RISE, SHINE, AND FALL

10 15 13

I awoke with the want

to take a nap

The salient dawn did well to

cull and claw at my cognizance

like medicated taffy

Admirable is Apollo after all

Not the most approachable sibling

yet neither am I at times

In my time of only-childhood

the surroundings of a sunlit house

serenaded me on contact

with the threshold that locked down

the night in my bedroom

Days were like sand

from a shattered hourglass

funnelled into a container

of the future

Every morning was a vacuum

tending to the funnel with the grains

of possibility retrieved for

another cycle through the secret

we are spared of as children

until the vacuum as appliances

are wont to do

died

leaving us with adulthood

and a bowl of something

that reeks of ashes

Author's Note

This was a rushed piece, though given how few people read my stuff now, it's probably not worth a damn anyway...Smirnoff may or may not have helped my cause here...but having only posted one thing so far this month, I was desperate to get something out. I don't know, I may have to go back to this one.

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

A childhood filled with love and a feeling of security gives way to adulthood....when nothing is quite as it seemed back then. Have the dreams fo childhood burned down to ashes? There are days it does seem that way. The imagery in your poetry is superb. A joy to read. Lydi**

[kublakhan27]

I was thinking about how we spend so much of our childhood longing to be adults, then regret the fact that we took our childhood for granted when we do reach adulthood. I think about the things you've mentioned here virtually every day. So glad it resonated with you. Thank you Lydia :)

[Sheila Kline]

I am not familiar with your writing, but having come to return your kind favor of reviewing my Dracula poem, I am more than grateful for your review of my piece as I might have missed this, and it would have indeed been my loss to have not read of that which I can indeed relate to!

When we are children, and so innocent and looking to that which shall come in future days, we expect the moon to shine brighter than it does, we yearn for the big and wonderful to happen, we really are at times unlimited in our expectations, but when we view life as we are older and what has actually come to be, we see a totally different world than that which we perhaps hoped for. The disappointment may be great, the struggles even greater to just become comfortable with where we are. And, then we have all the tomorrows to deal with......that is the rub!

I am very impressed with your skill as a poet!!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you for stopping by Sheila. I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and I agree with your sentiments all the way. I think it's a part of the so-called human condition to want what we don't have, and neglect what we do have until it's taken away. When we're kids, we long to be adults, then when we become adults, we bemoan the fact that we exhausted so much of our childhood with that wish, which seemed so utopian at the time. That is the rub indeed haha Thanks for the kind words as well :)

[ms. barrie]

This is incredible, Mr. K ! Amazing use of enriched imagery, not to mention your
Spectulauar unique use of your extensive vocabulary!

Eloquently poignant, I um at a loss of words now, just know that I
Absolutely love this poem! Pockets it...a cupcake with a 100/100

(Wonders why I'm still dealing with writer's block?) :)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Miss Barrie, you know how much that means to me :) I am unspeakably grateful for your friendship and support. I sympathize intensely with the block by the way. This is only the second thing I've written all month and you can just imagine what that's doing to my head haha :P Thank you my friend...this is a pretty personal piece so I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it this much :)

[ms. barrie]

Very much so, just please know reviewing, esp critiquing poetry isn't really my forte,
To me it's trying to explain why a flower is exquisitely beautiful..Just is, know that
I'm a fan of your work, writes as well as many others! I can t keep up with
All of your writings though! Lol

This very much touched me. Yes I'm getting a bit annoyed with my Muse, he's
Gonna have to be bound to a chair soon!

Enjoy the cupcake :)
Me

[ms. barrie]

(Everyone's writings) blah blah, ten characters

[kublakhan27]

That's quite alright bud, critiquing is not my strong suit either...maybe that's the origin of my issues around here...but all I can usually do is tell someone how much I like their work, and single out the lines that resonate with me the most. I also know how you feel about keeping up, I'm so used to reading poetry that it takes me a while to review your style, which is a compliment ;) I like to make sure I have the time to truly absorb myself in your writing :) And I never refuse a cupcake haha :)

[ms. barrie]

I do not get that many reviews because I usually write long narrative poems
Or lyrical poem's with accompanying music (yes I "steal" artist'smusic, ha!)

Or my grammatical error filled no plot stories. Most of my poems or prose are accidents
Or I had to stop at the end of them due to pulling hair out of head. That said, I'm okay
With not being top popular writer, malicious games, gossip and the hs games I'm not.

But what can you do but disengage from their games and try to write, review.

Again, no rush to read, review my writes, Mr. K :)

[Angi]

There are so many days when I feel like what is the damn point, anyway?! Looking back, studying, excavating, even... Does nothing to get us up out of that bed, Steve. We have to soldier on. We just have to. I feel you on this one, man. Angi~

[kublakhan27]

I can tell that you do my friend. It's not a great place to be mentally. The way you've described it here is just how I feel on the majority of mornings. But I will try to soldier on if you do as well ;) So glad this piece meant something to you, thank you Angi.

[Angi]

I have your back if you have mine. One step at a time. You are welcome, Steve.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

"Days were like sand

from a shattered hourglass

funnelled into a container

of the future

Every morning was a vacuum

tending to the funnel with the grains

of possibility retrieved for

another cycle through the secret"~ You're a brilliant writer (Smirnoff or not) with an amazing talent of depicting the darkest thoughts which are deeply etch in your readers minds....I can see the beauty of this pain...of losing time and dreams as an adult...Well penned, creative write!~xoxo~

[kublakhan27]

I'm so glad you were able to tap into this piece so deeply my friend. It definitely came from a deep and dark place as a lot of my recent stuff has, I won't deny that. But you've given me a reason to smile with your kind words. Thank you my dear, for reading and relating :) xo

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I can truly relate to this... not everything is rosy, and I appreciate the emotions you have evoked in this write... it reminds me to be grateful. ~xoxo~

[kublakhan27]

I hate admitting it but gratitude is a work in progress with me. I was never good at enjoying the little things but I'm getting better ;) xxoo

[MsJewel]

This is a poem that I can definitely relate to = having had those days when I wake up and feel like pulling the covers back up over my head.

The way you turned to memories and then back in the last stanza is incredible writing. The flow, the pain, the emotion...everything...perfection.
If this was rushed- this reader would never know it.
Brilliant writing

:) Julie

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Julie :)

[MOON]

Beautifully penned the journey of life with its despair.

[kublakhan27]

Glad you enjoyed this one Moon, many thanks as always for the support.

[Rita L. Sev]

"I awoke with the ant to take a nap..." This piece starts out with a feeling of weariness; Life is just too exhausting some days, and turning to the memories of youth is not always invigorating... The means by which we aim to find the "shine" don't last long. This poem is felt in my bones, each metaphor uniquely crafted.

Your title speaks volumes as well... A great piece, K.

[kublakhan27]

You nailed it with your assessment my friend...thank you for reading and sympathizing :)

[B-poet]

This was an interesting and nostalgic type of write. Loved the vivid poetic imagery you've displayed here. Great work Kublakhan. An enjoyable read. :)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you as always B, glad you enjoyed it :)

[Pryde Foltz]

leaving us with adulthood
and a bowl of something
that reeks of ashes

The trick perhaps is to learn to love like a child again and self-console with wisdom. Great write, steve. Loved the closing.

[kublakhan27]

Very good point, I never thought of it that way. So glad you enjoyed it, thank you Pryde.

[writing mojo]

OMG! this is absolutely amazing, the form, the meter, the ability to flash from past tense to future and keep the readers attention with (this and that) Wow! "medicated taffy" "Admirable is Apollo after all "Not the most approachable sibling yet neither am I at times" You dove deep in those metaphoric atoned bones of yours to express this inward turmoil of a child hooded unmask...brilliant stuff

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much for the kind words Mojo, they do mean a lot, more than you know. I'll be checking out some of your work soon as well.