Human?

The idea behind is that we are all so much more than just this body. Perhaps human bodies aren't the perfect vessel or the perfect representation of the true self.

Wandering mind, lost soul

That’s how I know I’m grounded.
Sometimes I want to shed this body,

Fleeing all its limits.
Peel off this thin skin, break these feet;

They kept me stuck on the ground for so long.
The itch to leave what I am
Has been in me for so long
I don’t even scratch.

Soon I’ll be free,
I’ll crack this skull open

And like a volcano
I will shoot upwards

Expanding into myself.

Imagination is my paint,

Creativity, my brushes.
With them I’ll create
New universes.

Author's Note

A work in progress. I'm not sure where to take this, how to expand on what I already have. I would love any feedback.
Also looking for advice about meter/rhythm/spacing. I'm honestly not sure how to set the meter. I've tried focusing on using certain amounts of syllables per line, but I can't quite seem to figure it out.

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

Unique concept, I like the message you have shared, there is so much more in a human a body than the flesh, skin, there is whole world hiding inside it and most of us hardly get to reveal it's hidden universe... It seems like you are trying to use free verse, it looks very good with the less amount of words, I would suggest you to keep on experimenting with it, you'll find the one you are trying... Will look at it how you work on it...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Junebug]

Thank you so much. I love how you added to what I said with "a whole world hiding inside it and most of us hardly get to reveal it's hidden universe". Very beautifully said and exactly what I'm trying to express. The first stanza is rather negative, but I want to steer the piece overall in an optimistic route. I want to focus on all the opportunity/beauty/wonderful parts of us that are hidden deeper within us.

[Adam Adams]

kinda like how poetically you talk so real 'bout human boundaries in disguise. very nicely narrated.

[drcornelius]

I read both the intention statement and your poem. You accomplished what you set out to do. Deciding how much is enough is a challenge for many of us. Are you sure it needs to be expanded upon.

I am a singer/songwriter so the issues of meter/rhythm/spacing is important to me. You might want to challenge yourself by writing on this topic as though you were going to try to sing it. Don't try to revise this poem. Instead, write a song on the same topic. Don't worry about a melody, just the lyric. Or you could also try singing this poem to "Mary had a little lamb" to see where you need to add some syllables. Have fun with it.

[Michaela]

I like this piece a lot. I'm especially drawn to the 2nd verse. give me a really good visual and the emotions you could feel while doing so. Also you really capture how there is so much more to being a human and how as you get older you try and find yourself, and try to actually "be" yourself. Your the only one who can pave your path, and you definitely get that point across with the last verse. Very good poem. I really enjoy reading your work!

[Elmarie]

Hi
I do love some of the visuals that you bring forth in this poem and you are surely a gifted writer.
Take care and it's lovely see such a talent at your age.

Blessings

El

[Junebug]

El, you have no idea how much your kind comments mean to me!!! I have been writing for years and just now have gained enough confidence to share my writing. Thank you so, so much.

[Elmarie]

You are welcome :)