Subliminal Nightmare(The Fight Within)

 

Knock at the door

Wanting to be alone

A thumb in the keyhole

Doesn’t stop the peeping eye.

 

Turn out the lights

Brings on the voices

Begging you to come out

For a game of hide and seek.

 

Crawl under the bed

Hiding with the monster

To use as a bodyguard

Without parental consent.

 

Break for the hallway

Hoping to fool the danger

By laughing in its face

With an eye for an eye attitude.

 

Tragedy cripples

The moonlight

But doesn’t stop

The sun from rising.

 

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

There is such a haunted sense to your words. Those feelings that rise when we're children running from fear.. and can carry on as we're adults too.. as life creeps up on us.. Both a masterful piece visually and one that touches deep inside the mind.

[Joanna Maharis]

I love the innocence of childhood that's displayed throughout this piece. As I was reading this, I was reminded of my own childhood and the activities my brothers and I engaged in. When I was a year old, I hid behind the bathroom door. My mother looked all over for me. She got scared and worried, because she couldn't find me. When she finally looked behind the bathroom door, I was all smiles, while waving to her and saying, "Hi, mommy." She didn't know whether to laugh, or to cry. She said to me with a smile on her face, "Kiki, what are you doing here hiding behind this door. I looked all over for you and got scared because I couldn't find you." After that she put little bells on my shoes so she could keep a more careful watch over me.

[The Analog Kid]

This can be taken different ways and that is good writing, my friend. I thought it is cool how the narrator actually battles the "subliminal" danger. Even the moonlight can't help, but the sun will eventually rise!

[Ruth]

Wow! I like this a lot hon! The fear of childhood monsters and more! lol
"Crawl under the bed

Hiding with the monster

To use as a bodyguard

Without parental consent.~".............LOVE these lines :)

The last stanza is awesome!
xx

[Poetic Beauty]

Fear is the one thing we can't hide from nor can we out run it. I have suffered from anxiety since I was 18 and I have learned to control it. this poem reminds me of those times when it flares up but I don't let it stop me anymore. Anxiety attack or not I get out and do what I want. It is horrible in those moments and this is what this poem reminds me of. those fears that we have buried so far inside our self that we aren't sure what we a scared of any more. I love how brilliantly you have written this and conveyed your messages so creatively

[Voice]

Wow!! Great I love it!! Kelli is right there is a lot of depth in this poem and it has such a great effect. I really enjoy this piece!! Deep Write!!

Voice

[Randy`s Princess]

I like the style you got direct and to the poing nice read well done very enjoyable

[emily joe]

i really like this. i love using the moon and the sun in poetry, and it's interesting to see how other people use them as well. sometimes in different ways. it's neat. i love this. thanks for sharing!

[Georgia Gypsy]

No hiding from those certain fears that cripple and maime, and yes that last verse is very eerie and haunting....half hopeful, half ominous.
Wonderful and written with such depth to keep me pondering the different levels of meaning for awhile.
love this!

[Ed Hart]

yes, we all know that space in one way or another...you are very creative to gather up these memories and make a picture out of them

[Jenny Nelson]

Awesome. Definitely can feel and identify with the conflict. Very strong with an eerie feel to it. Love that last stanza; it could be hopeful or taunting. Great piece!