Two Words

Two Words

A Poem by Jennifer Johnston

Forgive, forget, desist, decide,

remote, remain, resist, reside.

Lagoon, la amore, begin, be gone,

retain, reclaim, saline, salon.

Refuel, regale, forest, for sale,

miner, minor, mister, mayor.

Sipper, slapper, chipper, choked,

metal, masher, cheated, cloaked.

Lisper, lover, kicker, knighted,

lovely lady, front, farsighted.

Person, people, gritty, grain,

bookie, bicker, dipper, drain.

Dancing, daring, heavy, hearted,

maker, miffed, cherry, charted.

Spirit, suffer, flower, flamer,

nicer, nipper, ticker, tamer.

Goblin, gopher, even, ever,

offer, order, novel, never.

Able, apple, viscous, viper,

writer, wrapper, fickle, fighter.

Heaver, hovel, otter, oval,

doggie, dishes, misty, mother.

Measure, mogul, illness, ion,

justice, jester, liver, lion.

zinger, zipper, zesty, Zion,

faster, finger, crispy, crayon.

Duty, duchess, appease, apparel,

clearly, clasher, naughty, nasal.

Trashy, topside, fearful, folly,

hummer, hover, diver, dolly.

Esteemed, comrades, it’s plain, you see,

the words, you use, are all, for free.

Their meaning, be, as you, may find,

not the one, you first had in mind.

Be careful still, these words, hold blows,

but be not afraid, your diction, show.

And prove, me then,

the truth will let,

You’ll soon foresee,

Forgive, forget.

 

© 2014 Jennifer Johnston


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Reviews

This one thoroughly entertained me. It seems the rhyming bug has bitten more than a few of my friends here on WC! Go check out Rose Kite's first poem, a rhyming challenge to be sure. Thank you for sharing this one with us all. Loved the last line! One thing...I think it would have benefitted from being separated into stanzas. Makes it easier on the reader. Great write!

Posted 6 Years Ago


This was a joy to read out loud. Thank you for sharing.

SMALL POINTS
Visually, I recommend breaking this into stanzas. The ending would then be clearer and it would be easier to not miss lines.
I think you meant to capitalize “zinger”
I recommend avoiding lines where all four words alliterate (remote …) (miner …) (zinger...), or make it a clear part of the pattern – perhaps by breaking it into stanzas and having fully alliterating lines end each stanza.
Try reading the following out loud in the context of your poem and comparing rhythm.
(you first had in mind) vs (you had in mind)
(but be not afraid) vs (be not afraid)


MAIN POINT
Length-wise, in my opinion, this piece would be stronger shorter. I recommend cutting about a third (10 lines) of the list of words.

The following is a list of words that, in my opinion, felt off when read out loud:
Refuel, regale, forest, for sale,
knighted,
front, farsighted.
Spirit, suffer, flower, flamer,
otter, oval,
liver,
crayon,

Posted 6 Years Ago


wow i really enjoyed your words put so much tuning :D i enjoyed reading in rhythmic way. Creative and interesting. Well done

Posted 7 Years Ago


Very clever and original and it has a song-like rhythm. Sam may have some valid points but overall I like this a lot.

Posted 7 Years Ago


A very interesting piece. I quite enjoyed that.

Posted 7 Years Ago


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Sam
I think it is an excellent work, and is worthy of high praise. But I should offer my criticisms, whether you take it is up to you.
While it sounds good, and when you're on a roll, well, you're on a roll, but, and very few people would be hypocritical for saying this, but the listing of words is a bit long. Don't get me wrong, it's well done, and I wouldn't suggest cutting it down slightly if not for another suggestion. As the title suggests, the poem will have two words. While I was not expecting that, for symmetry, and the sake of the title, I think your list of 'random' words should be split up into pairs, not groups of four per line. Also by doing this, your first two words: 'Forgive, forget' stand out.
As if you weren't sick of me enough telling you what you should do with your poetry, for your French words of choice: La amore, should be L'amore.
Again, these are merely suggestions, my criticisms don't take away from the overall power and beauty of your original work.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I don't believe I've have more fun reading just words, you were also able to keep a steady rhythm throughout. Words are indeed 'free' to the mind, but as you said they can pack a blow; many words are not free when spoken out loud, many of them are costly, think of the riots they've cause, the wars they've empowered, the uprisings of challenge and rebellion. A single word, Freedom, Liberty, Justice, Love, can be uttered amongst attuned ears, and begin a change to our histories and to our futures.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I love all the wording! Well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


The pitter patter of poetry, well done, enjoyable and highly original.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on June 16, 2014
Last Updated on June 16, 2014
Tags: poetry, poem, rhyme

Author

Jennifer Johnston
Jennifer Johnston

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A writer by trade. Meaning I'll trade you something cool for a piece of my work. I like most shiny things and Subway. more..

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