My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Well, i can tell you this. I think many people can relate to be living these days, in their own prisons. So can i relate to this...except for temporary love... Anyways, back to your write, you did a really nice job putting this to words. Trully worth the 100 mark:)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Infernal Machine! I appreciate your review and I am glad you could relate to the feelings in this poem. Thanks buddy!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You are welcome:)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

What i said still stands my friend. Though thanks for the request.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks IM .... was trying to send to my new friends that hadn't seen it yet so just sent to all and let it decline those who I already sent to... my bad buddy :)

[Yanina McKnight]

I really enjoyed reading this piece, I related so much to the emotional implication you described.
Great diction, the structure of the poem created wonderful imagery.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Yanina :) I appreciate you taking the time to read it and review it :) Glad you enjoyed it.

[Yanina McKnight]

You're very welcome! I enjoy analyzing poems of all sorts :)

[AaronFreitas]

Awesome you can go through mine... one poems dark, the next is positive, next is funny... never know whats going to come out haha

[Yanina McKnight]

That's great! I will definitely look at the rest of your poetry!
A lot of my writing is serious/dark, I usually just write my thoughts and feelings

[AaronFreitas]

Same here... it's always good to get those thoughts and feelings out.

[Yanina McKnight]

I agree. That is why I made writing my passion

[Karen Arizona]

Hi Aaron, I've not read much from this site lately until this morning, as I am able, and I want you to know that your poem, 'My Own Prison, touches me. I've only read a few of your poems, so far, but you do have a way with words. Your thoughts are honest and heartfelt. This poem, 'My Own Prison,' is sad though because it's so self-critical. I relate. The mirror is just an image though and, for myself, how I look at myself changes, day by day. Your poem is well structured, easy to read, and I comprehend the meaning without strain. Thanks for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Karen.... I really appreciate your comments as I do try to write in a way that is easy for others to understand... to the point but still a deep thought. I am not a huge fan of throwing out some big words no one knows and making stanzas to confusing you can't understand :) I appreciate you Karen :)

[~]

Aaron, as an English Major, I must say you have accomplished purpose with meter and rhyme and matched all to fit the tone of this write.

I can feel that steel gurgling within your blood, trying to poison the future, and maybe succeeding at some point.

But although it is not explicitly said here, I know you have the power to break free and rise above all like a phoenix!

Well done my friend!!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Miss Moonskittles :) It's always a pleasure to see your bright smile come across... oh and always nice to read your reviews haha... English major that is awesome!

[~]

:) you are welcome!

[B]

Interesting

I know how this feels

The only cure

Is to never give in to fear

It is a liar

The worst of all kind

[AaronFreitas]

Yes indeed Nisreenaa...fear keeps us trapped and down. Thank you for your review I appreciate it my friend :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

we are all trapped in some kind of prison of our own imagination.........
very thoughtful......relateable write.....
effortless and powerful....
i loved it!!!
:)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Pushkar... sometimes we put ourselves there and keep ourselves there. I am glad you could relate buddy! Thanks for your review it is much appreciated :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome friend............!!! :) :)

[Ruth]

Lovely structure...those who are sensitive to life often batttle for a perfect them...truth be told there is none...we just are...accepting that does help us bear our burdens I guess...relatable write and potently voiced hon...

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Poppy. It is... well was a struggle for me trying to be perfect. Trying to be the best at everything, have the best and just chased a dream far from reality. Thanks for your review my friend :)

[Ana B.]

The structure is great my friend, and the message and ideas are awesome and raw....don't we all have our own prison with the key in the back pocket? Love it :)

[AaronFreitas]

Yes we do my friend :) All we have to do is allow ourselves to be free... thanks Ana I appreciate your review and cute new pic :)

[Ana B.]

Thanks sweetie :)

[Linda alexander]

Explicit narration of burying oneself in the grave self created, excellent flow, many may relate to this poem

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Linda :) I appreciate your comment... a little bit different from my Happy 4/20 piece haha

[Linda alexander]

You welcome, take care