601 North Barranca

601 North Barranca

A Poem by trainwreck

You know... I think I forgive you.

You knew how to keep me quiet,
and you did, for my whole life;
maybe I'm alive (but I don't buy it),
I don't even try to hide it. 
You locked me up, 
and locked me in, 
and tried to act like I'd forget
humidity and happiness. 
As if all my life was a perfect dream
and this nightmare was reality
Call me crazy!
But... I didn't believe. 
You hurt me for peace of mind, 
so tell me: 
are you justified?
all my childish smiles
let you see the truth: 
I was trying so hard 
to wretch my love from you.
I'd forgotten how to sing, 
and how to eat,
and how to breathe, 
without being silent and unseen.
I was quiet. 
As quiet as a mouse. 
The joke of it all? 
It was in this house.  

© 2011 trainwreck

Author's Note

I wrote this in less than five minutes, so I'm not quite sure if it only makes sense to me.
Feel free to give feedback, actually, no, feedback is awesome! I encourage it. :)

My Review

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Good. I take this to be about kidnapping, but I could be wrong.

Posted 10 Years Ago

This is very good poetry. To be cornered and hide emotion would be a bad prison. A house that feel like a cell make the captive desire escape and no desire to return. A powerful poem. You create a emotion of be locked away and being controlled. I like the ending. A outstanding poem.

Posted 10 Years Ago

It feels like that this " I " character has been misunderstood and has been labeled as crazy. But that could be just allegorical and it could rather mean being locked up when the key lies in the other's hands- in love , care and trust.. Good write...And these quick flowing poems often are subconscious flows..always keep em going..

Posted 10 Years Ago

Strong yet lovely and soft. Great job!

Posted 10 Years Ago

Ouch, this poem hits pretty hard. I really like the stream of consciousness style, which is enhanced by the very short line structure, varied length of phrases, and great use of punctuation. The almost raggedly, broken rhythm gives it a very authentic feel, reflecting how the mind sputters with anger, sadness, and acceptance simultaneously here. Great ending. The finality and cynicism rings in the air when you have finished reading. This poem is rife with bitterness, but also with strength. You deliver your feelings in neat, defined slices which are easy for the reader to assimilate and identify with. I also like the way the poem builds to a climax with "are you justified?" which is, after all, the hub of the poem I think, and then winds down. The first half is hotter, passionate, and the second half is cooler, more disdainful. Very good transition showing the whole scale of emotions being experienced here. Really liked this! :-)

Posted 10 Years Ago

I liked this one but in some of your poems there is too much of whomever you are talking about. I think you should try to write about yourself a little to see how it all is put together. Something different for you.

Posted 10 Years Ago

Poetic Voice is Announcing the first Poetic Voice Cash Prize Contest for Poetry. Awards will be given to the writers who submit for consideration the most outstanding poems within the context of Poetry and Word Art.


Posted 10 Years Ago

It's very good. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing :)

Posted 10 Years Ago

I love it, but I'm sure if there's a poem you wrote that i didn't like. Anyways, it makes sense. To me, one word sprung into my mind. The word was trapped.

Posted 10 Years Ago

I was texting you when you wrote this... I'm still texting you actually. But let's talk about this piece. Since you already told me what it's about I think my take on it may be different from other people. Reading this is like spinning around and seeing the world spin around you, trying to get a grasp on something, anything. Then again, maybe I'm totally off. Either way, love you.

Posted 10 Years Ago

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11 Reviews
Added on November 4, 2010
Last Updated on January 16, 2011
Tags: family, dad, silent, change, pain




I'm Heidi. I normally write songs, but these are the things I write when I have nothing better to say in lyrics. I am a Christian, but my work is, honestly, not overly religious. I am passionate a.. more..


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