Chapter Thirteen

SPOCK

 

                Logic offers a serenity humans seldom experience. The control of feelings so that they do not control you. My father once said this to me. As I reflected on his words said to me years previous, I wondered why logic was failing me now.

                Meditation is the binding of Vulcan philosophy. In meditation Vulcans overcome their emotions, they suppress them, and control those emotions so that their emotions do not control them. Then why, why was it so difficult to regain control of my emotions now? Meditating most commonly lasts for no more than a few hours at most. I have been meditating for almost two days. I have regained much control of my emotions, yet I cannot say I am in complete control.

                Aila has been the center of my thoughts while meditating. Why has she been able to affect me so? Her performance at the talent show changed me. She projected emotions so strongly, made me feel my own emotions so strongly, it was startling. I knew it was a power of hers, coming into fruition, based from her Sealtag heritage, but I could not help but be stricken by the sheer awe of this power. For her to render a Vulcan into such a state of emotional compromise, simply through the power of song, it was strong indeed.

                There was one emotion that was highlighted above all else. It was an emotion I was not accustomed to. I could not name it, although it was similar to what I felt for Jim. For my captain. It was, however, much different. Such power, such force. I was in awe. I was…confused.

                Then there was her abduction. I had only felt such panic once before in my life. The panic I felt as I knew my planet was dying. Panic is a human emotion. Vulcans should not feel panic. Vulcans should not feel fear. Vulcans should not feel. Emotions run deep within our race. In many ways more deeply than in humans. My father also told me this. That is why logic is the center of the Vulcan philosophy. Why then, had logic failed me? Why then, could I not find serenity in logic now?

                I needed to contact my father.

                I rose from my meditative stance and walked over to the comm panel in my bedroom of my condo.

                “My son, this is not the usual time of our calls. What troubles you?” My father asked after our customary greetings had been exchanged.

                “I find that I am unable to find serenity in logic after much meditation.” I answer. I relayed to my father the events of the talent show, how Aila’s performance had affected me, and her subsequent kidnapping.

                “Spock, I do not have the answers you seek. I find I am unable to counsel you in this matter. Perhaps you should reach out to Ambassador Selek.” The quickly passed look of disdain I cast and quickly shove away at the mention of my older self’s alias does not go unnoticed by my father. “I do not understand your dislike of your older self. It is not logical.”

                “I do not have an explanation that is logical, father.” I offer, knowing full well he will disagree with my sentiments towards my older self, but not address them either. We have had the conversation more than once, and each time it has proved…less than fruitful.

                “My suggestion still stands. Perhaps he will be able to counsel you on this matter, as I am unable to do so.” We exchange our customary goodbyes and I search for my older self’s contact.

                “This is a most welcome, if unexpected, call.” My older self greets me.

                “I have…questions.”

                “I shall endeavor to answer what I can.” His statement holds a double meaning. More than once has he refused to answer questions, reasoning that he does not want to tell me of the future. In this, I believe, is where my disdain come from. How can he fathom to know of the future? The future that he knew no longer exists. It has not existed since Nero and he traveled to the past.

                I explained to him my current situation.

                “Aila’s abilities are greater than either of you realize. I will say that much. However, the emergence of her abilities is quite different than in my time. You must be attentive to their emergence, as I do not know how they shall appear or when. In regards to her…power of song as you call it, yes, she is able to project great emotion through this ability, although that is not the truest nature of this power. No, do not ask, you will find out soon enough.” I had looked at him, about to question what exactly the true nature of her power of song was, but he had effectively cut me off, refusing to answer, yet another valid question.

                “This power, is she able to make someone feel what she wants that person to feel?” I ask cautiously, not knowing the exact nature of his relationship with Aila in his timeline. I did not seek to upset him.

                “No, not at all. Her abilities, although able to be used nefariously, as any ability is, are not nefarious in nature. The power you experienced and the emotions you felt, they were your own. Allow me to explain further please.” He said, recognizing I was about to ask another question. “You said she had sung a human love song, yes?”

                “Correct.”

                “The emotion she projected, then, was love. She allowed the audience to experience that emotion which already existed in them, to whatever subject, could remain unknown. From my own experience of this ability, that particular emotion was expressed to an individual. You said that Captain Kirk and Nyota Uhura appeared to be…enthralled with each other more so than usual after this performance? I believe she allowed her audience to experience the fullest state of their own love towards an individual whom they already loved, in one state or another.”

                “I do not understand.”

                “What you experienced was the fullest potential of an emotion that already exists within you towards whoever it was projected towards.” I thought about this. He was essentially saying that I loved Aila, and in that moment of her singing, I experienced the deepest possibility of my love for her?

                “As for your difficulty with meditation, I would say that you have failed to recognize and accept your emotions, therefore, you are unable to regain complete control of them. This has been my experience in the past.” This made sense. It made me uneasy, but it made sense.

                “Who was she to you in your time?” I asked suddenly.

                “I met Aila Mor many years after she had graduated from the academy. In my time, she did not attend the academy while I was teaching there. She had escaped, with her mother, to earth when she was young, and did not visit Vulcan until she had come well into her abilities. At the time she visited Vulcan with her mother, it became apparent that her cousin, Kayden Ross had escaped the capture years previously, and he was running rampant throughout the galaxy. However, because he was alone and had no support, it did not take much to capture him as well. He met the same fate his mother and the left over enemy had years prior.”

                “How was he, and this enemy, subdued?” I inquired, knowing this information would prove useful later on.

                “I am unable to fully explain. Essentially, they were trapped in a dimension, unable to break through the dimensional shield placed by Aila and her mother.” He answered as vaguely as possible. I knew then he would not divulge any further information, for whatever reason, even if it would assist us in the future.

                “You still have not answered my previous question, tele’at S’chn T’gai.” It was, perhaps, my calling him the elder of my family, that he did not respond in dissatisfaction, for my statement was less than respectful.

                “My relationship with Aila Mor is not for discussion and it may not even be the same that you will have.”

                I decided to shift the subject, knowing I would not gather more information as to the nature of his relationship with her in his own time. “You told me she knew her mother. She is an orphan in this timeline, and has suffered much.”

                “Nero’s presence altered many things. Many events which I remember may never come to pass. Many events which have never occurred in my own timeline, events that I could never dream, may occur. Your destiny, at its heart, is the same, it is the journey that will be your own.”

                We exchanged our version of customary goodbyes at that point. He had divulged much, yet, as always, ever cryptic, and not exactly what I desired to know.

 

AILA

 

                I woke up Monday afternoon, after a long nap, glad to be in my quarters once again. I wasn’t able to attend the early grad ceremony-no love lost there, but I had to pack. It was when I started packing my stuff up when the door chimed.

                “Jim. Or should I be calling you captain now?” I answered the door, gesturing for him to come in, and wondering why he was at my dorm that I would soon be vacating.

                “Jim when we’re not on duty. We’re sorta friends, so yeah. Umm..anyway, I came to personally say welcome, and hurry up. We just got a mission, and of course, the repairs were just finished yesterday, so we’re all good there. But uh, suit up. Make it snappy. Everyone’s reporting at 1900 tonight on the ship.”

                “What’s our mission?” I asked, only slightly shocked that we’d have a mission so soon after the repairs were complete. The Enterprise was the flagship after all.

                “Well,” he began, stretching the word out, “it’s all pretty much pomp and circumstance. We’re headed to New Vulcan to some diplomatic conference. Hope you have your dress uniform tailored!” He winked at me, knowing full well I didn’t, but hey, I guess that’s what the on ship tailors are for. They just never seem to do the uniform proper justice. Or, I could always replicate one, but that’s always tricky business. You have to have your EXACT measurements for the process.

                “You know full well I don’t, captain. However, it’ll get done one way or another.” I gave him a weak smile.

                “You doing okay? You can sit this one out, you know? I wouldn’t normally offer but…” he trailed off. But considering the circumstances, you know, having just been through a hellish torture session given by a long lost family member no less. Intent on using you for your supposed powers and abilities that have yet to fully manifest in their entirety. Yeah, I think I’d rather take my chances on the Enterprise.

                “I’m fine.” I replied, noticing the pointed look he was giving me. In truth, I was far from fine, but hey, s**t happens.

                “You know what Spock would say to that, right? He’s already giving me s**t about letting you work. Scotty, on the other hand, seems to think work is what you need. And don’t even get me started about Bones. If he had his say…well he kinda gets to, but you know what I mean. Speaking of which, you need to report to him no later than 1800 to do a psych eval and finish your medical eval too.” He was rambling. I could tell he was uncomfortable, I could hear his thoughts about being uncomfortable. He didn’t know me that well, even if my best friend was dating his best friend.

                “Look, I get what I just went through, I mean, I was there. But, I can’t do anything to change it, and dwelling on it sure as hell isn’t going to help. But staying back here? Yeah, no thank you!” I replied. I knew he would take that answer well, and I wasn’t lying. The last thing I wanted to do was stay here. And shore leave? Yeah, well, there’s where dwelling comes into play.

                “I get it.” He said, I gave him a very Spock-like look, raising an eyebrow. “No seriously I get it. Been there. Done that. Got the damn t-shirt and all the other touristy crap that goes along with it. But, I will say this, you WILL do your psyc eval, and if ANYTHING pops red on it, you’re staying put. No questions. And you WILL do regular psyc evals. AND if Bones deems it necessary, you WILL see the on board counselor. No questions. Got it?”

                “Understood, captain.” I said, giving him my very best impression of acceptance of orders. It was half-hearted, and he knew it, but he accepted.

                “No hurry the f**k up and finish packing. You only have two hours. Once you’re done packing contact the ship’s cargo transporter team,” he took my PADD from my desk and typed in the number, “and they’ll beam up your stuff to your quarters on board. Oh, and go find a red uniform. I’m, uh, authorizing you to wear the male uniform too, if you want. It’s a thing on the Enterprise, don’t worry, you’re not special.” He grinned lazily at me. “Well, that’s pretty much it. Just don’t forget. Med Bay 1800, then report to Scotty at 1900. You’re tracking you’re his second in command, right?”

                “Yes, captain.” I replied, sounding a bit more irritated than I meant to.

                “That means you’re no longer a cadet, and that also means you’re not an ensign either. You are now officially Lt. Mor.” He smiled. “Congrats! Now get to work!” And with that he left my room.

                Well, that’s something I wasn’t expecting. A promotion straight out of graduation.