I am a long forgotten soul

A poem written by me, for CHAUCERIAN RONDEL ~ Blue Rose Cafe Challenge!. Please read the note by me,after reading this.

 

I am a very long forgotten soul,

I have nothing of which I can take pride,        

I am dwindling with my every stride.

 

I am having no path to stroll,

Every time I try to try, I am thrown aside,            

I am a long forgotten soul.

In my life there is nothing like a goal, 

There is not even He with me as my Guide.          

There is no one to whom I can abide.

I am a long forgotten soul.   

Author's Note

It is a Chaucerian Rondel. Written for the following contest:-

http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/CHAUCERIAN-RONDEL-~-Blue-Rose-Cafe-Challenge%21/51208/

Thanks to Helena Mam, who helped improve it.

As, always, be critical while reviewing.

I thank, Tate, for teaching me effective use of meter, which I have employed here.

(Image source:- Google)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42305475@N03/10005876675

Reviews

[Confuser]

Devanshu: I liked your poem very much and would like to say Congratulations on a job well done. It is so very somber and deep, but the tone is straightforward, as if to say I am what I am. It's interesting, and the character of the long forgotten soul seems somewhat nonemotional as if to say; no one cares; I am lost, why should I care; there is no hope at all, no matter how hard I try. Thank you so very much. Great work. Dale

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you like it.

Devanshu

[Confuser]

You're very welcome. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you! Dale

[Leslie Philibert]

Well written, you did well here..

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Beautifully penned


And the photo goes very well

with this lovely piece.


God bless. Benita

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks. Benita, your kind words.

Devashu

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

You're welcome. :)

[DoormanDan]

This poem is very well written. Your writing ability successfully generating a nice, dark atmosphere, and the poem itself flows really well. Fantastic job! :)

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am humbled by your kind words.

Devanshu

[Dayran]

Makes clear that only you ... and you alone ... can make the difference. Nice ...

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it.

Devanshu

[Pushkar Prabhat]

a deserving entry, i think.
beautifully written.....
i loved it!!!!
:)

[Zahra]

This is the first time I've heard of a CHAUCERIAN RONDEL. Sounds cool. And this poem is really good, smooth and simple.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for the review. i too, have heard of this style. I have just crafted this poem in accordance of the rules laid in the Helena's contest.

Thanks for stopping by. I am glad you liked it.

Devanshu

[Devanshu Rajput]

Errata:-

In the first line I meant, I too have heard of this for the first time.
read moreErrata:-

In the first line I meant, I too have heard of this for the first time.

Devanshu

[Helena]

Dear Devanshu,

Welcome to the Challenge! I can see that you are a very keen writer!

This Chaucerian Rondel is SPOT ON! Just a couple of small alterations, then you have achieved your aim!

Stroll instead of troll ~ 4th line

In my life I have no goal ~ 7th line

Well done poet! Good luck in the challenge!!

Kind regards,

Helena

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks, for pointing out the errors. I am glad to receive this much help from you.

Also, thanks for reading, reviewing and stopping by.
Devanshu

[Helena]

You are most welcome!

Helena

[KWP]

who is this 'he' fellow anyway?

hmmmm this poem sounds to me like someone who beleives they are owed something for living, i on the other hand believe that we exist at all is the most miraculous thing and nothing to be thrown away in self pity

I know - maybe sounds harsh but for me knowing my only purpose in life is to love, exist and create is more than enough to share XX

[Devanshu Rajput]

There, in he "H" is capitalized. So, it simply implies God.

You are right, one should be optimistic in life, like you. But, there are many people who are victims of depression for numerous reasons. I have written this for those pessimistic fellows.

Thanks for reading and stopping by.

Devanshu

[KWP]

Yes you are fifth I should always remember there are two sides to a coin just like duality everything must balance :-) Xx

[Elisa]

This reminds me of all the moments when I felt like I was just wandering aimlessly through life, until I finally found my inspiration and purpose. Very powerful theme that you have here, with some great lines to convey it.

If I may, I would like to suggest one teeny tiny thing. Try not to sacrifice the grammar for the sake of the rhyme scheme or the meter. All three should work together harmoniously to convey your ideas.

Thank you for reminding me to be grateful, simply for the fact that I know my purpose in life.

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am grateful of kind words of yours....but, I would highly br obliged if you can point out the grammer mistakes in it.

I want to make my writing a good one. You said write all those three factors a re very crucial.

Devanshu