Untitled--for now

The Camphert building had been erected in '76 and no partner had been formally adopted until about six years after Lincoln Michael Scott had been Charles Camphert's personal assistant at the ripe old age of 26. Fresh out of law school and ready to take on the world. It had taken Scott eight years to finally receive his degree and one try at the bar. He was, as Camphert said, a law prodigy.

 

Ten years had passed, four since he had been named partner, but the big letters on the front of the building had just been placed declaring Scott a full partner. Camphert and Scott, it had a ring to it. Camphert and Scott was far from being the most prestigious firm in Manhattan but they sure as hell knew what they were doing and they were damn good at it, too.

 

Thirty-two years the Camphert building stood, erected by some big shot architect who specialized in Greco-Roman structure, and in those thirty-two years Charles Branson Camphert had never been late. Not until that day. At nine o'clock it was Lincoln who noted his senior partner's absence and by one o'clock was frantic.

 

At precisely, 5:35 pm, it was Lincoln who discovered the naked, cold body of Charles Camphert. On his chest, painted in what appeared to be blood, was a large Celtic-style cross, four legs that were exactly equal, and the walls, too, bore an array of symbols and a strange language--all painted in blood. . .his blood.

 

Lincoln forced back a gag as his hands trembled fitfully. He tried to regain his composure as he fumbled for his cell phone trying his hardest to pry his eyes away from Camphert's dead body. The smell was unbearable. Having grown up in the heart of Harlem, Lincoln had smelled some pretty raunchy stuff, but nothing compared to this.

 

He quickly punched in the numbers: 9-1-1, and after three or four rings a lady answered with a bored voice.

". . .Please state your emergency," she said in that voice that hinted at this being the millionth time that day she'd said the same words.

"Th. . .my partner. . .he's dead."

"Dead? Sir, please tell me your name. Calm down."

Still her voice betrayed no emotion; this wasn't as if this could be her only murder of the day--this was Manhattan.

 

Lincoln couldn't talk, he knew it wouldn't be words that came out if he opened his mouth. He kept staring at Camphert. When people talk of dead people they always say "they look so peaceful" that wasn't true, not here, at least. Camphert's face was twisted in struggle, his body was bruised and broken, and the marks, the cross.

"Sir, an address--can we have an address?"

Lincoln gave it to the woman closing his eyes in order to avoid looking at Camphert.

"Just step outside, stay where you are and don't touch anything."

Lincoln nodded, unable to talk, even though the woman couldn't hear him. Choking back another upset of bile, he stepped into the night's cool air inhaling deeply.

"Someone will be there soon," the lady on the other end was saying.

Author's Note

This is my first try at murder mystery so bare with me on this, if you have any suggestions on how to make it better feel free to share, thank you

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This was an excellent prologue. I loved how you used his gift of intelligence to give him character and also set up the success that fell right into place in his career. I think it added depth to Scott to show us that he has work ethic and a concept of the big picture by showing us how he earned his position.

My favorite thing is how you force the reader into conceiving all of this story with one side of the brain...and then shifting to the other side. That transition was excellent. The Celtic Cross was uber dynamic. Your tekniks in this story range from in-your-face...to subtle. This range of skills creates the most impressive writing because of how easy you make it seem.

[Vanessa]

I really likedthe sequencing thingyou did in the begining.
I think the suspense could have been higher. But otherthan that, this was wicked. When I got o the end, I said in my mind, "Damn. If only there were more." Great job.... for a firsttry this was a rather well job done.

[Steffi]

It was a good first try i must say.
Your imagery and descriptions were very well placed.
Though maybe work on the suspense aspect of it. If your going for a murder mystery you need that tension and suspense to really fuel the work.