Acid Reservoir

I'm sailing down an acid reservoir

in my biohazard gear.

I fish for literary fossils

From the first one hundred years.

 

I net a couple little ones,

Too many to keep track.

The skittish things the big ones eat,

So I have to throw them back.

 

I bend along the shoreline,

And tack into the beach.

There, the kraken bones are posed;

Close, but out of reach.

 

So, I'll sail on through this mausoleum,

Pass the great, the wasted wonder;

I'll catch the wafts of geriatric Gods,

But I'll never steal their thunder.

 

I'll never understand the thunder.

I shudder, rudder down the reverie.

I need just one organic piece

to release me from its memory.

 

The first one hundred years are almost up;

The H20 is almost stopped.

A couple voices cry for me.

I miss that sound, I've got to leave...

 

I tack back east,

But there's no wind.

I'm trapped in here,

until the end.

 

I have myself to thank for this,

And the rest of time to think.

 

What kind of thing would travel here,

in search of his first hundred years, and

Will he want to save my skull

if it's bobbing by his hull?

Reviews

[Terpsichore]

Your muse took the bait in this one.

Great write, enjoyed the whole thing. T

[Thaddius]

thanks, just wrote another one, it's rough but i'd appreciate the read. pm me if you'd like me to read something specific. best,

-Thad

[Bluefire]

Amazing adventure, feels as though I've live through it's darkest depths and awaoken from a dream by the end.
Captivating. Well done!

[The Representative]

More brilliance, Thaddius.

[Thaddius]

thanks representative, appreciate the support as always

[The Representative]

Just thought I'd wish to tell you.. Reality's finally had repercussions for me. I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist.

[Thaddius]

I see one every week. It's great to hear man. Understand your own stuff, and you're unstoppable. Brownie points to whoever starts off the most fucked up (count me in)

[The Representative]

The cause is that I suffer from OCD.. In any case, I wanted to tell you out of you're being part of a period of time when I felt fine - and so, in a way, reclaiming my sanity.

[Luna Zerimar]

"I need just one organic piece
to release me from its memory.

The first one hundred years are almost up;
The H20 is almost stopped.
A couple voices cry for me.
I miss that sound, I've got to leave...

I tack back east,
But there's no wind.
I'm trapped in here,
until the end."

Your piece flowed beautifully. All the imagery you put in made it really pop. It was alive!

But those particular lines got my heart. Great read. x

[Thaddius]

thanks that's really nice of you to say! cheers, -Thad

[Danny Bosko]

Written very well. Nice flow on word's. Can tell your a passionate fisherman. A really enjoyable read.

[Thaddius]

thanks, I appreciate the kind words. Haven't fished since I was kid, although maybe there's something in that

[KaoticOrder]

Interesting and thought provoking. i enjoyed it. your words flowed very nicely.

[Thaddius]

thanks very much.

[JayceeC]

This was a lot of fun to read since I often feel like that as I search sites for one great piece to inspire my writing. The ending is a bit of a puzzle and I'm not sure it really added a lot to the poem. The meat of it seems to be in the first six strophes. After that it feels like you are searching for a way to end the poem. The hundred yrs seach has also lost its significance at this point. You've gone from seach of the literary type to.. what a personal quest? You've got what I consider to be good bones but you need to fine tune it, so when the reader is finished the theme of the poem is clear.
I hope to read more of your work, and please know that I view critique as a tool to improve our craft. You have a lot of talent, but you need to focus it. I never mind review requests but those who I review do so with the understanding that I may nitpick. It's the only way to improve a piece and not fall into mediocrity.

[Thaddius]

Yes I agree with a lot of what you say. I actually burnt myself out a bit writing this, since I like to knock 'em out in one sitting, and was already pretty sapped. In that context, your comments are very, very perceptive, because this one did get away from me a little, and really isn't up to my standards.

Good bones, haha, clever. I do disagree about the theme. I looked a little at your work and was impressed, I'll go back when I get the chance. But I noticed some high concept type stuff, which I've tried too. I think there's a value in that, but it isn't the universal rule. I may have created a dynamic in the first few stanzas that I didn't fully carry through, structurally and thematically, but I think that's okay. I see this poem and many others not as reservoirs of thought, but more like rivers, starting high up on a mountain and ending up somewhere in the world. I don't believe the river has to finish near the mountain, because whoever tastes the water will know that's where it came from.

[JayceeC]

Fair enough I can see that but you did not end with your water reference. I sometimes chalk older writes up as bits of experience and do not touch them again. I go back and look at them later to analyze, and may just use them for a measuring stick of my current work. Use my comment however you wish. I hold no expectations for what you should do with it.

[GreenEyedPoet]

"I'm sailing down an acid reservoir
in my biohazard gear.
I fish for literary fossils
From the first one hundred years"

Loved this stanza.
This is a really cool piece, I enjoyed reading it!

[Thaddius]

thank ye, oh great reviewer

[GreenEyedPoet]

Welcome. :)

[Emberlorna]

It feels kind of apocalyptic.. It seems that the person is alone and maybe has been for a very long time, lost/trapped inside a radioactive wasteland.. searching for something/some sign of life... I had to read it a few times to understand. I really like it, it's different and an amazing piece, very deep.

[Thaddius]

thanks, glad you pick up on that end of the world sense. yes, layers are the only thing that engage me in poetry

[Lizardo]

You have no Idea how much I enjoyed reading this poem, the flow and the rhyming are perfect. and I pictured this vividly on my head, this is really good stuff. Going to my favorites, you did a great job writing this one! I really like it.

[Thaddius]

thanks!! I was raised on Slim Shady, so that's why flow is so important to my writing style! Hats off to him