Chapter One Princess Loreena: Confessions

                Princess Loreena had always been curious. She hungered for information, specifically that about the magical beasts. She consumed books, much to the delight of her Uncle Milton, who was her father's personal servant and as near to a father as he had since his father had passed the previous year. She had a near perfect memory, and spoke and wrote all of the magical languages fluently. Her younger sister Darcy teased her mercilessly about it. What was the use of speaking Cornish, Dragonese, Fairish, and Griffinese, when she'd never encounter such a beast. All the remaining magical beasts lived in the Varclave forest, a sanctuary that had been established by a man named Vincent Varclave when the beast had been on the brink of extinction due to mass hunting. Humans were forbidden from entering the forest. Still, the Princess found them fascinating.

            She wasn't only a bookworm, however. She loved to go exploring. From the time she'd been five up until the year prior to his death, Prince Rafael, her paternal grandfather, had taken her on trips up into the Netherwood Mountains. For weeks they would slumber in caves while he taught her how to fish and hunt. He dragged a reluctant Darcy along as well. As they'd grown older, he'd taught them how to fight with swords. The older Princess had loved those bonding moments with her grandfather. The younger had dreaded and resented them.

            As she neared the age of sixteen, Princess Loreena received mounting pressure from her grandmother, Queen Bellamine of the Kingdom of Alcwyn (the most marvelous kingdom there ever was, the Princess thought bitterly) to wed. She had no desire to, and didn't see the need. She was second in line to the throne, but her grandmother was in good health and her father was still relatively young. It would be years, potentially decades, before she ascended to the throne. She was young and fertile, her grandmother had argued, but she'd be young and fertile in four years time as well.

            If her grandfather were alive he'd have fought the Queen on it. Her father, Crown Prince Flint, had tried to reason with her, but she was stubborn in her insistence that the Princess be betrothed by the time of her sixteenth date of birth.

            Princess Loreena missed her grandfather fiercely, at certain times more than others, though he was never far from her mind. When she felt tears coming she'd clutch at the elvish bear charm she wore around her neck. It had been created by the Lovedie forest elf Lye, who'd given it to Emmeline Fantz, who was Queen Bellamine's seamstress, who'd then gifted it to Prince Rafael. The Prince had worn the charm around his neck for his entire life except for the year that his son, Princess Loreena's father had. That had been during the Prince's War, when Prince Flint had slain the Tyrant King, Egbert Elson. On his deathbed, Prince Rafael had asked his granddaughter to keep the charm safe. She'd promised she would, and hadn't taken it off since. She even bathed and slept with it on.

            When the Queen announced that she was hosting a sixteenth date of birth ball for her granddaughter where young, eligible men from all over Alcwyn and even from other kingdoms would be attending she was mortified. She couldn't believe her grandmother. Queen Bellamine's own father had forced her into the same thing, and she'd resented him for it. The Princess felt as though she were being punished. Unlike her sister Darcy, Princess Loreena despised having to dress in a gown. She did it for formal public appearances, and she hated every moment of it. She didn't feel like herself. She'd rather be in boy's clothing. She could move easier in them.

            She'd pleaded with the Queen to call off the ball, but since her husband's death she'd been nearly impossible to deal with. She was bitter at having lost her life partner. She snapped at servants for no reason, and several of them had quit since. Sharing her pain, the Princess tried to be understanding, but in such a situation it was difficult.

            At least the Queen had invited the Princess's friends.

            Garson Hannigan was the son of Princess Loreena's personal servant Grace. Garson's father, and Grace's husband, had passed when Garson had been less than two years of age. He had no memories of his father. Shortly after his death, Grace had come to work at the castle. She and her son lived in the servant's quarters, and thus Garson and the Princess had grown up together.

            Garson was tall and lanky. He had pale skin with shaggy brown hair and hazel eyes. He had a prominent nose and a small chin that had just the faintest hint of stubble. His personality was as awkward as his appearance, and he was not very bright. But he had the sweetest, kindest heart, and that was what mattered to the Princess.

            Keeva Carver was the daughter of Kevlin, a ship captain who had been Prince Flint's ally in the Prince's War and had since become his closest friend. Kevlin and his wife Kaia had four children. Kaleo and Kadence were both grown, while Keeva and her twin brother Koa were the same age as the Princess. The family descended from Corosonia and the children had the pale, flawless skin and bright blue eyes so common in that kingdom, but their hair, instead of being rich black like their mother's (and their father's had once been) all four were blonde. It came from Kaia's mother, supposedly, though there were whispers the Captain's wife had had an affair. Princess Loreena didn't believe the hearsay. She'd been over to Carver's manse at least once a week throughout her childhood alongside her parents and her sister, and even more often on her own to visit Keeva. She'd witnessed the love between Kevlin and Kaia, so much like that of her parents and grandparents.

            To Princess Loreena it seemed there were two Keevas. There was the shy, reserved one, and the carefree, curious one. Keeva longed for approval and acceptance, and that required keeping parts of her life a secret. But despite this she took risks so that she could satiate her desires. Only three people knew Keeva's secret. The Princess was one of them. She still remembered the day Keeva had told her...

...

            "What is it, Kee?" Princess Loreena asked as they sat down on Keeva's bed.

            Like Princes Loreena, Keeva was interested in the magical beasts, though she cared mostly for the griffins. She had a bookshelf in her chambers crammed full of books about them, and her mother had knitted her a quilt for her bed that depicted three griffins soaring. The Princess had been teaching her friend, with mild success, to speak both Griffinese and Dragonese.

            When Keeva had requested that the Princess come to her house one afternoon after a long, difficult day at school, the Princess hadn't been at all surprised. She'd assumed Keeva had wanted some help with her school work. But the look on Keeva's face; one of absolute fear; startled the Princess. Why would Keeva ever look at her that way?

            She reached out her hands in an offering to her friend. She didn't shy away from physical contact with her friends. A held hand, an embrace, they were the ways she expressed her affection for them.         

            Keeva stared at the offered hands but did not take them as she normally would. That was when the Princess knew something was truly amiss.

            "You can tell me, Kee. You can trust me." Princess Loreena said. Her friend knew that. Or so she'd thought. 

            "Alright," Keeva blew out a breath. "Women are supposed to marry men and have children; to have families; right?" She said. Her voice was trembling.

            Princess Loreena nodded.

            "I don't want that." Keeva said.

            The Princess stared at her, perplexed. "That's all?" She inquired. "Keeva, you don't have to wed anyone if you don't wish to. That's why they say Alcwyn is the most marvelous kingdom there ever was, isn't it? Because women here have a choice. We aren't confined by social expectations or defined by the role of wife and mother." For Keeva that was true, for the Princess only part of it was. There was no choice for her.

            Keeva shook her head. "You don't understand." She mumbled. She still wouldn't look the Princess in her eyes. "It's not that I don't wish to wed, I do...Someday. It's only...The way that I'm supposed to feel about men...I feel about other women. And before you tell me I don't know what I'm saying; that I'm imagining it; that I'm actually perfectly normal...I've tried it. With both a man and a woman."

            Silence swelled between them. Finally, the Princess broke it.

            "Keeva, you are normal. Just because you prefer to be with a woman rather than a man...You're still the same person you've always been. Nothing's changed. I'm assuming this isn't a recent development?" She clarified.

            Keeva shook her head. "No. I've always been how I am. I told myself it was a phase, or that I would feel different when I actually...tried it. But, my experiences only served to confirm that...It's a woman I want to be with, not a man." She buried her face in her hands.

            The Princess reached up and pulled her arms away, then she grasped Keeva's chin and forced her head up so that her friend met her gaze.

            "Keeva, why were you so afraid to tell me this? Why are you hiding like your ashamed; like you have a reason to be?" The Princess was trying desperately to understand, but she couldn't.

            "Because...I told Koa first." Keeva mumbled. Tears welled in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. "He...He said I was an abomination. The next day, I found him in his room and he was...he was cutting into his arms with a knife. He said because we were twins that meant he had my taint, and he had to bleed himself so that he wouldn't become like me." She shuddered.

            Princess Loreena's mind was reeling. She was shocked. Keeva and Koa had been inseparable their whole lives; to halves of the same whole. The Princess loved them both, but in that moment she hated Koa. She couldn't fathom how he could say or do such a thing.

            "Kee, I'm sorry." Princess Loreena wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her close. Keeva's tears wetted her chest, but she didn't mind.

            After a time, Keeva collected herself. She sat back up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She sniffled.          

            "You aren't...bothered by me; by what I am?" Keeva asked skeptically.

            "Kee, no." Princess Loreena struggled to comprehend how her friend could think her confession would change anything between them. Had she ever said something that would cause Keeva to doubt their sisterly bond? There was nothing that she could remember, but she supposed being told by her twin that she was a monster could make someone who already suffered from insecurities that much more vulnerable.

            "Kee, I'm sorry Ko reacted how he did, but I'm not him, and I don't feel the same. I promise. You're my friend, and I love you." Something occurred to her then. "Have you told your parents?" She asked.

            Keeva shook her head. "No, and I'm not prepared to." She whispered.

            The Princess nodded. "What about Garson?" She asked.

            Keeva smiled. It was small and pained, but it was there.

            "I think I'm ready to tell him." She said. "If you're there with me when I do."

            Princess Loreena smiled and squeezed her hand. "Of course." She agreed. "You don't need to be apprehensive about telling him." She assured Keeva. "He isn't Koa."

            At the mention of her brother's name, Keeva burst back into tears.

...

            Since that day, Keeva had been involved in a number of relationships the Princess knew about. Keeva didn't discuss her love life often, which was a relief to Garson, who found it a bit unsettling, though he'd handled it far better than Koa had.

            Keeva's most recent relationship had been her most serious. Her partner's name had been Annora Lazenby. She lived on the Lenhart Ranch, where the horses and asses that new Alcwynians rode in on were kept and cared for, along with a plethora of other animals. She and her brother Stefan had been Corosonian orphans who'd been taken in by Archimus and Adalaide, who'd once cared for Aquinas Lenhart, a friend of Princess Loreena's parents. The couple had since passed away, and the siblings had taken over ownership of the ranch and all its livestock.

            Keeva had been madly, passionately in love with Annora, and the rancher with her. The Princess would listen patiently while Keeva would drone on for hours about how beautiful and perfect Annora was. She endured it because she was pleased to see her friend so happy.

            It had been easy for them to see each other often, because all Keeva had to do was lie and tell her parents she was taking riding lessons, which the Ranch offered.

            Then, one day, Keeva's feelings had abruptly changed course. She broke off the relationship, never giving any reason, and leaving Annora devastated. Keeva herself would not speak of what had transpired; what had provoked her sudden change of heart. As always, the Princess had respected her friend's privacy and not pried. So long as Keeva was alright, that was enough for her. The reason was not so important as that.

...

            There was one friend Princess Loreena had specifically asked her grandmother to refrain from inviting to her date of birth ball, and that was Hector Ira. At the age of eighteen, he was tall, pale, freckled, and muscular with the red curls of an Avellanan and the deep brown eyes of a Jorranian; he was son to both.

            Hector and the Princess had met at school, though he was two years ahead of her and now finished. He'd been giving a presentation on the magical beasts, and afterward the Princess had approached him and they'd spoken for hours. Hector, she learned, had been inside of the forest. From the time he'd been a boy he'd had vivid dreams calling him to the forest, and in those dreams Vincent Varclave appeared to him. One day he'd gathered up the courage to actually venture into the forest. Somehow he'd managed to penetrate the barrier without any repercussions.

            The beasts had been naturally wary of a human stranger, but they had not attacked him. He'd observed him for a time from a careful distance, gradually moving closer. He'd spoken to each of them in their own tongue, and they'd begun to trust him as they had no other but Varclave. From then on he'd been welcome in the forest. He visited often, and always brought treats for the beasts. Fairies, he'd once told the Princess, would do just about anything for a sweet.

            Princess Loreena was envious. She felt that Hector had been chosen by Varclave to take his place as the Guardian of the forest, an honor she wished belonged to her. She'd begged Hector to take her with him, but he'd insisted that he could not. He told her countless stories, though, and that only served to increase her longing.

            The Princess would have been mortified if Hector saw her tripping about in some frivolous, ridiculous ball gown. She might croak form embarrassment. The truth of the matter was she fancied Hector far more than she should. He made her feel giddy. He brought out the girl in her, and she hated that as much as she loved it. She wanted to be the tough, warrior princess her grandfather had raised her to be, and the firm, respect inspiring queen she knew she needed to be, but Hector made her into the opposite.

            If she had to marry anyone, she thought she wouldn't loath being wed to Hector. But he would prevent her from being the best regnant she could be. He would interfere with her ability to rule simply by being...Hector.

...

            Princess Loreena stood in front of a full length mirror in her bed chambers. Grace was buried beneath her dress, stitching a tear that had been created as she'd fought to get it over the Princess's head.

            The gown consumed the Princess. Her figure was lost under the countless layers of canary yellow fabric. The bodice was suffocating, and she'd only just barely squeezed into it. The sleeves were puffs. The whole dress was dotted with tiny golden balls, and around her neck was a gold choker with a brilliant diamond in its center. Gazing into the mirror, she looked as ridiculous as she'd feared.

            Her height, light brown skin, long dark hair, and deep brown eyes with her square jaw and thin nose were still as handsome as ever, but her features hardly mattered when they were being swallowed up by her outfit.

            At least she'd talked her grandmother out of forcing her to don one of the tiaras from the Queen's extensive collection. That had been a battle she'd been willing to wage, but as a form of revenge Queen Bellamine had stuffed her granddaughter into this.

            "Grace," The Princess said quietly.
            "Hmm," Her servant managed to free herself from the folds of the Princess's dress. She emerged with much ruffled hair and stood with her needle and thread still clasped in her hand.

            "I don't think I want to have children." The Princess blurted out. Her body sagged, much as it could in her gown, in relief. She'd had the thought for years but had never been brave enough to say the words aloud, not even when she was all alone in her chambers.

            She awaited Grace's response.

            "Then you shouldn't." Came her reply.

            Princess Loreena stiffened. "What?" She demanded.

            "There's no reason you should have children if you don't wish to. There's a line of succession for a reason, Loreena. If you die childless, than either your sister or her offspring with ascend to the throne. The monarchy will survive and thrive, regardless of whether or not you have children."

            Princess Loreena laughed. "I thought you would lecture me about how I have  a responsibility to my family and to Alcwyn." She said.

            "You do have a responsibility to Alcwyn...You have a responsibility to be their queen, and to be a good one. You don't need to be a mother to do that."

            "I don't want to get married, either." The Princess added, encouraged by Grace's response to her first proclamation.

            At this, Grace sighed. "Have you told the Queen?" She inquired.

            Princess Loreena nodded. "Yes." She said. "She refuses to listen. She says I'm too young to know for certain what I want, but I do. I'm not a child. I'm not trying to be petulant about this whole ball. But why can't she respect my decisions?"

            "Because she believes she's doing what's right for you." Grace said. "I understand your grievances, Loreena, but I also understand her motivations. So please, for the love you bear her, put a smile on your face and attend the ball. You don't have to choose a husband tonight, but for your grandmother's sake at least pretend you intend to."

            Princess Loreena groaned.

            "Fine." She agreed. "But only because you asked me to, Grace."

            "Good." Grace said. "I knew I could count on you, my Princess."

            It was subtle, Grace referring to her as Princess rather than her name as she always did, but it was a reminder that she had royal duties to attend to, and the ball was one of them.