Writing you in

 

Writing you in

 

 

 

i suppose i could prose you

into loving me

if i wrote enough paragraphs

and kept them sharp and witty

with a touch of circuitous sentiment

 

subliminally added to engage your heart

to semantic heights

 

but the poetic side of me

would rather use brevity

and levity

implying 

more than

applying

the pressure of constipated writing

 

a succinctly straightforward few words

even clumsily constructed

might tease your emotions enough

 

to get you to try to interpret me

interrupt me

understand me attempting to understand you

 

love doesn't need a Thesaurus

or citations

footnotes

or end notes

 

just for one

to see another

and let the meaning

be absorbed by two hearts

iambic-ally beating as one. 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/25/19

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

I was expecting a twist lol while you were writing her in she was rubbing you out lol but thats just me going off on a tangent! Great piece of clever concise writing from the Major.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, andrew...sorry for no twist...
j.

[olla]

I stopped short at "constipated writing" I am never disappointed when I come to visit.. I had to go to the dictionary to find out what iambic really is.. I did study literature but not so much classical poetry.. it's always delicious to be seduced into learning something new..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, olla,
j.

[olla]

thank you Jacob.. it was a delightful visit..

[danielle.]

Jacob I was definitely prosed into loving this poem, it's really clever and really sweet! love love love!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, elle...
j.

[redzone]

love that last line Jacob… making an iambic ally... I wonder, does she meet all the 'pentameter' requirements??? er… I am sooooo sorry Jacob that was a terrible pun... but I couldn't resist the Temptation's singing one of their love songs... "my girl'??… er….

okay, okay, I will stop my Saturday morning silliness (not enough coffee as yet is my excuse)… but I will say this, a poem has to be exceptional for me to get all pun-ish and I really enjoyed this poem Jacob.. of course since you are an educator and a bit 'old school', you will understand and banish me to stand in the corner with that silly hat on... oh and let me also say, I think a little 'prosing' her is quite fine... maybe some ee- "I carry your heart".... go Jacob, go Jacob... er… ;0)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i love puns..."I've even got the month of May with My Girl"
actually i just asked you to come to the front of the class and give us a few smiles with your wit, before we get down to the lessons...:))))

j.

[Chris Shaw]

This is so lovely. It has everything. Your lines are beseeching to this reader and also question how you can change a situation into something more than it is. I see this in many ways but mainly as a poet speaking to his would be readers and wanting them perhaps to engage more with his writing, reading more between the lines of his brevity. Wanting to be understood and loved for his work. On the other hand, It could also relate to a specific individual. There is both humour and pathos here. It is touching. Where love is concerned you don't need words. You need chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. Lovely, lovely, lovely work Jacob.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh i really enjoy where you took this, Chris...thanks for taking me on that journey with you.
j.

[Cassie]

Jacob!!!!!!! you are soo good, I have never know how you nail it

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are a very kind person, Cassie...thank you.
j.