I Just Want to Go Home

I've seen to the end... and in the end, all I want is the beginning.

I have fifteen fingers
And twenty two toes.
I walk on a sideways
And paint my nails red
To kill and to dare,
For I am the monster of
All that I haven't done.

 

But I've seen to the end.

 

I have an anonymous lover
And an unknown mistress
They fight and I watch.
The fists fly
Set free and set fire.
They come out like bruised fruit.
Damaged goods.

 

But I've seen to the end of the end.

 

I have 17 children
And a broken womb.
So I dance with strangers.
They don't have names
And they don't have faces.
They breathe on my neck
And I leave my number
On the bathroom wall.

 

But I've seen to the end of the end of the end.

 

I have a house
With an upstairs and a downstairs.
It looks big from the outside.
It looks warm and quiet
From the outside.
My car stalls in the driveway.
I just want to go home.

Author's Note

This is my emotional outpouring... no revisions... I just had to get it down.

Reviews

[foolsrush]

In the oddest why I can really identify with this one. The feeling I get from it anyway is that you often feel out of place or misplaced as though somewhere out there is a home for you but you've never seen it or you barely have a memory of it. All of these things are going on, good and bad, just basically a cluster of mixed situations all surrounding you all of the time and there you are, standing there, or sitting there, and you just want to be home, having never been to such a place before...

[J. Alexis Balaguer]

Has a hint of postmodernism in its descriptions of its environment, as well as the existentialist outpouring of the persona. Truly wonderful images wandered my mind as I read this poem. Clever. You have such strong emotions in this poem. Try controlling them and great things might happen.

Twas a good read.

Punishment

[Pratibha]

very different...cannot say that i could relate to it...!! BUT I LOVED IT...venting it out creatively....raw emotions ! AND PASSIONATE AND YES INTENSE TOO...

[poetforlife]

This was very raw and real. Things we see, things percieved and the actual reality of our lives. Great write. Thanks for sharing it.

[sophie]

I like it. 1st stanza: Line 3: 'I walk sideways' perhaps? Line 6: get rid of 'For' ?
3rd stanza: Line 3: get rid of 'So'? Line 7: same for 'And'?
4th stanza: i reckon 'it looks quiet and warm from the inside' would be much more suggestive.

Sorry, i'm an editor by trade... it's habit!
But i like it!

[Vague]

I really like this poem. The fact that the repeating line keeps growing each time sort of gives a feeling of how as one goes through life the list of things they'd never have believed they'd do, (or wouldn't do) and the things they absolutely have to do just keeps growing and growing. The need to just start over feels more imperative as the poem goes on. And gosh, the narrator is so exhausted; that's life in it's rawest form.

That's my interpretation, anyhow. Very nice job.

[caterpillargirl]

Another good one- raw with stong emotion. I like it how it is without revisions... has a "real" sound to it and a connected feeling- there's a certain vulnerability and honesty when a an Author writes from the heart and doesn't over-edit. Oh- love the beginning... Very nice first few lines!

[Dalaina Renee]

It's an interesting poem!

[Legion]

I'm glad you got it down. I really love that repetitious line. Brings the whole piece together.