Unforgiving

(a half truth)

Down a gritty garden driveway,

scrunch on gravel wet with sleet.

Letter lands upon the doormat,

apprehension at her feet.

Smudged black ink on damp Bond paper,

flourish of a Shaeffer pen.

Bold in style, yet's she's lamenting

months of heartache way back when

He a chum of many seasons

changed the tune and sought romance.

She not free to join the party

didn't care to dice with chance.

He persistent with his wooing,

brewing up a seething storm,

rocked the boat, no peaceful sailing

feelings changed, no longer warm.

Trouble bubbled in the cauldron,

bitter feuding started war.

Cursed was she who once had loved him,

as a brother, nothing more.

Tempted by belated contact

could she break the letter's seal?

Struck a match and burned the contents,

didn't read what time can't heal.

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Wow Chris - you know how to tug at something inside! Oh the things for which in my teenage and student years I would like to go back and apologise. I hope I never caused serious offence or hurt or worry - it was always through inept social skills rather than anything more sinister. But it doesn't do me any good to dwell on these, and raking up old bad situations to supposedly right them doesn't help the other person either, except in very rare cases. Because truthfully, actually what I'd be saying is either (a) 'forgive me', with the 'sorry' as a means to a hoped for absolution, or (b) I still want to be with you, even though neither of us is the same person now, or that I obviously never totally knew you even back then. It's sad. So far I've resisted temptations to go back. I think the receiver of the letter was right to burn it.

So that's what this writing sparked in me. This may not 100% match what you intended, but writers have limited control over readers' interpretations of their work! In terms of skill and technique, you have, as always, some fabulous imagery. The first 2 lines are almost Dylan Thomas - I can hear Burton saying them! However, partly because of this amazing start, for me the poem's rhymes sometimes seemed to trivialise the depth of feeling and darkness. For me, much of the rest would have felt better and more in keeping with a lighter less heart-ridden topic. They're brilliantly done, however. Always inventive. And never trite or in need of awkward unused words that folk sometimes dig out in order to fit meter! I think it's bits like 'chum' and 'trouble bubbled' that, for me, just suggested something lighter. However, that said, you'll note that it has evoked a detailed response in me - and perhaps my strong liking for the first two lines and how they hooked me has led me to expect something you never intended, i.e. perhaps my interpretation was not even near 100%!

I'll stop there. I "enjoyed" reading this - it stirred some old dark corners!

BRs Nigel

[Chris Shaw]

What a fabulous review. I am flattered that my start was almost Dylan Thomas like and if you could hear Burton reading those first lines, then that is icing on the cake for me. Regarding the depth of feeling, I would say, that tells you far more about the poet. I could have written this in free style, but I guess I didn't really want to. Intentionally keeping this lighter for fear of resurrecting too much. Maybe poet protecting herself when in fact she should have been thinking more about the reader. Sorry if I took you to places that you would rather forget. I am thankful for your review Nigel.

I ho

[Ranger Kessel]

I love this a tick. And I, well let's say it hits home. Very nice write

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Ranger. Appreciate you calling.

Chris.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Beat to burn and cut ties to that that does not feed the soul and spirit love those words-‘ didn’t read what time can’t heal’, best to let go of things that cannot bechanged and find peace within- it only steals your joy- excellent words....some learning this has taken🌹

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much and sorry for not responding earlier. Your comments very much appreciated.

Chris

[emmajoy]

My goodness, truth as truth can be, Chris.. the differences of two people wrapped in tisue paper past. Trouble is, don't you think.. words are so easily juggled and jumbled according to thinking differnt sides of the proverbial fence!

You really had the bit between your teeth here, clear mind, trembling heart perhaps but '.. didn't care to dice with chance... ' is somewhat shadowed by, '.. once had loved him,~ as a brother, nothing more.' Yes? You write with a clean-cut flourish, truly do.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Em. Would be interesting to get a poem written from the other's perspective eh? Clear minded after the event, maybe not during. Enjoy the sunshine.

Chris

[emmajoy]

There could be a brave man out there willing to respond, Chris. Perhaps you could invite a few and see who the hero might be?

Will look at the sunshine, freckle up... keep busy. Enjoy what looks to be Summer.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Masterfully portrayed, Chris.
A high-level offering!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Jimmy for your kindness.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I enjoyed reading this. For some reason it reminded me of Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights. And just the comparison I would venture is high praise. Good writing. Bless.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Fabian, that is high praise Indeed.

All good wishes

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh my, i can relate to this...a couple times, those friendships bordered on changing into something else...and it really created awkward situation...the easiness, the comfort between dissipated.When one of my friends and I decided to date, we went on one...and at the door, we tried to kiss goodnight and started laughing so hard we couldn't...
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Hey Jacob, that is a funny story you have related. It's good to laugh.

[sette]

and there will always be a reason for everything. Intriguing write but interesting

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you sette. Indeed, there is a reason for everything.

Chris