Let the Children Dance Rewrite

Originally wrote in November of 2013.

Let the Children Dance Rewrite

The time’s coming to lay to rest

Those years that we spent holding hands

So, let the children dance

While they still have the chance

Forever sings, with Euphony

The Serenade of Serenity

So, let the children dance

While they still have the chance

 

 Although Heartache tells my soul, “The pain will never fade.”

A sapphirine supernova surges through my veins

 

Eventide has arrived at last

But soothe those sorrows of the past

And let the children prance

And play their games and dance

Promise me that you’ll move along

Bury this memory in song

And let the children prance

While they still have the chance

 

Sadness screams inside of me, but still, I have found peace

For no words were left unsaid, I let my soul-fields bleed

 

I’ll always remember every cadent campfire

We relished together in those wintry Summers

I’ll always remember your infectious laughter

That would envelope me in candescent rapture

Forever will I miss those irradiant embers

 

This is not goodbye, just the end of this lullaby

 

I ascend to the galaxies sleeping in the sky

Knowing that we’ll meet again in those seas of starlight

 

So, let the children dance

While they still have the chance

Original Version:

The time has come to lay to rest

The years that we spent holding hands

So let the children dance

While they have the chance

Forever sings serenades in harmony

With Sweet Serenity

So let the children dance

While they have the chance

The pain hits like a supernova coursing through my veins

As I leave this place, I know I'll never be the same

Summer has arrived at last

And with it the last time we'll get

To let the children prance

Play their games and dance

The pendulum keeps swinging on

Beyond the baby steps of Dawn

So let the children prance

While they have the chance

The feelings screaming inside of me are slowly getting out

No words shall go unsaid, I'll make every moment count

Although magicians have cast their spells over our destinies

I won't ever forget a single melody

I will always remember September

We gave up at the galaxies sleeping in the starry sky

Both aware that very soon we'll have to say goodbye

So let the children dance

While they have the chance

Author's Note

I've finally decided to take my Dad's advice and make a poetry book. I've gone through every piece I've ever written, and have chosen the ones I think deserve to be remastered. This will take a while to do, but I'll eventually get there.

Also, I've decided that I'm going to include both the new version and the original version of each poem I write, so that you can compare them if you want. If you do compare them, please feel free to tell me what you think of the improved version compared to the original! This will help me with the writing process very much.

Lastly, the original version of this poem was nothing more than a poem about moving away, but as I was rewriting it, a much better idea popped into my head. That's about it for this long note, so I'll leave ya'll to write what you think! Until next time! :)

Reviews

[barleygirl]

On a writing website like this, I find it very informative to get a glimpse into other writers' processes. That's why it's great to get to compare two versions in this way. At first, I didn't see a huge difference between the two, but there are some singing lines in the second version that far surpass the first, especially this: "This is not goodbye, just the end of this lullaby" . . . all in all, your writing is filled with originality . . . it sounds nothing like anything else I've read on this topic, even tho it's a familiar topic (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

[DoormanDan]

Thanks, I always strive for originality with my verses (which is often both a plus and a minus in my writing XD). I haven't updated this in a while, I just realized, mainly because I've been too busy with other content to work on it. I might just try to work on this again soon. Like you said, comparing the past and present versions of your own work can be very helpful, especially when you've been writing for a long time like I have. Once again, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!! :)

[V.L.Mir]

Nice poem. Both poems are good to read but I like the first one more. I like how you deliver us to your childhood and reminisce all your joys and pains. Will be rooting for you!

[DoormanDan]

Thanks! My childhood's gone now, but still, I'll always enjoy the memories. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

So beautiful. I liked both versions. The words alive and worthwhile. Made the reader feel the need of the writer. I liked the vision of children dancing. Thank you my friend for sharing your work and I hope you create a poetry book.
Coyote

[DoormanDan]

Thanks for the praise, Coyote! I needed a pick me up just now. And thanks for the encouragement to keep working on the book as well. I should be starting to rewrite another one soon (been wanting to do it for a while, but balancing College, fitness, friendships and writing is a massive pain XD), so stay tuned. Hope you have a great day! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.