The Hill I Die On

The content of one's character relies on their unshakable courage to stand alone against adverse odds in the beliefs they hold to be true.

The Hill I Die On

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

The hill I die on is paved with good intention

In the flowers and needles of my own pretension 

In a crown of barbwire I take delight

In the losing battles I often fight

But within these wars I come to recognize 

The best and worst which often humanize 

No nobler stand can one seek to take

Than stand by the decisions we often make 

For there are no saints or sinner to play

To rage against our ethics or moral decay 

We live, we love, we weep, and we die

In-between these things hopes often lie

For in the end life is not judged by worth

It's what we leave behind; for better or worse

Author's Note

If I could become a patron Saint I would choose to be one for art. For few things can shape the heart of a human being than the aspirations towards creativity. Because to reach that place deep inside you in order to call forth the sublime one must be willing to reveal the true nature of their heart. CLE

Reviews

[danielle.]

Another beautifully crafted poem and wisdom gently shared. So pleased to have stumbled on your work. ‘Elle

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Elle for your kind words. During these difficult times I wanted to convey the importance of integrity. It seems society now a days has lost the value of this very important quality. Trollish behavior is seen by some as a virtue instead of an ignoble and ignorant action. One loses the war of ideologies when they react personally by insults rather than knowledgeably by conviction. One can never learn by reacting irrationally and emotionally in a conversation based on truth. Truth is not malleable by emotions. It can never be changed to fit one's belief. Only lies can be changed to fit and shape one's ideology. Words are powerful both as a tool and system of intellectual understanding. What we say and put out into the world reflects who we are as human beings. An incurious mind is easy to manipulate, an intelligent one not so much so. Always stand by your word. You will be respected for it. Thank you again.

[Stuart Munro]

I’m Born as Baby , then I’m slowly shaped and filled , and when I pass on , my CV of Death enters mourners minds ,, like this poem of your Carlos , another well written poem

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly Stuart for your thoughts on this poem. Being in my late 50's I feel my mortality entering the twilight age of my existence. I look back at what lessons I have learned in life and the value they may have for the younger generation. It's not much to leave behind but it is all I have to give. This little bit of hope in the words of a life lived. That the most important thing anyone can stand for, and by, is by their own word. It can be difficult especially in a time where truth, honesty, and integrity are in such limited supply. As well in an age where trolling and disingenuous behavior is seen as a virtue instead of as a vile disreputable character trait. One can't hope to ever change the world until they first change themselves. And in order to do so must recognize their faults and biases they often hide or keep in silence. I have had many from the generation of the 60's, 70's, and 80's I grew up in. The myriad pernicious mindsets inherent to those times. But they also gave hope as well and a path towards redemption in the content of one's character. To be a better human being. We must first learn to care for others more than we do ourselves. And that one simple act of kindness, like saying hello to a stranger, can change their heart as well. Thank you again my friend for your comment.

[Stuart Munro]

Thanks for your reply ,I don’t really have much to do with people ,after nearly being killed by some ,too many minds in too many directions , for a peace plan , I don’t say hello to strangers , it could be fatal , I will just stay as a retired recluse , peace at last lol

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I can truly empathize with your words. Things have gotten so crazy in the world right now. The other day I went to the store and saw a homeless man laying down right by the gutter going into the parking lot. He was so close to the edge that people had to drive up the curb to avoid rolling over him. He was disheveled and talking loudly to himself. It left me feeling both sad and fearful for him because it was difficult to try and understand his mental state. He laid there in the gutter as if he had just given up completely on life. Telling someone that wasn't there he couldn't go on. This is starting to become more common in our society now a days. Be safe my friend.

[Stuart Munro]

Thanks , take care

[Petals & Pearls]

This gave me goosies! I particularly love these stanzas:

"For there are no saints or sinner to play
To rage against our ethics or moral decay

We live, we love, we weep, and we die
In-between these things hopes often lie".

Very well written, I enjoyed it!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Catlin for your kind comment on this piece. I'm so eternally grateful that this poem elicited a response in you. As artists its what we seek in our art. For it to resonate in both the mind and heart of the reader. I strive in my words to not be judgemental because I know we are all imperfect creatures. We are born and shaped by outside influences as well as our own decisions we choose. We are not always right and it is in that recognition we learn to be better. To me the most valued quality we have is integrity. To live and die by our beliefs and words. We are the unshakable mountain when we fight for the things we hold true to our hearts. And it is what inspires our art at times. Always be true to what you write Catlin. Let your words and art resonate in the heart of your audience. Build a bridge of hope through the work you share with the world. Never ever be afraid to be you. Some people may not like what you may have to say but they will definitely respect you for saying it. Thank you so much for your comment on this poem. I really appreciate it.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Carlos,
Being true to ones self is ever so important...Sometimes it takes years and probably many never reach it...ever..
We hope that we instill in our children a sense of pride that helps them make the right choices along their path..
Meeting others that are not clear about what is right or wrong or really just do not care is a challenge for any young person...but hopefully they will be wise enough to make the right choices...
And, this will lead to doing the right thing for the rest of their lives... For standing up against the opposition...
Great write... I really enjoyed it,
Lisa, heading off for the gym..

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Greetings Lisa, I hope you are doing well. Thank you for the kind words on this poem. Integrity is such a valuable commodity these days, and especially in this time we live in. Where influence is peddled at times decietfully through social media. Segments of humanity choose to make trolling and insincerity a virtue of this modern technological age. Times change so swiftly we forget not long ago we were told to reflect upon the content of our character in a beautiful speech written by a great man. How we have failed and forgotten such an empathetic endeavor. I tried to not proselytize in the words of this poem, but found it difficult because I wholeheartedly believe the fundamental ideas of virtue and character. It is not easy to be a good person or live a good life. They are goals for a reason. One must strive to be, because they are not inherent qualities. They are learned by example, experience, and the need to be better. They are taught to us so that they can be lived. We may always fall short of our better angels, but it is in the striving and sacrifice we redeem our own humanity. And show our love for us all. Thank you again and I hope all is well.

[Lisasview]

Wow Carlos,
Your response to my review was like a review of its own.
If we are lucky, we are brought up with values... Really understanding what is right and what is wrong..
Of course that was the generation I was born into and I feel so lucky for it..
So, I find it quite easy to be a good person and live a good life.
Staying connected to people that are of like minds is so important.
Of course along the way I met the "other side" and was cheated, etc. But I moved on and continued to live my life the way I felt best...
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and you are most welcome for my review..
Lisa, getting rather late here in Spain..having the life I want..

[Chris Shaw]

Excellent write dear Carlos. Standing up for what we believe in even if the majority have an opposing view. Not an easy thing to do to stick your head up above the parapet. I like principled people, especially these days when we live in such challenging times and rules seem to be determined by the baying mob rather than at the ballot box. An accomplished write here. All good wishes.

Carlos.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Chris, I so appreciate your kind thoughts on this piece. Ethics and morality are not given to us, but are grown from our life experience. It took me 57 yrs to understand and come to this conclusion despite being told this by wise influences in my life. Mostly women I must add. We can never control the outcome of our choices only time can. But we must stand by our convictions for they are the defining qualities to the content of our character. These were the words my grandmother lived with all her heart; and which I choose to remember her and pay homage by in writing them down. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me.

[Chris Shaw]

Your grandmother was a wise woman and she shared that wisdom with you :) Have a good weekend dear Carlos.

[CoralPrincess]

“one must be willing to reveal the true nature of their heart.” I’ve never heard the reality of writing summed up better. You do it with bravery and without hesitation. That’s unique in humankind and in writing. This piece is one of life’s tougher truths and you express what is undoubtedly your truth without trying to hide it or make excuses. It takes guts to do that.

It is very well put together - you make rhyme and meter look so easy. I admire that - I’m all free verse.

The hill I die on
The hill I die on is paved with good intention
It's what we leave behind; for better or worse

Powerful. Inspired!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you for such a kind comment on this poem. I feel personally that one can not truly call themselves a writer without first being uncompromising in the words and thoughts they share with their audience. There is a liberation and such a revealing aspect to our art. It is a hope we ourselves yearn to give and share to the world. And it is in these little things that were passed on to us by those who shared similar ideologies and wise thoughts. It is an eternal message. One of profound legacy and hope. So that we the writers will not be forgot. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me. It really means a lot.

[CoralPrincess]

You are absolutely right in your assessment of what it means to be a writer. I have written some pieces that are probably too long to post here that is “my truth”. But it was cathartic to write them. Writing really helps you evolve as a person. You, as a writer, have been immortalized - no doubt about that!

[Ranger Kessel]

Very well put together. Taking a stand fir what to u believe in is a most noble endeavor

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I totally agree with you on that very wise comment. Let time reflect the choice whether good or bad. For what it gives us in that moment is the defining qualities of our character, and the values we are willing to die for. Thank you kindly my friend for your comment.

[John Prophet]

Good grief. Profundity at the highest. Your usual excellence.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly JP. There are times I debate whether I should release a piece of writing or not because it may seem a bit too preachy. I grew up believing life experiences are best learned while living, and not by advice from others. But as an old man now I see profound wisdom in sharing my lived experiences through my art. I feel I do so both as catharsis as well as a voice of wise commentary. It is my hope that someone who may find themselves at the crossroads I myself had traveled may find in these words a bit of helpful knowledge on the path ahead. Though I do caution the decisions may be similar the outcomes may be uniquely different. But in the end define our moral character. Let time reflect the choice as good or bad. We can only choose to live in that moment being true to ourselves. Thank you again my friend and fellow poet.

[Robert Haigh]

We have to stand by our own convictions -- an easy thing to do when the majority of other people agree with us, but difficult when ours is a lonely voice crying out against what seems to be the whole world. I can certainly identify with your words here, Carlos, including those in your Author's Note. Well penned indeed!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly Robert for sharing your thoughts with me on this poem. This introspective piece was written in a difficult time of my life. After 5 years of depression I was crawling out of the shadows to reclaim my almost destroyed life. With encouragement of friends I have found atonement to let go of the past things I could not control. I have returned now to the work force and feel hopeful for what the future has in store for me. I have always been a prideful man because of my father who instilled a strong work ethic. I never asked for help and would never take anything from anyone even if it made things easier for me. What little I have I gained by my own hand. But poverty has a way of humbling any man. It is a war within myself to accept any help. But the strong encouragement I received from former co workers, as well as my peers here in this community I am slowly once again seizing my life from the darkness of depression. I have always been the type to help those I know through their difficult times. And in mine I find my heart in awe of the kindness of those who have returned it in kind. Without me even asking them to. Art has given me the strength to find redemption and value in who I am as a human being. Its cathartic grace has slowly stitched the wounds of my soul. My pride is tempered with acceptance of kindness now. Because what one puts out into the world they will receive in return. I choose a hopeful message my friend. Thank you again for your comment. I really do appreciate it. CLE

[Robert Haigh]

I am sorry that you have suffered from depression, Carlos. I too have fallen victim to it in the past, like my mother before me. I am glad to hear that you are doing much better now, and I wish you every success for the future. I agree that art is very important - more important than many people realise.

[Pete]

our legacy. so true and a bit scary. introspective wisdom. quite telling and moving. we all need to ponder such thoughts as we head out the door. words to live by ... :)

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Pete I really appreciate it. These past few months have been a very difficult journey for me. I have had to dig myself out of a hole of deep depression that has nearly destroyed my life. After 5 years I have started to work once more and am currently crawling out of the financial hole I dug myself into. It feels good to work again because I have always had such great work ethic. The struggles were self inflicted to the point I was eating ketchup packets to survive because I had no food. But through this community and also friends I previously worked with I am once again rising above these difficult times. What matters to me the most is my integrity. I am a prideful man and it is so very difficult to ask for help. I come from a culture that frowns upon men who rely on others to survive instead of working hard to earn what you want and have. What touched me recently were my friends who reached out and encouraged me because I had done the same for them in the past. It is not a bad thing to require a bit of help in desperate times. Especially when one's moral character is such that it has assisted others in their own difficulties. I have found my own legacy of kindness returned in kind. Thank you again Pete for your kind comment on this poem written during my most difficult of times. But whose message reveals so much in a hopeful way.

[Pete]

not an easy road for sure. i've walked it myself. sadly, this is where we face the demons and find out who we really are and what we're made of. you speak with wisdom - hard lessons learned. nothing wrong with taking hold of a helping hand when in dire straits which is why we must be willing to do the same for others. no need to dwell upon it but never forget. keep well friend ... :)