The Bystanders

The Bystanders

A Poem by hcarson
"

A brief outline on a murder over 30 people witnessed and did nothing about, (inspired through nosing at someone else's essay lol )

"

THE BYSTANDERS


You watched as I screamed.

You listened as I cried.

Looking from your windows,

all around,

You watched him attack me

as I lay on the ground.

He left at one stage.

I thought I was safe.

But as I neared my door

he came at me once more.

he still bore his knife and I

felt every slice.


I was still sure you would

come to help me..

but no, you watch. Your silence holds,

as my blood spills out around me,

a blood red halo around my head

as you shrug your shoulders and

head to bed.

I'm left cold and alone, splayed out

on the stone, surrounded

by people, yet murdered...

Because none of you came to help me.

Domestic, you said. just a drunken row.

But it wasn't you know..but it's too late now.

My breath has gone, my heart has stopped.

A stranger took them away, in front of you all

that day, and not a word, did any of you say.

© 2016 hcarson


Author's Note

hcarson
yea I no its a bit 'iffy' but hey..I'm trying lol. All criticisms welcome, considered and employed :)

My Review

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Featured Review

this penetrates the conscience...i am originally from NY...and this sounds like something that might have happened there....where people just would not get involved...even knowing what was taking place...either scared or apathetic or just wary...but it is a sad event and sadder that people would be that self-egocentric to only take care of themselves.

a really well written story poem.

j.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

I agree with you..it dores sound better your way, i will change it to thst i think...thank you for y.. read more
Sylver

3 Years Ago

No problem at all. I enjoy dialogues with other writers. Helps me think what'd make my work better.
hcarson

3 Years Ago

Since coming here it has helped me and made me start thinking differently about my writing. I know i.. read more



Reviews

A poem with worthy outrage. Do a Google search for Stuff That Rhymes and wander at your convenience. Doug

Posted 3 Years Ago


A poem with worthy outrage. Do a Google search for Stuff That Rhymes and wander at your convenience. Doug

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

Thats not a bad idea but what worries me about searching google is i normally end up looking at some.. read more
this penetrates the conscience...i am originally from NY...and this sounds like something that might have happened there....where people just would not get involved...even knowing what was taking place...either scared or apathetic or just wary...but it is a sad event and sadder that people would be that self-egocentric to only take care of themselves.

a really well written story poem.

j.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

I agree with you..it dores sound better your way, i will change it to thst i think...thank you for y.. read more
Sylver

3 Years Ago

No problem at all. I enjoy dialogues with other writers. Helps me think what'd make my work better.
hcarson

3 Years Ago

Since coming here it has helped me and made me start thinking differently about my writing. I know i.. read more
Wow! I know you said this was real life, I hope it wasnt a personal matter, but it is rather impacting to read, for those with weak hearts it will definitely scare but good job on it.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

No certainly not personal thank god, it was based on the kitty genovese case, an american lady murde.. read more
Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse (Y.A.D.)

3 Years Ago

wow thats an awful story!
This might be a weird question but is this about the Kitty Genovese case?

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

Not weird at all...it is :)
Not "iffy" at all. It made me feel uncomfortable in that I saw myself as one of the dreadful bystanders for a moment. It stirred something inside me, so well done.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

Thsnk you peter, much appreciated
Nothing worse than a bystander
watching and doing nothing
that has to be the ugliest human being alive

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

Its based on the true story of Kitty Genovese...look it up...its unbelievable. Thank you for your co.. read more
I like it. Its...its understandable, how she's angry that no one helped her. Very deep, very well written.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

Thank you bookworm...if your interested the real person it is based on is Kitty genovese, american l.. read more
Lovely Poem ^^. I can really feel the emotions in this one. It's a powerful poem and I was completely immersed in this one. Again since it's based on a true story I feel a lot more sad, as i read this one and as it ached my heart. Very well written. Good rhyme schemes and the flow of the poem was smooth. Great write indeed.

I am sorry that I have to add this part as well, but the tense went wrong here, the present tense made no sense in this stanza, just changing the tense and adding it here

but no, you watched. Your silence held,
as my blood spilled around me,
a blood red halo around my head
as you shrugged your shoulders and
head to bed.

Another small error would be the last line of your last verse:
that day, and not a one word, did any of you say.

it's either "that day, and not one word, did any of you say." or "that day, and not a word, did any of you say."

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

that last line was a typo, I corrected it earlier lol as soon as I noticed, some mistakes treacherou.. read more
Érenn

3 Years Ago

Your welcome and believe me I can already see improvement in the way you are presenting your poetry,.. read more
hcarson

3 Years Ago

thank you Errenn..we will get there in the end lol :)
thought provoking.... the whole poem speaks of the truth and pain of a murdered heart....there is intriguing thoughts in the poem and you have done a brilliant job on making the poem very alive and feelful for reader.... the violation in it is very horrible....100 ratings!!!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

3 Years Ago

Thank you IP, i havent tried poems on real events until today so wasnt sure how it would good. Thank.. read more
Inject Positivity

3 Years Ago

you are welcome hcarson... i loved your true story based poem.... it really speaks.... it feels like.. read more

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12 Reviews
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Added on March 1, 2016
Last Updated on March 1, 2016

Author

hcarson
hcarson

cardiff, barry, United Kingdom



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