Self analysis

An excerpt of the thriller yet to be completed.

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi

Self analysis

An excerpt

I was wise enough not to tell him that I've no intention to return to Langley, it might have offended him. Scot thought while standing on the pavement in front of the hotel, trying to hail a free cab. I didn't tell him that I've had an extremely rough time during my fourth week over there, and I don't think that I'll tell it ever to anyone be it a relative or a friend. He kept on thinking taking a deep breath of the evening cold air. I stopped checking surveillance after my first meeting with Jeff, I simply didn't have to; I was tailed openly, and one evening I was tailed by a group of tough guys, who looked like ordinary illiterate thugs rather than agents.

God how I was sick and tired of them… By sheer chance I've reached the Ostankino tower and there was a huge crowd at the square in front of it. I hastened to mingle in the crowd and managed to lose them, that's what I thought relieved for a while; but I shouldn’t stay on they'll find me, I told myself and I rushed to the tower's entrance. I remember how I entered the broad elevator's open door and with just its operator for my company; and we ascended up to the tower's top, and the opposite elevator door opened up to an observation terrace. A young couple came towards me while I got off and they entered the empty elevator and its door was closed and there was I all alone on the tower's broad roof.

I looked a few seconds all around the wide terrace and I went to its rather low parapet. I stood beside it and looked down into the broad boulevard below, at the small cars, trolleys and busses. I leaned forward to have a better look, and suddenly I felt as if I'm being pulled down by the weight of my upper body and my head, and I retreated in the last moment alarmed. I almost committed suicide without being aware to it. I returned to the elevator and waited next to the elevator's closed door shocked by my own behavior.

Back at my hotel room I took off my shoes and sprawled on the bed, and tried to revive what happened to me since I went down to the tower's entrance. The square was empty and I realized that I'm not being followed at all, their day of work ended I thought relieved and amused at the same time. So they led me up to the tower, I concluded amazed but I'll meet them again tomorrow morning I guess; and then I remembered Heather's warning, and how I underestimated it. At about that very moment my phone rang, and I remember how I heard Jeff ordering me to leave Moscow the next morning. Suddenly Scot realized shocked a second time that the open and extremely harsh surveillance on that night, made him subconsciously choose an easy exit, to rid himself once and for all from the daily harassing he suffered repeatedly. And this subconscious thought of an easy exit, almost ended by his committing a suicide without being aware to it.

But right now in his hotel room as he summed up that personal event, and cleared his conscious another certain doubt popped up in his mind… Just to think of it, he almost muttered aloud. He was perturbed by the timing of Jeff's call, six months previously right after he returned from the Ostanskino Tower

Has Jeff crossed the lines and knew all about it, or was the timing of his call just a coincidence?

No he didn't defect or turned into a double agent, it must have been a coincidence. Scot hastened to persuade himself.

He passed his next day of inspection at the company of the Washington branch manager up to noontime, had lunch with him and returned to New York right afterwards.

He was back in his small two room apartment in West Manhattan, and back in his office and his routine work, and forgot all about his Washington adventure. He did hope that Thurston would win his case, and regain his post; just because he adored him, but he did not cherish any hopes of returning to serve under him. Another week passed and in the New York Times Sunday edition at the obituaries section, Scot learned with sorrow that Thurston had a heart attack and passed away at the beginning of the previous week.

© Haim Kadman December 2015 �" all rights reserved.

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