Chapter 1

It was the middle of the night. I woke up in a groggy, muddled state. I couldn’t figure out why I was awake until I heard it, my phone buzzing on my nightstand. I fumbled while reaching out to grab it and in a blurred glance I saw it was Seb…and that it was four in the morning. In a scratchy voice thick with sleep, I picked up.

“Seb, you drunk dialing me again?”

Then I heard this rasping, heavy breathing on the other end of the line. I immediately sat up, the last sands of sleep evaporating from my eyes. And that’s when he said it….I had never heard something like that before; the desperation, the anguish, the almost primal way he whispered my name that was an absolute cry of pain.

“…..Jill…”

“Seb, talk to me. Where are you? What’s going on?”

“I’m still in Barna…Jill, she left me. She left me for someone else. She told me it was over and that she wasn’t in love with me anymore…that she wasn’t even sure if she had ever been in love…Oh, God. It wasn’t even a discussion, Jill, she just ended it and has already moved on. Like, I’m nothing. She just decided it was f*****g over and I…I, I don’t know how to do this. ”

The words were pouring out of him and it was like being caught in a torrent of waves that crashed ceaselessly into my being. I could hear his brokenness through the phone and something inside me burned, burned and ached for him and the reality that he was alone.

Yet here he was, calling me in the middle of the night, not completely alone. He broke down and I heard him clinging for air, for comfort. Sometimes there aren’t any reasons for words; the knowledge that another soul is with yours can be just as powerful. So I tried to embrace his heartache for some time, cradling something that could not be held, before I plucked myself out of bed and began to dress.

“Seb, we’ll get through this together.” I whispered, willing him to believe it, yet knowing it was too soon for him to consider the possibility of “getting through” anything.

 “Jill…,” his gravelly voice quavered as it beseeched me to hear him, begging me to understand the chasm of his hurt that he didn’t even understand himself.

 “Jill, how did you do it? How the f**k did you get through Evan?”

 This question robbed me of my breath and rendered me frozen. How could I explain that I had been over Ev, and then found later that maybe my feelings for him hadn’t left me at all? What words could I conjure to let Seb know that he would be okay, when I wasn’t even okay after over a year? Solution: avoid answering the question altogether.

“Seb, listen to me. Nothing will make sense right now. You’ll have questions, but no answers, at least not good ones. You’ll hurt and it will get a hell of a lot worse before it comes even close to getting better. But you need to remember what makes you, and only you, happy. I know it sounds like a strange concept because there hasn’t been a singular ‘you’ in a long time. But you’ll remember eventually, and you’ll do those things, and you’ll come back. Slowly. Over time, you’ll find that you won’t wake up and think about her first thing, and she will no longer be the last thing you think of before falling asleep at night. You were happy before her, and you will sure as hell be happy without her again, as impossible as that may seem right now. Seb, do not coop yourself up with your loneliness. I know you may not want people, but you need them. Your friends…your family, they’re here for you. I’m here, Seb. I’m in this with you.”

His jagged breathing had steadied as he absorbed my words. I wasn’t sure if I had said anything the way I wanted to. I was always terrible at on-the-spot speeches related to feelings and emotions. I didn’t want to belittle his pain, and I was hoping I hadn’t come off that way to him.

“Seb…?”

I was worried that I had lost him to thoughts of not wanting to hear that it would one day be better. Sometimes people aren’t ready for that information right after a break-up…they want, need, to feel as if it’s the end. I raised my eyes to the ceiling, silently pleading with the universe that I had reached some small part of him that was willing to believe in a better tomorrow.

With my bag containing my sketch book, pencils, and random clothes, I was ready to leave for the train station. I didn’t want Seb to be alone…but now I was hesitating when only a moment ago I was sure of myself. The devil on my shoulder, Doubt, was hissing gleefully in my ear. Would Seb even want me there? Was I jumping to late-night conclusions that I would be welcomed, believing my presence would help him? Seb and I had become so close since we’d first met through mutual friends, and he was one of the friends I was grateful to have, even after things ended between Ev and I.

Ev.

Lost in that thought, I barely heard him repeating my name.

“Jill. Jill….please. Tell me it’s going to be okay. Tell me I won’t always feel like this.” And with that, I walked towards my front door.

“I promise you, you will not always feel like this. Nothing in this world is forever, no feeling remains untouched by time. You will not always hurt this hurt, Seb.”

He was silent, but I could feel his brain humming all the way from Spain. I was on my doorstep locking the door and I closed my eyes. It was like I could see him, sitting on the edge of his bed gazing out the window towards the midnight sea, witness to the ebb and flow of the waves crashing into the shore, a vacant stare on his face. The crispness of the dark hour felt fresh on my own face as I began my trek to the station. It wouldn’t be open for another forty-five minutes, but I couldn’t sit in my house, not with this. I needed physical movement in an attempt to drown out my restless feelings and high of adrenaline.

Luckily, nighttime, in all its unobtrusive soundlessness, has always had a calming effect on me. I was the solitary soul, walking under the London lamplights, making me feel like I was the only person that existed in this world. Seb still wasn’t saying anything, so I suggested he try to get some rest. I was grateful for the quiet hour.

“You’re right…I’m supposed to be up in two hours.” There was an echoing, aching pause. “Jill…I’m sorry I called…I know it was late and you were asleep, but I….I….”

“Seb, don’t you ever apologize for calling me,” I chided gently. “You never, ever apologize for reaching out to me. Ever. You would do the same and more for me.”

“I know, I know. I just…I haven’t talked to anyone about it yet and I didn’t even know who to talk to. I couldn’t sleep and I was scrolling endlessly through my phone and I saw your name and it just…I didn’t even realize I had called you until you picked up. And then the second I heard your voice, I lost it. Because that second was all it took for me to know it was what I needed. I needed it, your voice. I mean it, Jill…thank you.”

I did everything I could to quell the tears that had congregated in my eyes, everything I could to swallow the thickening lump in my throat. “Of course, Seb, of course. I’ll call you tomorrow. Hang in there.” And with that we clicked off; one of us to enter the world of restless dreams and borrowed sleep, the other to traipse the twilight of dawn.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think of the dialogue. I am also trying to get better at adding more detail to the setting...I seem to just like to dive right into conversation instead of describing surroundings and small things. Suggestions are most welcome.

Reviews

[Mthokozisi Ndhlovu]

At first, I thought that Jill had feelings for Seb, seeing how she was overly concerned about him. But after reading the first four chapters, I realised that the story is based on friendship. I think that the dialogue is great. I especially like Jill's thoughts as they contextualise what she says, like when she says that it was too early for Seb to consider getting through anything. And so she just clung to the phone until she got to the station. I didn't know people do that. What a friend! I wonder if Jill's unresolved feelings for Evan surface later in the story.
Great writing!

[Dillon M. M.]

I loved the dialogue but i truly believe a writers best work is when they articulate the scene and you did that very very well. I really like your style of writing. Dont you dare stop!

[mappingthenight]

Thanks Dillon :) I appreciate the feedback and encouragement!

[Shawna]

This was beautiful. You showed the emotion without labeling it or forcing it on the reader, you just let them experience it with the characters. I like the jumping into the dialogue style, because it is the characters that interest me most, their thoughts, their fears, their relationships. The surroundings and details are, honestly, usually the parts I scan over. Your characters come across as real, their feelings come across as real, and their relationship comes across as real. I loved it.

[mappingthenight]

Wow, thank you so much! It's a dream come true to have characters that are viewed as relatable and real, especially when trying to write a story that I imagined in my head as being possible to happening to anyone. Thanks so much for your feedback regarding the dialogue, it's helpful to know that it is a style that is working for people.

Thanks so much :)

[Christian N. C.]

I really enjoyed your first chapter, I like that Jill and Seb both appear to be very close friends but also that Seb faintly has some doubt in their friendship as Seb was sorry for waking Jill. That to me shows that he may have feelings for her but in more of a "I don't want to lose you as a best friend" type of way. I really enjoy the realism that you express in the characters, you did a good job of capturing that. I can't wait to finish the other chapters :)

[mappingthenight]

Ah, thanks so much! I'm really new to all this, so I'm glad you think I portrayed some realistic attributes in my characters. You'll have to let me know what you think as you read more, especially if there is anything I can do to make it better! Thanks Christian :)

[kattebel]

This is really good- the dialogue is very good, and suited for the Jill and Seb and their relationship, and so are your characters. I especially like how we get a glimpse into Jill's thoughts, and not just her plans, but also her doubts- it makes her much more realistic. The ending to the chapter was amazing. It's hard to describe, but it really shows the differences between the characters, and just sort of summarises.

[mappingthenight]

Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad you enjoy the characters :) and especially the inclusion of "Doubt". I think we so often have this loop of thoughts in our mind full of doubts, and I guess I'm really trying to capture that - so, I'm happy you picked up on it!

[Katrina]

I think the dialogue was great. I really enjoyed reading a story about friendship -- there doesn't seem to be too many stories like that anymore. Great job. Looking forward to reading the rest tomorrow. :)

[mappingthenight]

Thank you! Please let me know what you think of the rest as well :) I really appreciate your comments and thoughts!

[Fitghtingforlife]

I like it i am very direct person you can't please everyone with your writing everyone has their own taste and style.

[mappingthenight]

You're definitely right - I'll have to try and remember that. This is just the first time I've ever shared my writing, so I guess I'm apprehensive.

Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your comment.

[Isabel25]

I really enjoyed reading this and I couldnt find anything i did not like. The flow is great, so is the pace.And I get distracted when the writers tend to describe the surroundings too much. It is not too much or too less in your case- u have maintained a good balance between the dialogues and the descriptions.

" Nothing in this world is forever, no feeling remains untouched by time. You will not always hurt this hurt, Seb.” - I like the way Jill thinks. I must have said different versions of this line to myself and my friends a hundred times.I can relate to her very well.

You are a really talented writer, and I am not just saying that, I mean it. send me an RR when you add the next chapter.

Annie :)

[mappingthenight]

Wow! This made my day! Thank you so much for reading and giving your feedback. I'm really happy you found Jill relatable and that the flow of conversation worked out okay. I'll definitely let you know when another chapter is up.

And Annie, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Isabel25]

You are always welcome MN :)