My Song

~~¤~~

You are every word I put
In this jar of  lines that I keep for so long
Like every breath that I breathe
And every single beat of my heart

You are the wish of forever
The moment I stare up to the sky
And wait for a shooting star
Or just look at those stellar bodies
Find the most radiant of them all
And uncover your eyes in it
As if you are staring at me soulfully

I hear your whispers in the wind
And even in the drops of water
Like rain that washes my spirit
Or the sound of the waves
That always echo on the walls of my soul
As those children playing
At the back of my mind

You never leave me in my dreams
Your touch always comfort me
With those words I need to carry on

You are my song
Your words, my melody

You are my song
My love forever

~~¤~~

Author's Note

Photo from Google images

Reviews

[ANTO]

Hi Dhaye. Its great to see you around here more often again :)
I see you play guitar - me too (well play is a strong word for my noodling)
This is so eloquent - the metaphors and similes are wonderfully creative.
I noted 4 lines started with the word 'Like' and it was the only fly in this particularly fine ointment. Have you consider using other terms in drawing similes perhaps "as if ..." or even just 'as'
and maybe if you prefer to use 'Like' then maybe move it around within the lines. That said, I really enjoyed this one. Well penned my friend.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you so much for your kindness, Anto! I really appreciate your suggestion. Thanks for reminding me on how to use simile. You are a good reader
..I was not aware of using "like" 4x in this piece. Hehe

I will try to edit it though I am on cp right now. Thanks a bunch!

[Sami Khalil]

Very expressive and romantic. The imagery and emotions are so lovely. You tickle our fancy with your awesome writes...:)...................

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Sami.

[Sami Khalil]

Welcome, Dhaye....:))))))

[ms. barrie]

simply exquisite...poetic beauty at it's finest! love the subtle imagery that builds up near the end, proclaiming honest love, heart singing to another one. thanks for sharing :) X

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks a lot for appreciating it, B.

[emmajoy]

' And even in the drops of water - Like the rain that washes my spirit - Or the sound of the waves -
That always echo on the walls of my soul - Like those children playing - At the back of my mind'

#very line of your poem has a magical, gentle breath.. you write of a lover in such soft whispers and yet the strength of your feeling is so distinct.

Such beautiful words, such beautiful love...

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Indeed love is beautiful.
Thanks, emmajoy.

[emmajoy]

I also listened to your reading.. and your laughter... is absolutely delightful..

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

What reading? LOL. If it is at soundcloud, the piece I am sharing is THE LIGHT and IN MY REPOSE recited by a male poet. What I know is when I play them, the next pieces were from the poet named Rachel...and I've heard that one with her laughter. Hehe
Thanks, em.

[emmajoy]

Okay., sorry.. but don't doubt you giggle and laugh sometimes.. or should!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Yes, I wilk remember. Thank you and best wishes to you and your family this Christmas.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

*will

[Willard Wells]

I realized I had not visited your words or profile after you so kindly read my work. I am glad I selected this one first for many reasons which all of which I will not bore you. I am going to the Philippines in the Leyte region. I have viewed and read so much of the area I am excited to hopefully take pictures and write poems.

Your piece here with it's words of water and wind just continued to open my mind to what I believe will be a once in a lifetime experience. But then you also added love into this work and I am yours. Thank you in many ways. Peace Out.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you so much for helping Filipinos, sir.
And thank you for spending your time to read this one.

[NeiL ArandA]

Here's my own take or sample of thoughts coming from your lines.

You’re every word I tuck inside this jar of lines
like verses of a song I’ve kept close to my heart

You’re every molecules of air I breathe
inside my lungs which supplies every muscles
that makes this tireless heart run

You’re every raindrops that falls
from my darkened sky
that wash every memory of tears
and quench my undying thirst

You’re the wish I haven’t ask from the night
as I wait for a lone shooting star to arrive

You’re the cool breeze that gently strokes my hair
As the wind whispers words of hopes into my ears…

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Nice version. Just be conscious of the subject/noun if it needs to be in plural or singular form (ex. "every" describes a single subject so "every molecules" should be "every molecule").
I like the first verse for it sounds deeper than the other lines.
The second verse sounds coming from a Science teacher. lol
The third verse is very familiar to me since I have used the line "Rain washes my tears away"in my previous poems.
The fourth verse is not apt (for me) to be put as a couplet at the middle of the poem.
The last verse(which is another couplet) sounds lacking or not effective to be the ending.

BTW, you said that it's your sample. Thanks for giving me ideas now. I will not use the lines since they are yours...but still, you helped me to improve my piece. Thank you!

[Eddie Davis]

A very romantic and beautiful poem, the imagery is wonderful and expressed quite well.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you, Eddie.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Really powerful words... what a beautiful poem put into a written song.

I really like this part

The raindrop that makes me alive
Since this barren land ignored my cries

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you, sir!

[Coyote Poetry]

Beautiful and hopeful words dear Poet.
"You are my song
The melody I want to hear forever "
We need someone who made us sing and dance to the joy of happiness. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you, Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Poet.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

a very romantic write...a loved one written in every line of a poem, every chorus of a song...every beat of the pen.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks for the kind words, sir j.