Call within the Next Five Minutes

Call within the Next Five Minutes

 

why do you walk out of the room

when my commercial comes on the tube

 

i am that bargain love you can get for only $9.95

by calling now,

 

i will answer 24 hours a day...

Lonely minutes at your service

not sold in stores.

 

and if you call right now, i'll send you two of me

for the same price,

which is just a bit more of your gullibility

 

and if you called five minutes ago

i'm standing on your welcome mat

free of charge

 

just a bit of shipping and handling due on arrival

my heart can be yours

for the low, low price

of nothing

 

but despair

and a few dispersed funds

into vanity's account

 

on account of i don't know

how to sell myself true anymore

 

i lost that ability

back when infomercial's

were yet unborn children

 

and prospective lovers actually met

in person

before they bought each other's

line of false advertising.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha ..i love that closing sir! so jaded, sarcastic and true! well done .. you remain the Master of Metaphor in my mind... strong and clear and so relatable... at our age .. we devalue in leaps and bounds it seems.. but hey .. keep popping a smile Jack! we'll lay down for good sooner than later ;) when infomercials came out i called in (this was in the 90s I think) i called in for what a great deal, i thought for oldies but goodies. I was terrified as i kept being put into one deal after another and without doing anything .. they were thanking me for that business. i kept saying No NO NOOOOOOOOO! but they kept saying yes YES YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! funky love indeed my friend!
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful and kind review, E.
j.

[John the Baptist]

Lover as a pitchman. Imaginative effort here. Is it satisfaction guaranteed? Is there a refund if you end up getting dumped?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no refunds, they are already getting me at bargain price.
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

I like your spoof on the dating process; it's funny, clever and almost sad. Many moons ago we put ads in the New Yorker Magazine, back page... and if you were lucky things would click, as what happened with a friend of mine.. now it's a crazy dating frenzy over the internet. selling yourself ain't fun!!! Very well done, but not surprised!
Best, B.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review...I know this poem would never get into the New Yorker...my stuff isn't hoity toity enough to break into those pages.
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

This was the the way you advertised yourself in those old days!
Best
B

[Paul Bell]

I don't understand why the guy pretending to be my bank just doesn't own up and say outright he wants my bank details. I quite like the idea of pressing a button for a date, mind you. The virtual world is taking us places we've definitely never been too. Now, virtual divorces, would they be cheaper than the conventional ones?.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I would think they would be cheaper, Paul...
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

And while you're at it, you might as well send for Dr. Ho's miracle pads to stimulate your muscles and watch for the cardboard box with the smiley face ... unless someone who decides they need more of your late night advertising beats you to the delivery.

Well done j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

my muscles are too old to be stimulated....but I hope Dr. Ho makes out well.
j.

[emmajoy]

' i don't know - how to sell myself true anymore - i lost that ability - back when infomercial's - were yet unborn children - and prospective lovers actually met - in person - before they bought each other's - line of false advertising. '

You have both an incredible mind for writing inside out and roundabout themes, and - the imagination in the first place! Seems you work on various levels.. first the egg, then the mixing - to a dish of twill be truths from mere commercialism to emotional doubts and failed dues. For me this is an interesting theme but a tragedy - how emotions are given, sold, grabbed or accepted in these impersonal times.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your wonderfully insightful review, em.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Moneygram on its way. Will be worth every penny including the add on commission:))

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Ha ha...thank you, Chris...
j.

[KWP]

I will take that deal Jacob. Cash or Card?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Oh, we just take checks, KWP! :))))
thank you...
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

It is easier to write love letters in the Sand...
hoping to have a reply with the next Tide.
Many Songs have been composed... however,
poetry is softer and more romantic. May you always be
on an even keel... progressing smoothly. tenderly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Pat,
j.

[Corset]

and the fine print will sign you up on a monthly service to charge you automatically only slightly more than that introductory price of 9.95 to include all this at 149.99! So worth every penny to see that shiny face :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

always a catch, isn't there? thank you, Corset.
j.