Local High School Student Only Saying the Word ‘Swag’ Ironically

A Poem by jaredmillstein

Citing the perpetual hilarity of irony and sarcasm, local 16 year old Greenwood High School student Jeremy Larkson justified his continuing use of the word ‘swag’ in everyday conversation with the confirmation that it’s only a joke.

“It’s funny when I use the word ‘swag’ because it’s not like I really mean it,” explained Larkson in an interview last Tuesday. “It’s like I’m making fun of the word because it’s so stupid.”

Larkson reportedly uses the word as many as 6 times in an hour, in a context ranging from what the school cafeteria has for lunch to a shortened amount of homework. The tenth-grader confirmed that the word fits appropriately into almost any situation and therefore is so ironically funny.

“I use it so often because it’s so sarcastic and not at all meant to be taken seriously in any way,” Larkson told us. He went on to add that anyone who says the word in a more literal sense is “so f*****g retarded.”

In addition, Larkson often utilized other popular phrases such as “turn up,” “ratchet,” and the trendy “yolo,” which was popularized in the 2011 song “The Motto” by rap artist Drake. Jeremy again verified that he only used these slang terms sarcastically and that there is no possibility that his sarcasm has developed into real thoughts.

“It’s not meant to be for real, like a lot of other idiots. Like, I use it on Twitter and stuff too, but I’m obviously joking because we all know written text is the best way to express sarcasm. I just say ‘swag’ to parody the people who use the term to project their real ideas and feelings. Which isn’t me.”

Once again prompted with the idea that the word had transformed into something more real and that he might be as bad as anyone else who says ‘swag,’ Larkson retorted that there was “no way. It’s not like that. Those guys have no swag.”