slipping past midnight

slipping past midnight

 

 

i spilled my dreams 

all over your blue dress,

and you became Cinderella

wondering why your prince

was so clumsy,

and full of shortcomings

and why the clock ticked toward midnight

 

and you couldn't wait for the carriage to turn back into a pumpkin

and the horses heads to lean toward eternity

because you felt being with me was an eternity

on earth,

 

and then you picked up your broom

to sweep me away,

 

not realizing you had swept me 

totally off of my feet

 

and that you had left my glass heart

in the carriage,

 

so that i could never retrieve it

in this fairy tale life

 

that has no ending.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/11/16

Reviews

[SJ Mullins]

I find this a bit bittersweet, that one is swept off his feet, and lost his heart to one who doesn't return his feelings. Sad, but part of life...beautifully written.

Suzanna

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Suzanna, i appreciate your visits and your kind comments on my work.

j.

[SJ Mullins]

You are most welcome. :) You write beautifully.

[Diamond]

fairy tales are not "ohh so fairy tales". absolutely. there is turbulence, emotional violence, confusion between ethics and calculations. am finding it very close to reality. I love this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really appreciate your kind words, Queen.

j.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

I love fairy tales because of their happy endings. But this one has no ending...and the present happening is sad. 😰
I love to sleep and dream, especially when I dream of happy things about me. It makes me feel like the dream is real. Sometimes, when I wake up with a sweet dream and I want more about it, I go back to bed and pray that the dream will continue (the story in my dream).

Thanks for sharing this, sir j

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and thank you for sharing such positive thoughts...refreshing...

you are a breath of fresh air, Dhaye...

j.

[Cassie]

wow...This is so beautiful, I couldn't help but smile.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Cassie.

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

The love who never knew how deep you were in. "I never meant to hurt you," what a laugh. By the time it gets to that point, you are already shattered.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, KL...

insights galore...yes, often it is...already shattered.

j.

[V]

A fairytale gone bad (?). Lovely story like traits, easy to follow and understand studded with love, glittering at first yet with an unpredictable ending. Why do your last three stanzas make me feel kind of sad?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sorry the last three stanzas did that to you, Vanessa...

appreciate your words,
read moresorry the last three stanzas did that to you, Vanessa...

appreciate your words,

j.

[V]

I meant that in a nice way, poems that stir feelings are good ones, doesn't matter what kind of feelings. You're welcome.

[redzone]

ouch a fairy tale with a carriage carrying a glass heart that may shatter into the reality of a poem... and a poem where the mice run free... oh boy Jacob... and they said the Grimm Bros had twisted minds... well they are no match for the metaphoric you that's for sure...

don't know if you remember this TV cartoon show "Rocky and Bulwinkle" and one of its features was called "Fractured Fairy Tales", so let me ask, were you one of the writer for this show??? I think they may have used this poem, oh yes... ;0)

so if you must ask, yes, I loved your poem, to hell with those Grimm's....

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wasn't but wish i were...i love the rapunzel one...he says let down your hair...and the big clump of red falls right on him and smashes him...those were so funny...and Peabody and Sherman...loved that show...

thank you for your kind review. Curt.

j.

[Marianne Rose]

I love the fairy tale metaphor mixed with the fragile heart captured by this encounter. In fairy tales, there is always a happy ending- sometimes we are entranced by the romantic images of our relationships, expecting the same happy ending- willing to meet the challenges because of the promise that all will be well in the end. But this tale has no ending- perhaps worse than if it were an unhappy ending, because there is no closure, only the feeling of being swept off your feet and then a piece of you stolen away. The carriage disappears at midnight, your heart disappearing with it. Touching and sweet for such a tragic outcome.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Marianne...

j.

[Nisreen]

For some reason this made me laugh
I bet she will take care of her prince in the end
I love the blue dress and how she transforms into a Cinderella
That's pretty sweet

I am going to read more of your work :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Curiosity...

j.

[Shabeeh Haider]

We don't always share the same dreams. The other person walks away and we are left wondering where it all went wrong

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Shabeeh...appreciate your words...

j.