Sue

Sue

 

If it was so easy

To get back up and keep going

Don’t you think I’d already done it by now?

But no,

Nothing’s ever easy

Nothing’s ever free

There’s always a price

A catch

Life’s funny like that

My life is not that hard

Sue whispers compliments in my ears

He’ll place the truth on me

Unlike others

I rather the truth to lies

But everyone around me sugar-coats it

They think I’m gullible enough to believe

I know better

I know what I can and can’t do

I have a million questions

Few of them are ever answered

Maybe there’s no answers

Maybe I’m meant to feel like this forever

It’s not fair,

I hate it

What could be more depressing

Than to know there’s no hope?

I pity those who still believe

Then again, I envy the ones who still believe

They must live grand lives

Full of joy

And happiness

They must hold the secret to the world

They must have someone holding them down

I’ve got nothing anymore

And though I myself disapproves of Sue

I find comfort in his presence

Misery loves it’s company

As the saying goes

So far it’s been proven true

Misery and Sue follow me everywhere

They walk hand in hand

And smiles brightly to me

I frown

I’m not sure their club is so good

The offer is tempting

But my instinct says to stay

My supporters say no

My sixth sense rings off the bell

This is definitely a trap

But the offer is still tempting

I just wonder what they do

Obviously it must be bad

Or no one would fight this hard against it

But perhaps I feel a rebel girl

Perhaps I want to jump

But hands reach out

Refusing to let me go

It’s depressing really,

That nothing holds me down

Even God, I’ve shunned away

I draw ugly red lines on my arms

It will be there forever

It’s a coping skill

It’s the only thing that holds me back

I can’t fight this alone

Some days I just give up

They almost get a victory

Some days I am strong

They run with their tails between their legs

But they always come back

They never go away for long

They are old friends of mine

But they are dangerous

There’s not much room for compromise

It’s either join or pain

The pain of my existence

But some days they’re not there to hurt me

Some days we’re just like friends

Sitting on lawn chairs

Sipping Pepsi

We’ll talk about the weather

Or some strange life style

These days I am neutral

But some days Sue will start a fight

Knowing I’ll react

He’ll try to guilt trip me into his ways

He’ll say all the right words

Sometimes I almost accept his offer

But I stay back

Of him, I am afraid

I know I must get away from both of them

The quickest way possible

But I’m frozen

I’m transfixed on their beauty

If only I could turn away from them and run

I know deep down Sue’s no good

But I’ve already placed trust in him

I’ve allowed him so close to me

That we were almost kissing

He could’ve grabbed me then and there

But along came my saviors

They crack their whips

And war call until he’s gone

I look down guilty and embarrassed

I didn’t want to be caught this way

Now many look down at me

Disgusted looks

For forming a relationship with the Devil himself

No one sees him though my eyes

They cannot see his beauty

They think I’m sick

So more medicine I down

But I know the truth

Sue will never let me rest

He’s an old friend of mine

We grew up together

From 6^th grade up

7 years of his presence

He’s introducing me to Misery’s gang

Misery sure did love it’s company

Depression became mine

Now everyone’s happy

Except me of course

I fell dead inside

They doused my fire

Stomped it out

So now I’m their

They control me like a puppet

Strings attracted everywhere

They put me through too many shows

They steal my voice and my power

I’m nothing but an empty shell now

Sue smiles at his work

“We could live so much better”

He whispers in my ear

I weep not sure what to do

I know I must live

But that’s not what I want

Sue promises it will be quick

I wonder why I still believe

Maybe life’s blown out of proportion

Maybe it’s all a big joke

I bet you God is laughing

After all he made this mess

Maybe I deserve it

After all I don’t believe

I watch Sue reach out his hand

I timidly start to reach for him

But a second thought occurs to me

I pull away

The hesitation makes it worst

He frowns at me

I sigh and shake my head

I move towards Misery and Depression

These I trust

I’ve lived with them

Since I was a baby

They abuse me over and over again

But still I follow

They are my security blanket

They let me know I’m alive

I trust my life to them

They are my comfort

They are my life

But Sue is their best friend

They try to pressure me to meet him

So here I stand between my rocks

And a hard place

I’ve been the only one to put me here

It’s entirely my fault

I should’ve picked a different group

But how was I to know?

Their voices are so comforting

I cannot budge Depression or Misery

They stand too tall

Sue watches my effort

He’s laughing at my attempt

There’s no use fighting

They will never leave my side

I want to go another path

Sue again offers his hand

But again I shake my head

It’s not my time

Not Yet

So a new face arrive

This one is frustration

This is Depression’s son

They all link hand in hand

All smiling at me

As I give them a scowl

They just had to make it harder, didn’t they

Everyone is watching me now

They’re waiting for my next move

I stand frozen

Sue comes and whispers in my ear

This time I shove him back

It’s not my time to go

Frustration clicks his tongue

Glaring as a warning

I look at each of the afraid

They hold so much power

What would it be like to have some control

But this is a fight I’m loosing

Of my body and my soul

Sue is very patient

He doesn’t take offense

He simply stares at me

Waiting

He know everything

He knows he’ll eventually claim me

I’m overwhelmed

It’s four against one

I am too weak to fight them

So I stay where I am

I watch for one to make a move

But everything is still

They are waiting on my first move

Either to take hands with Misery’s gang

Or accept Sue’s offer

My two friends

Now making me choose

How can I pick between them?

I can’t choose one or the other

Not without hurting feelings

I want to run away with Sue

He’s inviting me into his house

But Misery doesn’t play fair

He adds more faces to the gang

I can now see my real friend

Her face pale in horror

She’s beckoning me to come to her

She’s begging me to look at her

I can’t look her in the eye

It’s shameful

She’s never approved of Sue

She’s always hated Misery’s friends

I wish I could explain

But there’s no words that could justify

I see my little sister

Is this what I want to teach her?

Is this the gang I want her introduced to?

Do I really want to leave her?

I can see my mother now

She’s been my protector since I was born

Should I really be considering wasting all her efforts?

After all she’s done for me?

Just run away?

I was never one to run from problems

Not until now

Without hope or faith

How can I single-handedly get away from my old friends?

Sometimes you just have to let go

But every step I take they follow

They will never go away

My thoughts betray me

Pushing me closer to the edge

It wants the pain to stop

It’s willing to do anything for it

It’s desperate

But I can’t give in

I look to my oldest sister

I can see my nephew

They need me here

They need me to be strong

Living is Misery

Death is sweet

I’m on the boarder of both

My head spins

So many thoughts

So much grief

So much apathy

Do I really care?

My thoughts race

They show me all my options

They show me both sides

Four sets of eyes still on me

I have to make a choice

I shrink a size under their stares

I’m vulnerable

I feel naked in public

All my flaws

All my imperfections

It’s out

I can look no one in the eyes

 I wallow in my own shame

I weep in Depression’s arms

It’s not my time to go

I know what I should do

I inhale deeply

I turn my back on Sue

He’ll have to wait

Today he will not exist

But he makes his presence known

He slips in the back of my mind

Then makes himself a permeate home

He invites Misery’s gang into his home

They leave no room for others

I watch Happiness go by

Joy taunts me with her ruthless attitude

She bounces around me

Reminding me what I’m longing

I wish my gang would find another carrier

A happy gang, like I see on others

Sue again is offering me his kingdom

I ignore all his calls

He gets more persistent

He explains my life from freedom

Why should I refuse?

Living is Hell

Death is sweet

But I choose not to go

More ugly red lines

My body takes the beating

I am my own worst enemy

I can’t accept myself

Depression sings a song in my head

It’s supposed to be soothing

But all I feel is numb

I’ve been stripped of all emotions

There’s nothing left to give

My shell crackles and pops

Soon I’ll be unable to stand

Soon my empty core will crack up

And the pieces will get scattered

Maybe then I’d listen to Sue

He will help pick up to pieces

Only to gain my trust

But I know his motives

I know I should be scared of him

But it’s become a habit

I rely too much on this gang

It’s now all I know

But still I wonder

What does true happiness look like?

What is mercy?

I’m not supposed to feel like this forever, am I?

I’m looking for relief

I want a miracle pill

One that clears away the influences

I’d like to make my own choices

What’s wrong will independence?

I am strong

Stronger than I think

But my expectations are far too high

I can meet none of them

Frustration enters the picture

Depression by his side

That’s it, I just can’t take it

There has to be another way

Life should be this miserable

What can I do to fix it?

I’m way over my head

I’m drowning

I want my life back

I need my life back

I’m too young to be Sue’s princess

Sue, you’ll have to wait

Depression, you’re dismissed

Frustration be darned

I have no room for misery

I want a refill of the brand names now

No funky cheap kind

They only seem to make you sick

I need a better soul

I need to keep moving

That’s the only way

As lovely as Sue’s words can me

I need him to stay quiet

This is my life

I will take control

The problems end here

I hold a place for Sue in the back of my mind

I lock him up and throw away the key

He needs to know his bounties

Starting today

Nothing will hold me back

I am powerful

I know what I want

I can fight Misery’s gang

I can defeat Sue

Reviews

[j]

The picture of suffering this writer crafted is one that really speaks to the soul. I believe that they were successful at capturing the emotions they were attempting to imprison in this writing, ones of despair, depression, sorrow, and hopefulness.

[ChinaDoll1928]

I really adore this poem, oh, the torment you have been put through to produce this! It speaks to me.

[Kitt]

Thanks a lot. It took me a long time to put together, but I feel I've captured the emotion alright.