Tread Lightly

Tread lightly

on this heart of mine.

The path I've walked

has been exceedingly difficult.

I feign a state of order,

but I feel rather delicate within

and tears are so close to appearing,

when I least expect them.

12/29/06

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

"I feign a state of order"
Clumsy.... order is not the right word, or feign isn't... figure it out. It's totally specatular what you are doing there but it's not fully fleshed out. Maybe add something, I'm not sure. "I feign a state of order" may just be too good a line for this poem.

'within' 'them' it's a cute device.

It's a really good poem. You know this. 20068? It's been the same since '10?

It's not that good you can't make it better however. Your baseline skill exceeds most. B- cause it's old and should be better by now.

[Barbara Walker]

Thanks, HansJizzy. I'm very fond of the word "feign." Actually the entire line, but I see what you are saying.
...state of strength? Or drop "order." "I feign strength, but feel rather delicate within", maybe.
Though, this writer loves to write, life takes up much time, leaving little to tweak a line. Honestly, I could get re a book, but no one would believe it! Hell, I've lived it and I dont believe it.

[Davidgeo]

No.... just put something in... let it breath first. Then ask if you failed. If you even care anyway.

(I feign an ordered state)

[Craig2591]

Very well put. I'm guessing something bad or even tragic occurred on the date mentioned. This expresses your vulnerability well.

[Ahmad Cox]

Very well written. Short but with a lot of power and emotion.

[Mauricio Montoya]

like how it comes together. Nice work.

[Coyote Poetry]

Good to tread softly and be kind. Never know the pain and life of another. I like the purpose of this poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Steven Cash]

Hmm interesting Barbara, as always

[Cerise]

Very well written its like it came pouring out of heart...well done in expressing your emotions with such few words..:)

[Dr. Wood ?]

I bet we can all associate with this..Very good writing...in such a short space

[afra]

short but lovely ....well done

[The Elder Pine]

A good note to the world, this idea could be the mantra of many.