The Broken Vessel

I am a very unhealthy person so my doctors have said that I will not be able to bear children and if I do the pregnancy will kill me. If that doesn't, then the delivery will. I wrote this while I was with my ex, Christian.

Why me? What did I do?

Inside me no child would have grew.

 

When I was young I had no desire,

I sure wish I would have known this news prior.

 

My only hope for a child is through an adoption.

With all those long, lengthy lists, that's simply not an option.

 

Every day around the world women are getting abortions.

They smoke and drink and give birth to children with horrible distortions.

 

Women give birth every day who do not want their child.

How could you not want something so precious? Isn't that wild.

 

Every child is a miracle sent from above.

They should all get so much care and love.

 

Having a baby inside you and feeling it kick.

That's my dream, but no, I'm too sick.

 

Watching them learn and go off to school.

I will never know that, I'm such a fool.

 

Even Mary the Virgin Mother had a baby.

So I though maybe I could, maybe, just maybe.

 

She got to be mother to the world and our Savior.

All I wanted was to be a mother to our Liam Xavvier.

 

But i can not bear, this is my curse.

Living with this pain every day gets worse and worse.

 

The purpose of women is to bear.

I'm starting to think that God doesn't even care.

 

Not being able to have a child is a big hurt.

So pick up your shovel and bury me in the dirt.

Author's Note

This poem is probably the hardest poem I will ever write.
But I have hope, even though it seems so hopeless.

Reviews

[Evan The Seven]

This poem is very lyrical and candid. The feelings described are so honest, I can really feel empathy for what you have experienced. Stay honest and keep writing and you will be able to make people feel about any emotion you wish.

Also, I find it hard to believe with all the orphan children in the world, that you would not be able to adopt if you so chose. In the grand scheme of things, maybe there are no coincidences or accidents and you are meant to adopt and love a child who needs somebody. It is quite cliche, but probably very true, in a sense, that when god closes a door, he opens a window. Just something to ponder.

[Jet Lag]

so raw... and i agree with so much of it.

my heart to you. i have two precious sons for whom i am daily grateful.

thank you for sharing so candidly!

[Michael Lopez]

this is sad
pretty hard thing to read
really

the write itself is great
little personal with some facts
nicely done

[Crazy Cat Man]

I'm sorry that u wont be able to give birth to your own baby. But I know couples who have adopted. Maybe in the future you can adopt or maybe even help take care of one of your siblings babies.

great piece.

[melancholia skies]

Oh my god, I think you might just win my Deepest Emotions poetry contest! :O
You've brought more then one tear to my eye! Oh my god, I love this piece of art.

[J. Hampton]

Gabrielle

Whose heart would not be touched by this... You just poured out your agony on the page...It is wellwritten as well.

One never knows what God has up his sleeve... He has this...soooo just trust that and seek to walk after what special things he has layed out for you.

For one...he sent you to write this...to perhaps...discourage an abortion....or make someone stop abusing their kids...or stop having unprotected -sex....or move someones heart to adopt or foster a child.

I spent years raising a child coming from years of abuse and foster care....and have been a mentor to kids in permenant foster care. There is no greater gift than love.

Be encouraged...and keep writing about it .

Blessssssssssssss

[TL Boehm]

this one got to me in a big way. It is true -and heart wrenching that so many women can simply end a pregnancy....without thought when so many others live in real pain over not being able to have a child. I know there are those serious circumstances, but using abortion as a means of 'birth control' or 'convenience' .... it is difficult to understand that mindset....
this is a lyrical and eloquent work.

[Demyra]

I don't really know you, and I don't know what you've been through. Sorry to hear this, I really am. I know you have your bf to talk to, and you have no clue who I am outside of someone on the internet, but still, if you ever do feel the need to talk, I'm willing to listen, okay?

The poem is well written...grammar wasn't bad, I only observed a point I felt needed a question mark, not a period. The meaning, the words are well put together, and even carry the empathy inducing feel I used to search for in poems(Misery loves it's company). You're a great writer, and I'm glad that you did copy this over. This was very interesting to read...

Oh, and I LIKED the direct-ness to the poem...

[*** Hey Jude***]

The intense emotional pain you share is very evident in your poem. I hope it was a cathartic write for you and that you are able to continue to purge emotions through your gift of writing. When it comes to things like this, you dont get over it, you just get through it. Bless You ~ N

[shadowed heart]

I feel for you I really do! I have once lost a child of my own, and I was told at one time I would never beable to bare another child. I prayed that that would not be the case and it wasn't I have given birth to 4 beautiful children I concider myself lucky, however not all women have the blessings others do, And my heart surely aches for all of these women. You see you are not alone my friend many woman cry themselves to sleep every night for the same pain you feel. But god is righteous and fair. Many young teenagers are more then willing to give theyre children up and overseas many babies are being born starving to death. I believe that beyond reasons we know, some of us are chosen to do things in life for a purpose. God loves you, and i'm sure he sees a different path for you, but you have to take time and find it

[Francis Myerick]

A lot of women struggle with infertility, and it's really tough to deal with day in and day out, but this sort of internal struggle can produce extremely evocative art. Like Frida Kahlo's paintings.

To be completely honest, I found the rhythm of a lot of these lines pretty awkward.
Perhaps for that reason, I think maybe you ought to try chaneling these very generative emotions into a form that lends itself nicely to more emotive pieces. Maybe free verse, or blank verse which is a little more restrictive and really helps develop rhythm. Hope this helps.