A Poem by Moth Phoenix

It's another version of something I had to do for creative writing.


She casts such a thin shadow,

behind the eyes of those around her.

She speaks loudly what she wants to say,

but it only comes out a whisper. 

She's like that one last ember to die,

hanging on to life more than ever. 

She cries but no one sees,

she laughs but no one cares.

The full moons in her eyes are now waning,

while she's stuck fading.

She knew she'd have to face this horrible fate,

to see her one true mate. 

"I've looked for thee and now you're here" 

"I have come for you my dear" 

the words she longs to hear,

tangled in the web of life,

through the stars of the universe. 

Such a lonely girl she stands,

casting such a thin shadow.

She longs to take in ones true grin,

but hides like the little chameleon. 

© 2013 Moth Phoenix

Author's Note

Moth Phoenix
I would like to say that those who have read and reviewed, and liked this poem, thank you! When I presented this in class, absolutely no one liked it. It means a lot :)

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register

Featured Review

well crafted poem...but one question I had was why it would be a horrible fate to see her one true mate?

"I've looked for thee and now you're here"
"I have come for you my dear"
the words she longs to hear,
tangled in the web of life,

this feels like wonderful longing...not a terribly feared outcome...

She seems like a wallflower...unnoticed...inconspicuous...blends into the background like a chameleon...yet she's longing for her one true love...resigned to worship from afar to use an old cliche...

I would suggest having us feel unrequited longing instead of consummate dread or insecurity...which I do feel...if this is your intent, then the poem works for me...

Posted 9 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
This is a good poem so I don't know why people wouldn't like it. I would recommend studying the difference between abstract and concrete language. People tend to like concrete language more.

Posted 4 Years Ago

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
I love this because it describes how I've felt for years growing up this is a really relatable piece =]

Posted 4 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I adore this poem! Reading it hit home because I can relate to it strongly.

Posted 5 Years Ago

This poem is absolutely amazing! its a favorite of mine. so much truth to this.p a pain that is smeared over our lives. plaguing
poisoning the most gentle of hearts
turned into stones

Posted 6 Years Ago

i would not say that I understand it entirely but it certainly sweeps along at some pace and is verty interesting, maybe I should read it thru several times

On the third line should it not be SHE SPEAKS..and not She's speak?

Posted 6 Years Ago

Moth Phoenix

6 Years Ago

Thank you for that. I fixed it!!
It was very compelling and interesting piece, well written with a strong, clear voice.

It is easy to read, the facts are presented clearly and concisely.

Congratulations and thank you for sharing interesting master piece.

Posted 6 Years Ago

A crafty poet with a great pen...Thank you for sharing...:)

Posted 6 Years Ago

Such a depth in self description, Amazingly done.

Posted 7 Years Ago

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
A very interesting poem. Overall it was well written and there were no obvious errors. I got a good sense of someone being ignored by others from this poem.

Posted 8 Years Ago

beautiful work and words :)

Posted 8 Years Ago

First Page first
Previous Page prev
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


34 Reviews
Added on September 14, 2010
Last Updated on August 3, 2013
Tags: lovely, alone, invisible


Moth Phoenix
Moth Phoenix

dirrrty ham, MA

I'm the most angelically demonic girl you will ever meet. I'm rarely on here, but now that I've gotten back into the swing of things, I'll probably lurk a lot more. more..

Panic Panic

A Poem by Moth Phoenix

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..