Masks

Masks

If I told you everything

You’d be scared

I’m not in control of my own life

I hold such dark secrets

You’d think I’d take better of myself

But I’ve forgotten how

I’ve given up hope

And everyone knows

It’s rather depressing

You can’t see it

I hide behind my smiles

The upward curl

The face I put on

But the smile doesn’t reach my eyes

My eyes are carefully concentrated

They are stiff and panicked

The things I see

Would be of your nightmare

But four years I hold my own

I forced a mask

I get real comfortable with it on

So comfortable, it’s plastered to my face

I look down

As if shy

But I look down because it’s all I know now

I don’t see the beauty of the world

I see dirt

Brown

My time is wasted

Yet it’s comfortable here

My feet buried in the ground

If I stay this way forever

I’m sure to be buried alive

With my feet planted

I don’t move on

From corners of my eyes

I see others walking

For a brief moment

I glance up

For the first time in my life

I see a real smile

It’s so bright

Too bright

It slashes through my soul

I look away breathless

Such power I will never know

Because my feet are planted

I’m rooted in like a tree

So I merely watch

The mask always on

My name is called out

No answer

My voice is lost

I’m not in control

I stand there as passengers jeer

And last out

I’m hurt

I’m broken

But I say not a word

I am Miss-Fix-It

I pick up the pieces remaining

I’ve been robbed and it’s clear

When the puzzle is together

The holes will never be filled

The mask digs deeper in my skin

I’m brilliant

I know how to accessories

There is no way you’ll take me now

At least I have the ability to choose

Two voices at constant battle in my mind

Requesting to- No sorry

Demanding to stay here

They jump out the nest attack

It’s comforting

Moving is full of dangers

It’s unknown

I am not ready to move

The voices agree

No place like home

If one could call this a home