Tell me

People often tell me

that my poetry always 

seems rather pessimistic,

always wistful, never 

a shine nor a smile.

Tell me, how does one 

relish the idea of happiness 

when emerging from a sleep

makes you feel like a force is

holding down your soul and 

devouring your very own sanity.

Tell me how does one implement 

the idea of happiness when the only

thought of happiness in your life is the

very thought of dying, how does one 

possibly pick themselves up after having 

the wind knocked out of them, everyday

for the last 6 years

My poetry is indeed sad, 

that is only because I am 

sad, joy filled my lungs,

being able to enjoy the things I 

once did until the b*****d depression held 

me hostage, wrapping his hands around 

my throat, dipping his vacancy  into my 

mind, depression will always be there, 

although sadly there will not be enough 

alcohol in the fridge to help me forget, there 

will not be enough razers in the bathroom to 

help me numb the pain, there is nothing in 

this incredibly large earth that will help me 

forget.

So tell me, how does one forget the 

very motility that made you believe 

you needed to be best friends with 

the voices in your mind, the very 

feeling that made you believe that the 

moon was your very own star, the son 

of a b***h who built the walls up and 

watched you continuously strike your

fists against it, hoping to knock it down, 

depression is all I feel, the inability 

to speak, the constant battle with your 

mind and the aching pains of tomorrow

The voices like church bells in my ear,

the sleepless nights, my heart beating 

into hollowness but believe me, I am 

just a careless tourist on this adventure

I relapsed 1st of the 1st 2016, I guess it was 

just a reminder from depression that he has

me again, only this time, I won't attempt to 

break the walls, I will relish this feeling as if 

it were the last candy at a store, depression

keeping me underwater, anxiety keeping me

locked inside, I will not fight, I will glow like 

the moon, the moon depression left especially 

for me