The Drowning Pool

drowning in emotions of deceit & despair

  you waded in taking chance we'd go under

       held my head til tiny bubbles appeared

i swallowed heart not to feel the pain

   rushing  inhales made it hard to see

    through the dizzying whirlpool of  twisted lies

          your guilt burnt my fused eyelids

i dove in the deep end of abstract remission

   only to drown in your bawdy transgressions

         truth surfaced to find a lifeless repose

            repast held without honor of mourning

there was no burial, no flowers, not a tear shed

        just an empty casket that encased your heart

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Our relationships are strange. Karina pointed out to me recently that because of my low opinion of myself I have allowed myself to get into relationships that were not healthy just because I was grateful someone cared. Maybe this is too common? As always a crafted free verse piece.

[Frieda P]

You, a low opinion of yourself? I find that hard to believe John.....thanks!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Strange how we come over to others and how we use mental defence mechanisms to swim through the swamp!

[Leslie Philibert]

What impresses me is the way you sustain the extended metaphor here without straining it; well constructed !

[Tai Ryens]

Metaphoricizing your toxic lover for a pool was a clever concept, especially how you attempt to portray the pool as a relationship at first, only to reveal that the pool was the lover itself. 'Tis unfortunate that many are still willing to wade in said pool, even when the water transfuses into lava and the floor grows spikes. Well done, indeed, friend.

[Shaun Payton]

Well now I need a happy pill hehe Itll get better Frieda, if theres one thing I know, you're a tough, and very kind, so smile a lil...a lil smile....a tiny smile...:)

[B-poet]

A well conveyed and unbridled sorrow is what I gathered from this fine write. Great work as always. Keep up the great work. :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Drowning is such a scary and painful experience - like sorrow, it overwhelms... A heart-wrenching and raw write, Frieda, your heart on the page...

[Frieda P]

Thanks Rita, hope it wasn't too messy, I need to hang out on your page more often, it's a happy place.....

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Frieda!!!! Stop moving me tonight, I've delved into the depts of my emotions, thats a dangerous thing!

[Frieda P]

Sorry love, it's been a rough few days....

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I'm sorry to here that my darling, hugs and prayers been sent your way. x

[Mark]

black pools seem to find you. Maybe it's your soul. I am hoping for you they lose the scent and leave only sun and warmth for you some day. This write seemed rushed, fast... furious? like it was beating at you impatiently to make it to the screen as you typed. As always, a pleasure to read your work.

[Frieda P]

Haaa you saying I have a blackened soul my friend? ;-) It's much better to drown quickly then to linger...just saying. Thanks Mark!

[Mark]

no, just one that attracts them. Maybe cuz it's so full of light? Whatta I know?

[Frieda P]

You're not recovering from that one so easily. :-P

[Mark]

I can't change your perspective if you are hell bent on seeing me in a bad light. I can only show you the truth as I see it and hope.

[Dana Alsamsam]

wow! the sadness and resignation in this piece are absolutely palpable! being sucked into the endless pain of a poor relationship yet continuing to endure the pain and not knowing why we even bother...and those last two lines really pulled at my heart strings. wonderful work!

[Frieda P]

Wow, thanks for this glowing review Dana, much appreciated.

[Frieda P]

Love the new pic by the way....

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you! my friend is an editorial photographer and did a shoot of me in the forest; it was super cool!

[Frieda P]

You look gorgeous, nice to have a friend like that!

[Troy Henson]

ah the hurt, pain and sorrow found from betrayal but the willingness to go back only to have this happen again demonstrates that we are only human. Mistakes are a learning curve and defining moments in life.
Well done.

Troy

[Frieda P]

Hate those dang learning curves, thanks Troy....

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Great write... betrayal and how those who commit such crimes are remembered, well done!

[Frieda P]

Grazie mille hero!