If Ricochet Was Gay

Would my life be any easier
if I had turned out gay
Testosterone shoots out my pours
I think they play that way
I'd stop dressing like a four year old
and I would have to shave
Would the world come to an end
If Ricochet was gay

I'd be my girlfriend's best buddy
but she'd be out of luck
I'd never touch her special place
and she would think that sucked
She'd miss the way I play with her
I come on like a truck
I'd bake a plate of bran muffins
and she would be dumbstruck

I could set new fashion trends and
get on Project Runway
Be kissing Heidi's skanky a*s
It's her show all the way
I'd stop eyeballing emo chicks
I view them as my prey
Would it be a security risk
If Ricochet was gay

I'm a regular macho dude
so I would be a bear
But I'm into bodybuilding
I shave my body hair
What does a bear do anyway
S**t in the woods and stare
I think the gay ones hang around
in leather underwear

So what the hell would life be like
if I had turned out gay
I guess I'm never gonna know
cause I don't swing that way
To all the gay dudes in the world
You guys are all okay
The world is a much brighter place
Because we have the gays

Author's Note

Seriously. Think about how much fashion would suck if not for the gays. I'm terminally straight and if I tried to cut cloth with a pair of scissors I'd probably stab myself in the eye.

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

Aha! What a laugh! If only they'd finally make leggings more acceptable for men, hehe. Well done!

[Baby Ricochet]

That would be cool. Thanks Tai

[Rita L. Sev]

Now all I want to do is ask my gay friends about their leather underwear... LOL! A vivid alternate universe you have painted here, Mark - though I think you are just as you should be! Funny, and thought provoking.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Rita

[Cassie]

haahahaa..I see you paid a tribute to all gays in the world

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Cassie

[icelandicblue]

Queer eye for the straight guy helped to introduce America to gay taste and it has been uphill ever since. We're all glad you are who you are...and extremely funny.

[Baby Ricochet]

I think I remember that show. I watch project runway religiously. My girlfriend turned me on to it . She's always ragging on my taste level because if it's tight and shows a lot of skin on the runway I always seem to like it.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I can just see you on Project Runway! What would you come up with? Haha !!!! We will use marshmallows for our inspiration ~ Whatcha got?
Very funny ! And much love to the gays

[Baby Ricochet]

I could do an unconventional challenge and make a fashion forward look out of ammo belts

[Chloe..Across the Universe]

Oh, dahling I'll take two! lol Ammo belts! love your humor ~

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you....

[OTownPete]

I really don't know how to respond othe rthan saying the gays will appreciate the tip of your cap.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank You Pete

[saratogaparty]

hahaha

I'd have to say, this thought never ran through my mind.

[Baby Ricochet]

LOL! Thank you Saratoga

[DIVYA]

Very funny and imaginative! I especially appreciate the conclusion of the poem. Great read Baby!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Divya

[Pryde Foltz]

Funny and lovely. I laughed and then went ahhh.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Pryde