With Hindsight

Don't we all suffer from this?

Many, many moons ago

too many to confess,

I revealed my reasons for parting

and he would remember the rest.

It wasn't my finest hour,

while caught in the cold April rain,

I stumbled on words I was saying

and knew they were causing him pain.

Oh, it wasn't the morning shower

that drizzled his cheeks with wet,

it was the message that I was conveying,

so coldly without a regret.

With hindsight I wish I had waited

not knowing his days were numbered

and the affliction that he would succumb to

would attack and leave him encumbered.

His fate descended in darkness,

on reflection I wish I had known

that his cards were marked by misfortune,

a lament I can not atone.

In a box in my loft I discovered

concealed and hidden for years,

a greeting he sent me one Christmas,

now smudged by my much older tears.

Reviews

[willweb]

Every time I think of regrets, the song, "I did it my way" seems to start playing in my mind. "regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention" Sometimes relationships end for good reasons and sometimes for not so good reasons but in the end, they were relationships and hopefully there were good times and things were learned along the way. i am sorry for whatever ailment found your friend later in life but that happens too. I do know one thing for sure, a great poem came from the mix, so for that, there should be no regrets at all.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you will. Yes, I poemed him and I think he would be thrilled to know that. Have a good Sunday.

Chris

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Dear Chris Shaw. It is a loose word moon. But to me not. I find it overwhelming.
The space a void. The sound so harsh it end ya,
The death, a parting
The hardest thing to go through,
Apparition, apparition, so eerie, I feel it, ---1809 Black Plague December

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks for reading this older poem. Partings are difficult. Death even moreso. Have a good Sunday.

Chris

[1809 Black Plague December]

your welcome, dear, you too,

[FGFRANKLIN]

We all have to find our own paths, walk our own roads and not all of them are easy; some are rocky and rough with potholes all along the way. Regret is like war, good for absolutely nothing, as the old song says. The best any of us can do is learn from life and try to make tomorrow better than yesterday. The past is built to last, it just hangs around getting older until we die and then it becomes someone else's history to share. So I try not to waste my time on regret because it gains us nothing but heartache. Life is short. It's up to us to make it worth living. I once heard a story that a young student asked his wise mentor the question, "What is the meaning of life?" and the old sage replied, "My son, it is the meaning YOU give it." We might all be better off if we took that lesson to heart. It's not always an easy thing to do but it might be the wisest course of action. Bless, F.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Fabian for sharing your thoughts on this old poem. Out for an April airing. I too believe, life is what you make it.

Chris

[Lorry]

If only and maybes run through our minds constantly, but you had your reasons and without trying to sound in any way woke, you would no doubt get cancelled these days, for treating him differently because he was ill.
I have no idea what cancelled means either, as I would just see it as a handy way of annoyingly self indulgent tossers ignoring me, which I am all for.
The end lines were sad, but they did make me think I was also glad I didn't have any remnants left to lug around after a fire lightened my possessions and house for that matter to Ash.
Now, I must scoot because I think I have said I about 8 times now and now fear that I (9) may be in fear of waking and talking about myself incessantly for the rest of my (10?) life.
Oh and I (11) must go and take 26 selfies, just in case everyone forgets what I look like and how thoroughly super duper awesome I (12) am. 😊

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Lorry. That must have been awful losing personal stuff in that fire. I must add that said young man was not encumbered by illness at the time we parted. No that came later when he met his new love. If I’d left him because of his illness then by todays standards I would deserve cancellation. Nope, it was more that he wanted to settle down and I wasn’t ready to become a wifey and strifey. Good luck with them selfies:))

[Lorry]

Oh, soz. I got the wrong end of that thing that's brown and sticky, a stick! 😊

[emmajoygreen]

Whether or not your words were written hours or years ago, they make a reader realize that most human beings say or do things that hurt and harm, and, vice versa. Human nature isn't as human as it should be all the time. Tragically. Your words tell a story that hits home, that makes shame drift to the surface. Seems you were born wise, Chris.

[Chris Shaw]

Greetings Em and many thanks for giving this old poem some consideration. This young man’s ending was tragic, and even though I feel a little guilt at saying what he didn’t want to hear, I feel no shame because it would have been far worse if I had lied to him. It is very difficult having to tell someone something you know will cause them pain. No matter how diplomatically you try, the end result is going to be the same. I think the theme here is universal. We have lovely sun today, so will be spending some time in the garden centre, choosing some colour for my haven. Hope your day is productive and happy.

Chris

[emmajoygreen]

Guess many of us climb and fall out of human nature's lack of caution, doubt, etc', Chris. Life and death make cruel partners.. if you can think in that way. I'm trying hard to have a productive and happy day. Take care, keep safe.

[DIVYA]

Yes, we all suffer from this. Sometimes, we all have been, what in retrospect we now think cold and unfeeling. As you so touchingly describe, he was hurt and his fate later descended into darkness. Life goes on and everyone has their own destiny's cards served to them yet one feels sad for them and a bit guilty sometimes. It must have therefore felt so sad suddenly coming across a lovingly written Christmas greeting by him and remembering him. In a similar way, I too now much older, realize I could have been gentler and less abrupt. But we are only human. I related so much to this beautifully expressed poem, dear Chris. It took me through some very significant moments in my own past.

[Chris Shaw]

Dear divya thank you for your very understanding review. He was my first love. He wanted to settle down, I didn’t. I have many happy memories before the sad ones settled in. He married and he had a couple of years with someone else before he passed over. Guilt? Yes, a little. So appreciate your visits dear friend.

Chris

[DIVYA]

Indeed, we are so unsure about settling down at that age. We want to explore, experience so much before we eventually do. Its so sad he could not go on living a life he had wanted for himself. Thank you so much for sharing, my friend.

[Mk.t.g]

"His fate descended in darkness,
on reflection I wish I had known
that his cards were marked by misfortune,
a lament I can not atone."
Such amazing connectivity here, Chris! I really enjoyed the read. Regret, sorrow, and the wanting to go back and reverse the course of events are fairly common, and I am sure, we all find this piece relatable.
Mk.t.g

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you my friend for such a positive review. This is one of my much earlier poems out for a bit of April fresh air. Yes he crossed my mind today. 26 is far too young to die. Love his memory.

Chris

[Maxwell Ryder]

Stellar!! I’m a sucker for these because I had a femme fatale break me. Sorry to hear he succumbed. I do believe in a broken heart. There’s been real studies that do point to weakness in the heart’s valves and integrity from heartbreak. Probably why so many older spouses go shortly after their life partners pass.

Again, an excellent write. Not just in theme, but all the decoration that goes into making it rhymed and metered.

[Chris Shaw]

It's always good when the reader can relate to the subject matter. thank you so much maxwell for taking the time to read so many of my poems this afternoon. I am truly thankful.

Chris

[barleygirl]

This wrenches my heart, big time. I had a best friend who was dying & I asked him to do something that ended up shortening his few months left here on earth. I’ve never been able to express that painful nugget buried deep in my psyche. Your well-crafted message blends an earnest message with searing regret in a realistic way, including well-balanced rhyme & rhythm. Now if I could only do that someday to memorialize my friend (RIP) *sigh!* This is really a stunning piece of writing (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Margie. I felt all the better for writing this poem. It needed to be done.

Chris