The Broken Vessel

I am a very unhealthy person so my doctors have said that I will not be able to bear children and if I do the pregnancy will kill me. If that doesn't, then the delivery will. I wrote this while I was with my ex, Christian.

Why me? What did I do?

Inside me no child would have grew.

 

When I was young I had no desire,

I sure wish I would have known this news prior.

 

My only hope for a child is through an adoption.

With all those long, lengthy lists, that's simply not an option.

 

Every day around the world women are getting abortions.

They smoke and drink and give birth to children with horrible distortions.

 

Women give birth every day who do not want their child.

How could you not want something so precious? Isn't that wild.

 

Every child is a miracle sent from above.

They should all get so much care and love.

 

Having a baby inside you and feeling it kick.

That's my dream, but no, I'm too sick.

 

Watching them learn and go off to school.

I will never know that, I'm such a fool.

 

Even Mary the Virgin Mother had a baby.

So I though maybe I could, maybe, just maybe.

 

She got to be mother to the world and our Savior.

All I wanted was to be a mother to our Liam Xavvier.

 

But i can not bear, this is my curse.

Living with this pain every day gets worse and worse.

 

The purpose of women is to bear.

I'm starting to think that God doesn't even care.

 

Not being able to have a child is a big hurt.

So pick up your shovel and bury me in the dirt.

Author's Note

This poem is probably the hardest poem I will ever write.
But I have hope, even though it seems so hopeless.

Reviews

[Evan The Seven]

This poem is very lyrical and candid. The feelings described are so honest, I can really feel empathy for what you have experienced. Stay honest and keep writing and you will be able to make people feel about any emotion you wish.

Also, I find it hard to believe with all the orphan children in the world, that you would not be able to adopt if you so chose. In the grand scheme of things, maybe there are no coincidences or accidents and you are meant to adopt and love a child who needs somebody. It is quite cliche, but probably very true, in a sense, that when god closes a door, he opens a window. Just something to ponder.

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

This piece touched my heart in so many. You see when I was young I had a birth control device they found to be defective. I was told that I may never be able to carry a child full term because of scar tissue from the device. I am happy to tell you that I had six beautiful daughters and one son who I lost 55 minutes after
he was born. If you have been trying to get pregant stop trying and enjoy the blessings you have. You never know what will happen. Don't lose your faith cause God never gives up on us. This was a good piece
and you opened up and showed us the pain you hold inside.That takes courage. Sometimes all we have to letgo and let God. Bravo great read.
Debby

[Sae]

this poem really brought tears to my eyes. its meaning is so deep and heartfelt. all i can think is "wow thats just . . . wow"; i'm at a loss for words. you voiced your thoughts and feelings in this piece so vividly. if ever someone was to read this and not feel anything, then there's something seriously wrong w/ them.

[~Wandering Soul~]

this is so sad but a great contibution to the contest. i too found the emotions came across clearly and strongly
im sorry yuo cant have children, it is something that most women want and one day i would like that myself
adoption lists are long but maybe a foster parent?
wouldnt you feel even beter about it knowing you were helping a child that at such a young age has gone through such hard times?
just a suggestion
great write though and so sad
good luck in the contest
Rach
xoxo

[Michael Carr]

not bad, but it's not a great piece. the rhyming feels forced and not too much imagery.
it's a nice idea and some parts work but it need some work. still, it's a emotional and involving piece.

[H. A. M.]

Painful and honest feelings in this. The desire to bear children and living with the inability. It does explain the last line even if I wish it wasn't the feeling. A very personal write said very poeticly.

[Emily B]

You've done a wonderful job expressing yourself in this poem. Never give up hope. You have lots of time ahead of you and a lot of love in your heart to share. The sky is the limit. Good luck!

[RAWR!]

this poem is so filled with love,
remember girl that when you grow up there might be ways to fix problems that seem impossible to fix now.
you just have to get though each and everyday, because tomorrow it might get better.
and don't forget to live a little today, you still have many years more until you even need to consider a thing like this.
but from a poetic point of view this is fantastic.
its not something you can learn to write,
you have such a gift of putting yourself into the things you write.

great work.

[angelina neves]

I agree with the comments made before me... There are so many children in this world dreaming of having a mother, a family, someone who cares... There are orphans and abandoned children... there are the ones that are violated in their rights by their parents... just think of them!!!!!!!!
And i always think: why should more children come to this world if we can't take care of the ones we have already here?! If we even have the corage of bombing them in wars that make no sense?!
I think abortion is much more sensible and human then having all this uncared and violated children all around with no one to look at them...
I love children and i have two that came from my inside (one is 31 and another 21) and two adopted ones (one 21 was adopted when he was 1 year of age, orphan, and another is now 26 and was a street child and become our family when he was 11 years of age)... And i'm proud of all of them!
Hope you find a way to heal your pain... Sometimes it only take a new look at all around... :)

[1blaquote]

Gabrielle,
some of the best mother's on the planet have never given physical birth! Oprah is one of them!
My advice to you is to contact your local foster care office and become a volunteer in your spare time. The reward will be great for you and those children who simply need loving arms to hold them!
I want to say to you that you give birth everytime you put pen to paper with the intent of compassion!
God has a much bigger plan for your life, far beyond your imagination, just believe to the point of knowing and it shall be done....Much Love To You,
Gaynell

[Brian K. Walters]

Gabrielle,
Your writing is so personal and sincere. For a person to openly bare so much of themselves is a gift so many writers are afraid to share. But that's what true writing is. Sure, the right flow and artisic expression is as well, but without heart...then the result is merely words.
Keep writing and share your talent with the world.