My Last Goodbye

The pain that won't go away
Dark thoughts come and stay
Night that won't turn into day
Almost dead,alone, here I lay

Words that are left unsaid
Twisted thoughts inside my head
White sheets turn to red
No looking back now, almost dead

Too late for anyone to rescue me
My doors locked with no key
I close my eyes because I'm ready
To die alone, with no one here to see

My last thought before I die
As I take my last breath
Are you happy now?
Because this is my last goodbye

Author's Note

This is my first published poem on here. I'm kinda nervous to see what you guys think. Let me know. I'm pretty sure this is not my best work. So I appreciate comments

Reviews

[Rob Santana]

I think its really good for your first piece.

[Bella]

Thank you :)

[Joan*Eckhart]

This was almost a song! It's very dark, and I like the line, "White sheets turn to red". Good imagery with words.

[Bella]

Thank you :) personal experience. Obviously it didn't quite go the way I wanted since I'm obviously still here. The thing is, now I'm happy to be alive. So I'm glad that it didn't work. (: but anyway, that's where I get my imagery

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Its just fine!
Easy to recite,
and in the common easy 16 sentence patters. In fact this can be a sing song too.
"Too late for anyone to rescue me
My doors locked with no key"
do try u to make a song of this and post here..thx

[Bella]

Thanks so much!! I will try :)

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

yay taz tha spirit

[.Lost Soul.]

This is a very intense poem. This part specifically struck me.
"Words that are left unsaid
Twisted thoughts inside my head
White sheets turn to red
No looking back now, almost dead"
This is a harsh stanza, but not in a bad way. Harsh on the heart because it really brings you to the ruthless truth, donchya think?
This poem really hits home for me for I am recovering from an attempt.
This poem astounding. It really deserves great attention.
Although, I do disagree with Creepy Swine Guy. I believe the rhyme scheme really added to it.
Felicitations!
100/100

[Bella]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I am too just recovering from an attempt and still struggling with cutting. I wrote this after I got out of rehab. Thank you very very much

[.Lost Soul.]

I just got discharged today but am already fighting the urge to cut. But I wish you the best of luck, Hun. Oh, and you're very welcome :)

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I see the intensity of message, but I wonder if, in this case, the rhyme might blunt the intensity of the message. Do you do free-verse?

[Bella]

ummmm I can try. I haven't done free-verse in a while. I'll give it a shot. Thanks for your thoughts! :)