sites I’m on so many of them I can’t keep up not more little like my blogs too.  Sorry I make fun of myself right there. Because I have so many blog out there that I don’t keep up or remember them all. I know that is sad and bad because how I going to keep up with is books. Will I may not get done in the set time that I give myself but you never know I may just get it done.  What social network site I am on um that is hard thing to answer I join so many some of them never go where way and some of them have movie about them like Facebook. I like Facebook a lot more they MySpace or bebo or the other entire one out there.  So we go that out of the way what next. If you don’t know what podcasting is then you need to look it up or I will tell you it is basically make up your own radio show. Some podcast have more than one host and other just have one and lot guests. My just had me for the start because I don’t know what I going to talk about when I start it just like this book lol.  Now a good friend of my going to be my cohost and help me make my podcast better I hope. By the way I thought I call my podcast thought blog but they I re name it mind of lazythirdeye. No lazy third eye idea is not talk about dicks it talk about your inner eye thank you. Yes I have people ask that about my id name on site.  I know there a lot of sick mind people out there or as I call them a*****e sickos.  Yes I do like a good sex set as the next people but I do like to think I can keep my mind out of gutter. As you can guess not all the time and not all away when I myself another.  Yes I have sex day dreams I’m sorry to tell the world but it true I feel not like lairing no more.  I’m sure other people other girl do to this too.  Like I say before I live in my only head to much.  I live in the middle of nowhere   and I don’t have a lot friend in real life that I want to go hang out with all the time.  I make up my only friends in my head or online who I talk to on and off and some of my online friend for years now. I will not name them but I have some that I talk to when I this 12 year old and still do. I miss a lot the one who stop talking to because they life got more fun and busy. Yes I know I’m crazy and I’m sorry if you don’t like crazy people.  I think people who are odd in a good way have a better life.   I do vid on YouTube where I talk about whatever on my mind or what happened in my life by the way not a lot as you can imagine. I know so of you reading this will say get out more or join club or whatever you are thinking when you read this.  It is hard for me because of my fears that I have and fight with all the time.  Sense I got out of high school it have got hard for me to work thought I fears.  The rule that told to you when you child are in your mind  like talk to strangers  and so how are you go to meet new people when you don’t have safe place like school to go to. I know that weird and a little crazy but I hear the entire bad thing that happened when you open up and meet people you don’t know outside.  I know it may never happen to me but I don’t know that. If I could come back in time  when I’m let say 35 or something and tell myself that everything will be find  not one going to try to kill you or rape you then I could go out and meet people and feel safe but that not going to happened I don’t think.  I wish it would but …    I’m not really so what to say not.  I really don’t want to make this book about myself because I birth and I grow up and now I’m 23 and fear of the world….  Not the best story.  Someday I want to get marry and have kids and so something more than just sits here at the computer. I don’t know how to break out of the safe zone without make myself go mad in the bad way. 

 

If you know that I add good or bad to some word I start doing that in high school so people did know that I mean it in one way or the other and I don’t know a lot people who do that. I like make sure someone knows if I need in bad or mean away or in a good and nice away. Because I have time where I say something and they take it the wrong away.  I’m not sure if a lot people never notice that I did. 

 

Author's Note

same as other one