Payphone

So, I love the song Payphone, but i ABSOLUTELY HATE the story line, so I made my own version. I don't know if the rap part sounds right, cuz I can't rap... so I just went by syllables.

I'm at a payphone trying to call home,

all of my change I spent on you,

I don't care every dime's gone, spent making this song

I made plans tonight for two.

Yeah, I know its hard to remember

the people we used to be

to remember when we were so

damn young and wild and free.

You say its too late to fix it,

but is it too late to try?

And in that time that we wasted,

did our marriage burn down?

my head's in the clouds,

we're acting like clowns

just chasing around.

Still missing that time

when we called it love,

but is it enough,

the sun rises tonight...

I'm at a payphone trying to call home,

all of my change I spent on you,

I don't care every dime's gone, spent making this song

I made plans tonight for two.

If happy ever after did exist,

we wouldn't make it work for the kids,

I know the fairy tales got it right,

'cause I'm still in love with you tonight

Oh, you turned your back on tomorrow,

but won't look to yesterday,

Meant to give you joy, not sorrow,

but you just gave it away.

You can't expect me to move on,

not after all these years

I need you to pick up now,

cause, did our marriage burn down?

My head's in the clouds

we're acting like clowns

just chasing around,

still missing that time

when we called it love,

but is it enough,

the sun rises tonight

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

all of my change I spent on you,

I don;t care every dime's gone, spent makin' this song

I made plans tonight for two.

If happy ever after did exist,

we wouldn't make it work for the kids

I know the fairy tales got it right,

'cause I'm still in love with you tonight.

Now I'm at a payphone.

Told me to leave,

told me to leave, gave me some money

It's all spent now, and honey

remember when we first met and the sparks still flew

and you still said 'I love you'

when I saw you, you were stunning

way before we could talk with the push of a button,

I'd walk to your house too late at night,

you'd already be asleep

I'd crawl in and catch bad dreams.

We were in love at first sight

and it just felt so damn right

what happen' after the wedding night?

I really don't believe this is our love's last shot

I do know my love for you will never stop,

Just pick up on the last ring now, because I'm out of change

C'mon, I'm calling from payphone,

Not going away, I ain't got what I called for

It's only you who I want,

don't hang up on me now I need to say what I called for

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

all of my change I spent on you,

I don't care every dime's gone, spent makin' this song

I made plans tonight for two

If happy ever after did exist

we wouldn't make it work for the kids

I know the fairy tales got it right

'cause I'm still in love with you tonight

Now I'm at a payphone...

Author's Note

*I DO NOT OWN THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF THIS SONG*
reviews please! Thoughts? Any lines that you kind of stumbled over (it is 1:30 in the morning...)

Reviews

[Odayin]

I know the song.
And I would have to agree with you, i think the only good part is the first two lines of the chorus as far as lyrics go. So I am quite pleased you took out the terrible parts at the end of the chorus and made them better, bravo.
As for the rap...well you didn't rap about drugs and alcohol so it's already better than what it normally is. I hate the whole rap part in general but I think think yours would flow nice and I really think you accomplished what you wanted to so congratulations Sophie

[Dominique]

Awsome. I love this version wayyy more than the origional, but who can hate Maroon 5 for long?

[Destinyxi]

Haha, this is great, I love the original song and your lyrics are quite unique :)

[Abbie]

okay, WAY better than the real song. your good sophie! :D you should write lyrics more often! keep it up!

[luv2dream]

I LOVE THIS SONG! IT'S FLIPPIN PENGUIN AWESOME!

[afra]

wow i think this is even better then the original one ...well done

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the emotion and the desire of the poem. Hard to be stuck with memories and all you got is a payphone and little hope. Nice flow of thoughts and I like the ending. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote