real me

u see this happy loving caring friend, but that’s all you see, there is more to me. The pain that I feel the tears that I’ve shed, the times I just wish I were dead. All the fake smiles I show, the happy girl I used to know, will soon fade away, but remember the day when u finally here “I’m sorry” and see the pain in my eyes, cause then and only then you will know the real me.

Reviews

[Fallen Angel]

I love the words and what you are saying..but you should really try orginizing yours words into stanzas. Example:

U see this happy loving caring friend
but that's all you see
there is more to me

The pain that I feel
the tears that I’ve shed
the times I just wish I were dead


All the fake smiles I show
the happy girl I used to know
will soon fade away

Just something like that..just my opinion and it will make the poem much easier to follow..because right now this is pretty much just a paragraph

[Silere]

Again.. organizing your words this way is a bit distracting.. but there's so much emotion in your words.. it's very well written. The words chosen flow together really well. You have quite a talent. I feel your strength within the few poems that I have read so far. Keep writing from your heart.. stay true to yourself...and Thank you for sharing!!

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. A short sequence with sentence structure would make more easy to read. Poem is very good. Sometime better to hide disappointment and sadness. Not good to show too many the real person to but friends. A powerful poem.
Coyote

[JenLyn]

You should try a different format for this, use a bigger and darker font as well. The poem is okay, I really can't say too much about it because it was a little difficult to read. Keep writing :)