The Bystanders

A brief outline on a murder over 30 people witnessed and did nothing about, (inspired through nosing at someone else's essay lol )

THE BYSTANDERS

You watched as I screamed.

You listened as I cried.

Looking from your windows,

all around,

You watched him attack me

as I lay on the ground.

He left at one stage.

I thought I was safe.

But as I neared my door

he came at me once more.

he still bore his knife and I

felt every slice.

I was still sure you would

come to help me..

but no, you watch. Your silence holds,

as my blood spills out around me,

a blood red halo around my head

as you shrug your shoulders and

head to bed.

I'm left cold and alone, splayed out

on the stone, surrounded

by people, yet murdered...

Because none of you came to help me.

Domestic, you said. just a drunken row.

But it wasn't you know..but it's too late now.

My breath has gone, my heart has stopped.

A stranger took them away, in front of you all

that day, and not a word, did any of you say.

Author's Note

yea I no its a bit 'iffy' but hey..I'm trying lol. All criticisms welcome, considered and employed :)

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this penetrates the conscience...i am originally from NY...and this sounds like something that might have happened there....where people just would not get involved...even knowing what was taking place...either scared or apathetic or just wary...but it is a sad event and sadder that people would be that self-egocentric to only take care of themselves.

a really well written story poem.

j.

[hcarson]

funny you should say that because this is based on Kitty Genovese who was American, I cant recall which part as I haven't actually read into exactly myself just bit but I put two and two together an hope I got it right lol...I'm scared to read it now in case I didn't! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and your kind comment :) much appreciated

[Sylver]

Oh yeah. This immediately reminded me of that tragic story. Good writing, though there were a couple places where I thought the rhythym faltered a little. For example, I would change "But it wasn't you know..but it's too late now" to "but it wasn't, you know, and it's too late now".

Just my nitpicky 2 cents. Good work.

[hcarson]

I agree with you..it dores sound better your way, i will change it to thst i think...thank you for your help, much apprciated :)

[Sylver]

No problem at all. I enjoy dialogues with other writers. Helps me think what'd make my work better.

[hcarson]

Since coming here it has helped me and made me start thinking differently about my writing. I know i have a long way to go and endless amounts to learn but i intend on doing it and ernjoying it while i do :) been great so far, meeting all you other more expoerienced writers,blove it :)

[Doug Blair]

A poem with worthy outrage. Do a Google search for Stuff That Rhymes and wander at your convenience. Doug

[Doug Blair]

A poem with worthy outrage. Do a Google search for Stuff That Rhymes and wander at your convenience. Doug

[hcarson]

Thats not a bad idea but what worries me about searching google is i normally end up looking at some completly unrelated thing...like giraffes or something lol

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Wow! I know you said this was real life, I hope it wasnt a personal matter, but it is rather impacting to read, for those with weak hearts it will definitely scare but good job on it.

[hcarson]

No certainly not personal thank god, it was based on the kitty genovese case, an american lady murdered when she left work at night and something like thirty two neighbours withnessed it happening but non help.thank u for reading :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

wow thats an awful story!

[Gaia Octavia]

This might be a weird question but is this about the Kitty Genovese case?

[hcarson]

Not weird at all...it is :)

[Peter Rogerson]

Not "iffy" at all. It made me feel uncomfortable in that I saw myself as one of the dreadful bystanders for a moment. It stirred something inside me, so well done.

[hcarson]

Thsnk you peter, much appreciated

[Nisreen]

Nothing worse than a bystander
watching and doing nothing
that has to be the ugliest human being alive

[hcarson]

Its based on the true story of Kitty Genovese...look it up...its unbelievable. Thank you for your comment.if u do look kitty up, let me no what u think :)

[BookWorm]

I like it. Its...its understandable, how she's angry that no one helped her. Very deep, very well written.

[hcarson]

Thank you bookworm...if your interested the real person it is based on is Kitty genovese, american lady that this actually happened too...32 people withnessed it i believe....so bad..thank you for your comment...if you do look kitty up let me no your opinions on it :)

[Érenn]

Lovely Poem ^^. I can really feel the emotions in this one. It's a powerful poem and I was completely immersed in this one. Again since it's based on a true story I feel a lot more sad, as i read this one and as it ached my heart. Very well written. Good rhyme schemes and the flow of the poem was smooth. Great write indeed.

I am sorry that I have to add this part as well, but the tense went wrong here, the present tense made no sense in this stanza, just changing the tense and adding it here

but no, you watched. Your silence held,
as my blood spilled around me,
a blood red halo around my head
as you shrugged your shoulders and
head to bed.

Another small error would be the last line of your last verse:
that day, and not a one word, did any of you say.

it's either "that day, and not one word, did any of you say." or "that day, and not a word, did any of you say."

[hcarson]

that last line was a typo, I corrected it earlier lol as soon as I noticed, some mistakes treacherous fingers make your eyes just refuse to see, I have found these real ones trickier obviously as im more conscious of making a mistake to facts if u get me so yea I understand bits r gunna be iffy.. (through lack of experience also of course), I intend at some point to redo all and try and improve hence im so appreciative of al comment, positive and negative thank u so much, very helpful :)

[Érenn]

Your welcome and believe me I can already see improvement in the way you are presenting your poetry, the flow is becoming smoother with each write, so yeah I really enjoyed it ^^

[hcarson]

thank you Errenn..we will get there in the end lol :)

[Inject Positivity]

thought provoking.... the whole poem speaks of the truth and pain of a murdered heart....there is intriguing thoughts in the poem and you have done a brilliant job on making the poem very alive and feelful for reader.... the violation in it is very horrible....100 ratings!!!

[hcarson]

Thank you IP, i havent tried poems on real events until today so wasnt sure how it would good. Thank you for the fantantastic comments :)

[Inject Positivity]

you are welcome hcarson... i loved your true story based poem.... it really speaks.... it feels like incidents in a mysterious night....