Battle Across the Pond ~ Dr Wood vs. Just Jack

Two grand poets on the WC take on the challenge ~ Battle across the Pond...Dr. Wood vs. just Jack...cast your votes now!!! The theme was 'Take a Walk on The Wild Side'

The Frieda challenge ~ Battle across the Pond~

...Just Jack vs. Dr Wood,  they have boldly taken on the mission to take a walk on the wild side!   These guys aren't afraid of a little friendly competition!

#1

THE WILD SIDE OF LIFE

 

Oh a young girl called Jane

was so boringly plain

that she knew she’d not be someone’s wife.

So she got out of bed

and to her mirror said;

“what you need is the Wild Side Of Life.”

So she packed her suitcase

and she dolled up her face;

but she could not disguise her plain looks.

Well the taxi came round

and she WAS airport bound

for a flight she’d so hurriedly booked.

And the Pilot, oh dear;

what a hunk, and SO near.

And he smiled as he passed by her seat.

Then he came back to speak

and her knees they went weak

and her heart seemed to skip several beats.

And the Pilot said, “Jane;

you’re incredibly plain;

guys like me won’t give YOU but a glance.

But the Steward’s ok

even though he is gay.

Chat him up girl you may have a chance.”

Well the plain looking Jane,

she just sat on that plane;

but the trip did not go as she’d planned.

For the plane was attacked;

by three Arabs in fact;

and in Africa came in to land.

But young Jane she escaped

with the help of an Ape;

and they ran for what seemed like a day.

Then she heard a strong voice;

and she stopped; she’d no choice.

As an Ape man was stood in her way.

And the Ape man said “My;

you’re incredibly shy.

But with YOUR looks I’m hardly surprised.

And he said, “I’m Tarzan.”

What a hunk; what a MAN’

and the girl tried to flutter her eyes.

Tarzan said “I’m a guy

who would catch a girl’s eye;

I am handsome and muscular too.

In this jungle I’ve found

there are no girls around.

So my dear you will just have to do.

And I know you’ll agree;

there are none out do ME.

I can climb I can hunt, I can shoot.

So please marry me Jane;

oh I know you’re quite plain.

But compared to the Apes you’re quite cute.”

So young Jane got her man

and her WILD life began;

it was SO wild she struggled to cope.

So if YOU are like Jane, and incredibly plain.

Just get out there and don’t give up hope!!!!

#2

Wild Thing

“Take a walk on the wide side”, she said with a smirk

Come on and be cool now, don’t be a jerk

I looked at her funny, so funny indeed

Not even sure if she’s talking to me

 

Red hair and nails, her lips just a glowing

Mini skirt, high heels, her lady thing showing

I kept to myself, didn’t pay her no mind

She shouted, “Hey buddy, you’ll like what you find”

 

I was feeling quite nervous, sweat on my brow

I know it is me she is talking to now

I strode a bit faster, my eyes straight ahead

She said “Come back mister”, yes that’s what she said

 

Fishnet her stockings, cleavage revealed

I reached for my wallet, make sure it’s concealed

Now I was running, the sidewalk a blur

But there was no way I was outrunning her

 

Clippity clop, her Pradas were banging

Earrings this long, I could hear the things clanging

The closer she got, the faster I ran

She screamed, “Please stay honey, for I need a man”

 

It’s then that she caught me, so out of breath

The smell of her perfume scared me to death

I said, “I’ve no money, not even a buck”

She answered, “No problem, that I was in luck”

 

Her teeth they were crooked, yes that I was seein’

She had no accent but looked European

It’s then that I noticed, then that I saw

She was no woman, no woman at all

 

Five o’clock shadow, of that I was sure

Something familiar, I’d seen her before

Those eyes and that nose, I said with a lurch

Aren’t you the preacher, that Methodist Church?

 

Now his look was funny, so funny indeed

He shouted “Amen” while running from me

I didn’t give chase, no there was no sense

He ran cross the street, jumped over the fence

 

I stood there and laughed for what I now saw

His right high heel broke, on his arse he did fall

His mini skirt flying, his wanker now free

It looked like a peanut, so small it could be

 

I stared as he disappeared clean out of sight

Red hair and fishnets, gone with the night

I laughed once again and now must confide

You’ll never catch me walking his wild side 

Author's Note

ALL IN GOOD FUN ~ CAST YOUR VOTES NOW FOLKS!!!

Reviews

[shallimarRose]

LMAO........ lolol

Well I am assuming this is a different Jack (just Jack?) Because neither of these were written by the jack I know and love I dont think...
While they were both pretty cute I have to go with #2 .. it was hysterical and the ending was priceless... shallimar

[Frieda P]

One of them was written by our Jack, not saying which, thanks shallimar!

[shallimarRose]

Wow neither are his style at all that I can see.. I know someone called "just Jack" lol thats why I said that.. xo

[Dr. Wood ?]

I vote for the good looking one.......YOU work it out

[Frieda P]

LOL!!! ..................................................................................

[shallimarRose]

lmao................................ have not seen Dr wood yet.. hmmmmm lol

[Frieda P]

He's cookin up sausages, the way to a woman's heart. hahahaha

[Dr. Wood ?]

I hear he's a handsome chap....Despite the burns from all that flying fat

[Jack...]

He looks great in Pradas

[Dr. Wood ?]

whatever THEY are..Us Backwoods Brits know NOTHING

[Frieda P]

Stop being a Groucho goose.....

[Dr. Wood ?]

Whoops...gotta get back to those BANGERS

[Jack...]

Don't forget the mash

[Frieda P]

You & your potatoes, I prefer the Bangers....

[Dr. Wood ?]

it were handsome................just like someone I know

[Jack...]

I prefer a nice hot soft tortilla to put my banger in, but that's an entirely different menu.

[shallimarRose]

lol I better stay outta here before i get into trouble.. I want to know who wrote what though so I keep coming back... lol

[Frieda P]

If we told you, we'd have to kill ya shallimar, sorry hahaha I think most people got it right....

[ANTO]

I liked them both but I have sweet tooth that onyl DrW can fill so I vote for the tale of plain Jane and the uncharacteristically (unless it was when Johnny Weismuller played him) - vinely vein Tarzan!

[LadySoDivine]

Hahahahaha that was quite entertaining! :D
I'm pretty sure I can tell who wrote which, but I'll keep that to myself. I can honestly say both were funny and charming. I'm calling this one a tie!

[Troy Henson]

Nic one guys. Very well done.
Regards
Troy

[annie lee]

I love them both, but I vote for the second, simply because I have a soft spot (and a lengthy socially critical tirade about why girls HAVE to be cute and guys just have to be masters at farting) for plain girls. The second shines a bright light at the back alleys where we have banished those who are different and do not fit into the boxes that we have manufactured so we can cram people in to protect our sense of what is right.
Great fun to read.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Both have equal merit and guiding words, however for me my vote goes for the second, it speaks ore to the reader.

[Emerald Seas]

This is a riot!
Love them both - they are so unique... I kinda think Jack wrote #2, but I don't know Dr Wood's writing very well to even try a comparison.
Thank you for the chuckle! ;)

[Joyce S. Greene]

Well, Frieda, I'd say
I preferred number one
until I read number two.
Being undecided,
I tried rolling a die
but it came up three
every time -
so I call it a tie.

Very funny, Frieda. I enjoyed the poems of both the poets very much.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like both...let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbleeeeeeeeeeee.

each in its own way. great stories.....i see the first one as Dr. Wood and second as our Jack's....

[carol burgess romance]

Had such fun reading both but am partial to #2, love who she turned out to be, a preacher from the Methodist church

[Angel]

Nobody told me we were supposed to be voting!!!!!
Okay...so
From the lofty halls where angels and mermaids dwell, the winner has been declared!

Number 1...step forward and take your laurels!!!!! You have shown yourself to be the more humorous poet!!