Chapter 2 Lucinda

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        Laira woke up “kai, kai, kaiiii” Laira said screaming in tears. Laira looked up and saw that it was thundering and lightning. Laira got up walking very gloomy back home. Lucinda the maid opened the door,”Oh Laira, what is wrong my dear child” as Lucinda looked around and did not see kai. Lucinda looked back at Laira “and where is your sister Kai” Lucinda said worried. “She was kidnapped Lucinda” Laira said trembling that they might kill kai Lucinda eyes widened in shock of what Laira said. “What, but who kidnapped her and how” Lucinda said “a group of men kidnapped her Lucinda” Laira said and sat on the steps. 

 

          Lucinda sighed and put her hands on her cheeks.“ Not them why did they capture kai” Lucinda said as she walked to Laira and sat down by her on the steps. Laira looked up at Lucinda “you know them” Laira said surprised but still sad “yes, there leader his name is Jason but he goes by the name cobra I hate that name” Lucinda said. “Cobra but that is a scary name “Laira said thinking about that name “well do not worry about that dear we will get your sister back” Lucinda said hugging Laira. Laira stopped crying “thank you Lucinda you’re the best” Laira said smiling “we will look for her in the morning so you get dressed for bed and I will make your dinner then in the morning  I will help you find her until sun set and then you are on your own.”  " ok lucinda"  

          Laira went to her room and changed into  her blue pajamas. Laira ran down stairs and dinner was on the table it was a hot red tomato soup with italian bread  and ice cream for dessert . Laira ate her food and went up stairs to go to bed " Dont worry Laira i will be up in a second" Lucinda said picking up Laira dishes. Laira nodded her head and went up stairs she sat on her bed waiting for Lucinda. Lucinda came up stairs and tucked Laira in bed "thank you so much Lucinda" Lucinda smiled "your welcome dear" she kissed Laira on the fore head "good night Laira"  Lucinda walked out her room and turn off the lights,Laira closed her  eyes and whispered " do not worry Kai i will find you" after Laira was done whispering she  went to sleep.      

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Story is so good. Character are interesting. Look forward to reading more.
Coyote

[Nicole]

You got a real talent for gripping your audience. xD It was really interesting, and you're really good with the accents that you made. Cockney, it seemed like. Very interesting! Though, chapter two is a bit short, it's still very interesting.
You might want to seperate dialogue, though. Like, when someone else starts talking, generally you make new paragraphs. BUT! That's the least of your worries, 'cuz it's a very good story. ^_^

[Jenthura]

Hmm, you need to create new paragraphs for dialogue. Example:
"Hi!"
"What do you want?"
"Food!"
Alright, just take the principle, not the bad example. Another thing is that you fail to capitalize many letters that require capitalization. You also forgot to put in question marks (?) on many questions. It needs major work, but if you really try you can fix it up.
It's also a little short.
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but I'm a heavy reviewer, and a nit-pickity perfectionist at that.

[EILEEN McGUINNESS]

You really have excelled here with the second chapter wonderful written sentences with so much detail and analysis,perhaps we will find out in the next chapter what has become of the missing girl,but i loved the homely way you wrote this chapter it was very appealing almost like reading a chapter from THE WALTONS (GOOD NIGHT JOHNBOY) HEE HEE

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the description and the story line is good. Look forward to reading more.
Coyote

[Pepsimax]

i loved it, it leaves the readers hungry for more with every word. It was a bit short for a chapter but it's brilliance helps make up for that.

[Bexfinch]

yyou need more desscription and i think thats all ; )