My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[J.A. Marquez]

Deep. Super super deep. The prison of lies and chasing unrealistic dreams, I mean all of it, is such a spot on analogy. You can become so easily trapped in all the negatives and it kills. It really does. I like the structure. Your poetry is very rhythmic. It reads well, and emphasizes what you are trying to say. Some things like this just fall flat, but you have a way of putting your heart into it.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you my friend... I appreciate your comments. :)

[SheIsMe]

I can relate in so many ways. It's like reading about myself. Great suggestion of life being a prison cell sometimes. Four walls are so claustrophobic. Try letting down one wall at a time. Only then will you be free. Then you can breathe, and smile, and enjoy life outside of the walls that are in place. I love reading your writing :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much! Always nice to see your picture come across and your words brighten my day :) thanks my friend

[cloakedone]

you know this oddly made me think of hitler in many ways ,i mean no offens to your work but really it does good job.i comend you

~cloaked one

[AaronFreitas]

Haha maybe it's the German in me lol... no offense taken. When I think of it you make sense.... He did chase dreams far from reality, did create a world that was his own prison. Oh my am I like an every day Hitler? haha jk Appreciate the review :)

[cloakedone]

love the light humor..and no problem

[AaronFreitas]

thanks my new friend... send me read requests of your writings... its easier for me that way :)

[cloakedone]

ok i will do that

[Brittany]

I really connected with this on an emotional level. I enjoyed the flow of it. The thing about it that gets me I guess is that this is entirely sad but true. Stay strong and keep up the amazing work! (:

[AaronFreitas]

Yes it is my friend... sometimes we get into dark places... some more than others. I actually had the title in mind because I really want to publish a poetry book... just to be able to say I did it... the words are what came out from that title thought and for me it's the truth that pours out when I write. I am glad you connected with this piece and glad it found you :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

This was a really dark, yet beautiful piece..
The metered structure was brilliant!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Nikki... I actually took time to write this piece... save it.... come back to it a few weeks later and re-do it in a more structured way. So I appreciate your comments very much :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

You're welcome. It's a damn good piece! Haven't talked to you in forever. How have you been?

[AaronFreitas]

I have been good... trying to write more. I want to publish a poetry book... I think it would be an awesome accomplishment. How you been?

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

I totally back you on the poetry book! It would be amazing! You have my #, txt me.. Don't want to fill you in on here..

[AaronFreitas]

Aight will do :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

Aaron, I hope there are people in your life who will tether you whenever these times fall their hardest. You certainly have the courage and strength within you to pen the weight of these words, which makes this one remarkable poem!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Kelly... I find strength in a lot of places... sometimes my writings come out really dark my I'm not in that dark of a place :)

[julia senpai]

this was a very awesome poem i read alot of your work an i like your writing

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Julia you just became my bff in saying that! haha I appreciate your kind words my friend :) Don't be a stranger message me.... I just saw you are in Stockton you are a few hours away from me! Must be that Cali connection :)

[Deepika]

This was too intense! I can relate to this feeling. Excellent use of words aaron :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Deepika! I appreciate your review :)

[Blotted Ink Productions]

This poem is deep. Love the rhyme scheme. When reading it, it reminded me of someone who felt the hopelessness of being sentenced to life. Is that kind of what you were going for?

[AaronFreitas]

Kind of... the feeling that this life I live is like a prison I have created myself... being sentenced to life in a prison I created for myself. I appreciate your comment my friend :)

[Blotted Ink Productions]

I know that feeling, my brother. Hang in there

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I will :)

[Bear]

Outstanding! I really like dark poetry, how can you truly appreciate the yen without knowing the yang. Your line and rhyme structure is right on and in reads it's self the flow and timing is so smooth. Thank you for allowing us the pleasure of reading your work.

[AaronFreitas]

Aww thanks you made my day! I appreciate your review :)