Silhouettes

Summer is my favorite season

I was born in the hazy heat

In the middle of a black and white city

that never goes to sleep

 

I hear a black crow at my window

her song, it frightens me

hard sandels, and coin medallions

a green dress, and Greek keys

 

The things we wanted they came too fast

and now we're stuck dwelling on the past

 

It would have been a boy, if he was real

and I would have named him Simon or James

I would have cried cause he was yours

He would have had a precious face

 

You have Rubies, Turquiose, and Sapphires,

I just have the moon, and a few pearls

You can light yourself on fire if you want to

and I'll smile at the world

 

So take my hand

and say something simple

you said it plenty when I didn't ask

Go on. Say that you love me

I didn't expect much,

I'm okay with that.

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

This piece is a wealth of diversity at the same moment, solidly deep and emotional. Each stanza could stand alone, conjuring it's own set of images and feelings. Yet when flowing together they fit together and pulsate with a pondering sadness, at the same time a breeze of hope.
Overall I would have to say that I saw this piece as being about young love, bad choices made to soon, a mellow sort of regret at the same time blanketed by wisdom and the need to keep walking forward.

Beautiful Ink!
Aaron

[Michael X]

I like this alot, caught between a dream and a memory.

[The Analog Kid]

I really like the flow and rhyme on the last stanza. Nice job:)

[Antonio Valentino]

Okay, well you're no one hit wonder. This too is, amazing. I am simply overwhelmed. I hope you realize how much talent you have. Please keep writing, it was meant to be.

Antonio :)

[Moflo]

I like how this poem escalates to a sudden issue that the reader does not see coming(but is foreshadowed with the change of verse). The rhymes are very nicely done and the opening passage does grab the readers attention nicely. Great job.

[nathan]

:) mmm

[.........]

Hi meg! Name stealer...
I really like this poem because it flows together so well and the rhymes sound really good. I was born in the summer, too, and I really like the way you said, "In the middle of a black and white city that never goes to sleep": that's a beautttttiful line. "The things we wanted they came too fast And now we're stuck dwelling on the past", also great. The only thing that could possibly be changed there is "..wanted they came too fast"- that's kind of run-on.
I love this line: "So take my hand and say something simple"

Sometimes simplicity is more beautiful than anything else.

[Brenden Taylor]

Very interesting. To begin, I love the imagery you give us in the beginning of the poem. The sharp contrast of the "black and white city" is my personal favorite. I'm also a huge fan of the couplet in the middle of the poem; after reading the poem in it's entirety a few times, I can see how the couplet ties it all together. Also, I'm intrigued as to what you mean by capitalizing the precious jewels in the fifth stanza. Maybe nothing at all, but you make the speaker of the poem know more than what she's letting off.

[Crowley]

This reminded me of a song by the Format where he talks about the hopes and dreams of post school young people and the difficulty with getting on. Sad in many different ways and oozing with melancholic emotion and visuals. Loved it.

[Mark]

A really nice write, and appreciated much. I sense wisdom of what was.