The Broken Vessel

I am a very unhealthy person so my doctors have said that I will not be able to bear children and if I do the pregnancy will kill me. If that doesn't, then the delivery will. I wrote this while I was with my ex, Christian.

Why me? What did I do?

Inside me no child would have grew.

 

When I was young I had no desire,

I sure wish I would have known this news prior.

 

My only hope for a child is through an adoption.

With all those long, lengthy lists, that's simply not an option.

 

Every day around the world women are getting abortions.

They smoke and drink and give birth to children with horrible distortions.

 

Women give birth every day who do not want their child.

How could you not want something so precious? Isn't that wild.

 

Every child is a miracle sent from above.

They should all get so much care and love.

 

Having a baby inside you and feeling it kick.

That's my dream, but no, I'm too sick.

 

Watching them learn and go off to school.

I will never know that, I'm such a fool.

 

Even Mary the Virgin Mother had a baby.

So I though maybe I could, maybe, just maybe.

 

She got to be mother to the world and our Savior.

All I wanted was to be a mother to our Liam Xavvier.

 

But i can not bear, this is my curse.

Living with this pain every day gets worse and worse.

 

The purpose of women is to bear.

I'm starting to think that God doesn't even care.

 

Not being able to have a child is a big hurt.

So pick up your shovel and bury me in the dirt.

Author's Note

This poem is probably the hardest poem I will ever write.
But I have hope, even though it seems so hopeless.

Reviews

[Evan The Seven]

This poem is very lyrical and candid. The feelings described are so honest, I can really feel empathy for what you have experienced. Stay honest and keep writing and you will be able to make people feel about any emotion you wish.

Also, I find it hard to believe with all the orphan children in the world, that you would not be able to adopt if you so chose. In the grand scheme of things, maybe there are no coincidences or accidents and you are meant to adopt and love a child who needs somebody. It is quite cliche, but probably very true, in a sense, that when god closes a door, he opens a window. Just something to ponder.

[Roland Smith]

My God, I cannot say how much my heart goes out to you for this, my cousins fiance is also barren so my understanding in this is more than most but still very limited, I cannot even imagine that kind of pain

I pay my respects and defer to you
in deepest sympathy
Roland

[Rion]

Honestly, the rhyme used in this poem is very.... i dunno, nursery rhyme ish, if you get my drift. The meaning behind the poem is good, and everything, but I feel so much more can be done with the poem. If you lowered the directness of the poem just a little bit, I feel it would improve a fair bit.
Hope I helped more than I destroyed.
Keep up the good work
Rion

[musegirlsm]

You have really moved me. I wish that I could hug you. I think that you should keep writing and get the pain out. Sometimes I use my writing as "Emotional Throwup"... It's helped me get through some tough times. The picture you used combined with the music and poem all worked together to bring this 43 year old to tears. My only hope is that you realize your talent and how much you are worth in this world....

sandra

[Elise O'Haire]

Wow...I almost cried. This is truly full of emotion. You know, miracles happen and with God all things are possible. So many people give up their children, and so many children yearn for a home. I love your poem. Even though God sometimes allows bad things to happen, there is always something we can learn from it. I totally understand this in my own life.

God's Love,

Elise O'Haire

[Life Inside Death]

This was so pure it almost made me cry. It makes me so mad that these idiotic teenage girls and whatnot are getting abortions instead of keeping the life they've created, and at least putting the child up for adoption. I want to send my deepest sorrow to you for such a horrible fate, but don't write off adoption. Don't forget that there are thousands of kids and babies out there who need a mother to love them, so if you want to save a child like that go ahead and adopt.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Wow. That was probably the saddest poem i've read. Great poem though, indeed. I never imagined how hard it is to concieve, thank you for sharing.

[Rhan F. Sydney]

This piece is very touching. I am in awe at this struggle and send my love with you for your honesty. This is very raw and passionate indeed.

[Bethany Woody]

Your words are very raw and honest. I can not imagine what it would be like to go through something like you describe. I have to say Bravo to you for being strong enough to post this, and strong enough to endure all life has given you so far. There will come a time when your purpose here is known. I'm not a very religious person, but I do believe that God has a plan for us all, and when we are ready to fulfill that plan he will reveal it to us. It takes patience and understanding on our parts to wait for that day.
And as Evan The Seven said, "In the grand scheme of things, maybe there are no coincidences or accidents and you are meant to adopt and love a child who needs somebody. It is quite cliche, but probably very true, in a sense, that when god closes a door, he opens a window. Just something to ponder."

[Gandré]

I'm starting to think that God doesn't even care. ---------you get this positive thinking and accept yourself. there is nowhere else to go. thank you for your entering my contest. I am sorry that this happened. but believe me we get healing by orientation on those who even have worse condition. that s healing. Try please. I want to see you smile...hug lara