My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Olando Lucas]

I love this poem.. it has me reflecting on my life..thanks

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Olando... sometimes things we do and choices we make create the world we live in... sometimes it feels like a prison... hell for some people it becomes a real prison :) Appreciate your compliment :)

[Reeg]

Trap by your own ideals? trapped in your own skin. only a truly interesting person can write a truly interesting poem. the fact you used such a format and included the raw emotional content. Bravo. Damn great job (:

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Reeg :) This one is actually a piece I wrote and finished... then came back and worked on formatting it then again to finish it until I was happy. I really like this piece one of my favorites I've done so it means a lot that you enjoyed it :)

[Reeg]

Anytime! :D i love that you put alot of hard work and time into your writing! it is really admirable.
i just tried my hand at a Acrostic Haiku and i swear it was way harder than i thought it would be but i mad something happen and im happy with the outcome (: Keep doing your think man (:

[AaronFreitas]

haha thanks... an acrostic haiku sounds difficult

[Reeg]

difficault as hell, its on my profile if you wanna see (:

[Arunima]

NATURAL and right from the heart...gets difficult to maintain a particular format....but,KUDOS to you:)

[AaronFreitas]

Yeah maintaining a format isn't what I always do but I put more time and effort into this write and worked to stay true to the format I chose. Appreciate your review phoenix :)

[Arunima]

I once did an assignment on SHAKESPEAREAN SONNET and then while researching i realized "a b b a ...." format is tough...so i can understand what an immense effort you have put!!

[Nadia B.]

The flow works very well for the sentiment of the poem, you pull the reader in and they are able to feel what you are feeling. Really well done. That said if this poem is reflection of personal life, no need to try and produce a perfect self, the self you have, mistakes and all, is already perfect. Keep focusing on what you want and need to do rather than what has been done or what could go wrong. I hope this will help to set you free, or at least that through your poems you might find freedom, so please continue writing!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Nadia :) I appreciate your review and feedback :)

[Mitali Shah]

good one Aaron, you are in the flow of series with the experience of things that pushed you towards prison.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Mitali :) Appreciate your review

[Passengerr]

pensive writing Aaron. I think the words in this poem fits it's title. love the unique expression of what depression and what a feeling of hopelessness feels like. I pray a unique poem is all it is but in no relation to your lifestyle..:-)

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for the review Richie... the good part is no one will know where the inspiration came from :)

[Briana O'Connor]

I love the unique structure of the poem. It adds mystery and elegance. The message itself was quite haunting and inspiring. Something easily relatable to for me at least. Nicely done. Thank you for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Briana :) It has a deep meaning to me and I was hoping I could get that across to the reader. I am glad you liked it... that means a lot :) Thanks for taking time to read and review :)

[W R Stowe]

I think it's a splendid job.It will hit home with many I'm quite sure.Though I have no clue of what a meter system is please enlighten me I only see the flow as I read it.Nice rhythm and flow Aaron

Bill

[AaronFreitas]

Meter system is the basic rhythmic structure of the poem... so in this one I did it with the syllables... there are some good articles on meter in poetry. Appreciate the review buddy :)

[W R Stowe]

Your welcome Aaron

[Willard Wells]

If I read this from most I would be asking if we need to talk or get you help, but I have read and communicated to the point that you are digging to bring out the dark side. And you did. I at first thought it was a someone with self issues. But God created everyone perfect. Thanks for sharing and I read before I saw it was yours and it was a surprise.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Willard :) I tend to dig deep and find some dark pieces... I guess it's my style sometimes. Appreciate the review my friend :)

[Etta Beasley]

I love this and can soo relate. I struggle every day with the need to perfect "Chasing dreams far from reality,/
The root cause of my misery" that sums its up perfectly. This is really great, can't wait to read more 😊

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Etta... this is one of my favorites... probably the one I took the most time to work on and actually structure and re-think my ideas. Glad you can relate... appreciate your review and can't wait for you to read more :)