Happiness

Everyone deserves it right? It just came to my mind..also a fast write

Happiness

 

It’s what everybody wants.

If you believe in yourself,

A lot of happiness might be found

Free yourself from stress

And feel free to spread your wings

And fly to your heart.

Each has eyes to see,

To see each happiness

Each has mind,

To think of their love

And everyone had gifts

A gift of a friend

And an everlasting gift of happiness

If you try to share happiness

Then, we’ll all be able to share laughs,

Smiles and a lot of stuff that’s jovial.

But as we grow older

We try to love someone and we hurt them

Sometimes we are the ones who are hurt

We let others down

Best friends fight and

The relationship you created

Was just trashed

But within that despair

There’s always happiness

Found at the end.

Author's Note

I know i didn't do good at this..please tell me exactly what to change.

Reviews

[r]

a lot of truth and power to the words in this poem. great write

[bianca]

i know you can do better than this.

[Zoe Anne]

This poem has some imagery in the beginning, and I agree that it should have a better flow to it. Happiness is used a lot, and you should maybe add a little more to the idea... Maybe add some more imagery? More metaphors?

[Shakespeare's Daughter]

I would agree that this is very cliche... try letting the words flow from your thoughts, rather than forcing the words to work. Overall its a good poem, but it needs original ideas... happiness is an overused idea. :) Hope this helps!

[Camille Corbett]

Very cliches, it feels awkward and strained. Perhaps you should cease on trying so hard, let it flow, but don't try to dumb it down. Make it your love.

[alison13]

this is simply beautiful. no need for some changes, if you ask me. it's just perfect the way it is. good job. :)

[Simple_mee]

Lovely poem. B'ful emotions. Attibutes like Friendshp n love r very precious for us.
U've dun a great job with one. :)

[WriterSki7]

Another well written poem full of smiles and love. So far you've had a good imput of constructive criticism. I will improve on this the best I can.

Not all friendships necessarily "end" with fights and despair. This makes me question what you consider a "friend"; to my understand you are the typical teenage girl, in which case you consider friends to be people you hang out with and talk to. This of course differs with my definition of friends, in which case I not only hang out and talk with them, but I help them, protect them, challenge them and rebuke them when necessary (fights usually started with the challenge and rebuke part). But I have yet to lose a true friend from a fight*

I do believe I aired myself as "pessimistic". I like to see everything realistically and clearly, including every dirty little secret and thought. But through this approach I can often see genuine honesty and hardship; appreciating it tenfold more than most. Though this a bit too 'flowery' for my taste and has it's share of flaws, it did suffice to remind me that there is an upside to life.

Although I cannnot effectively gauge your motives through a wireless connection I can appreciate your sincereity none the less. A job well done.

[Huggy Bear]

It is really good and I dont think you messed up:) Have faith in yourself and in your work:)

[Hippy]

i like this friend do add much to happiness but when i think of it i feel you need to add something about how one must be able to control ones wantsn and understand ones needs to reach happiness