Even the sun is blue

Even the sun is blue

A Poem by sentimental~ galore

I waited for you,

Meandered the world, the sea, and even the empty breeze.

But you were nowhere to be found, posters of a lost soul all around town.

I walked through the deserted streets, a white ghost in the stormy alley.

Searched my way through the rainforest but lost sight of the moon,

Built a sandcastle on the beach, but the waves knocked it down,

Made a wish in a tunnel, but lost my breath when the lights came on.

I lost my pearl, even when I found the treasure box I was not satisfied,

Coarse sand through my velvet fingers,

Let time slip into a haunting incubus.

It was always me, I was buried in the stories of the faded sky,

I forgot you had a soul, a broken record that can cry.

Now even the sun is blue.

© 2011 sentimental~ galore


Author's Note

sentimental~ galore
Sometimes your just looking for hope, a sense of determination...and even if its there its not always evident. Sometimes you have to search every corner of the earth to find that it was always right withing your soul.

My Review

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Featured Review

The best thing about the poem is the last line. It's nice. Great Job.
But...you have a few basic faults;
1) Lack of flow...try saying the words in your head or aloud e.g.
"But you were nowhere to be found, posters of a lost soul all around town."

That line could definitely be improved.

2) Vocab selection; "It was always me, I was buried in the stories of the faded sky,"

The word buried doesn't go.

"I walked through the deserted streets, a white ghost in the stormy alley."
NOT walked...try wandered...give the aimless or searching impression.

And...well that's enough for one day =P

~SOUL LESS~




Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

A truly fantastic write read it 3 times already and I can't fault it in anyway my favourite of yours so far well done keep them coming

100/100

Posted 13 Years Ago


A interesting title and a deeply fascinating poem full of imagery. Your wording is beautiful and this piece like a lot of your poems and reviews is well thought out and beautiful. I'm not to sure about the use of the 'I's' but other than that this is really well written.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I totally agree with you here. You do have to search in life to find your happiness. Sometimes people spend their entire lives looking for something or someone to make them whole. The thing that makes me whole is completely different than other writers. Your poem is an exact replica of my thoughts of how I felt before I found out the truth about me deep down. I think you wrote this very well, and I don't have any suggestions for improvement.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I really don't know how to describe this other my favorite of yours so far.

Posted 13 Years Ago


i can definatly relate. very deep poem, it really pulls u in

Posted 13 Years Ago


I love this poem. I can see myself within the lines.
We tend to look for something we don't have (who would look for something they already have. lol) and still if we already have it, we still are not contented and continue the search. Things may crap out, hopes and dreams m=could be shattered along the way and all we have to do is to stand still and be strong until we finally found the one we always wanted to have.

Posted 13 Years Ago



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16 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on March 1, 2011
Last Updated on March 1, 2011

Author

sentimental~ galore
sentimental~ galore

on the moon, CA



About
Ranbir. Eighteen and looking for answers with great glory. Wrapped in the seeds of adventures. Vanilla coffee, Rasberry iced tea, and A Fine Frenzy. Bob Dylan Bucket of blues and eyes eager to see.. more..

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